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I’m only seventeen, but I have been in love before. I fell in love with his witty sense of humor and jet black hair the instantaneous second I seen him. The one unique characteristic that stood out to me most was the alluring purple tint in the outside ring of his irises. His parents named him Daniel, and I am proud to say that we have been best friends for five years now. I have known him my whole life, but for some reason we became best friends in the sixth grade. I have loved hanging out with him and being there for him, but I have now come to the conclusion that these past five years have been the absolute worst years of my life. Every time I am forced to look him in his strong, good willed, beautiful eyes I realize that I am utterly and unconditionally in love with him. I am indeed a victim of a one sided love affair, the side nobody would want to be on because all day you stress and you agonize about how stupid you are for falling in love with someone who has no intimate feeling toward you whatsoever. I never make it obvious to him or to other people that I like him, I’m afraid of what they will think, worst of all, what he will think. I don’t want to ruin our friendship over something he would think to be foolish, but unfortunately he found out and it changed our friendship forever…
The fourth hour tardy bell rings and, of course, I am late again. I can never seem to escape the noisy and fun filled atmospheric cafeteria in time to make it to class. As I’m jogging through the school and trying not to embarrass myself at the same time, I realize that someone is jogging directly behind me. Too shy to look I slowly come to a walking pace, I’m already late, and the panting individual comes up beside me and says,
“I thought that was you.”
It was Daniel, he and I both have the same fourth hour and I guess we were both caught up in the lunch time drama that we were running a little behind schedule. On our five second walk to class, he asked me if I was still coming over to play his new Street Hoops X Box game. After answering yes, we walked into the classroom.
“Madison, Daniel, where have you two been? You’re ten minutes late for class.”
“Sorry Mr. Luis we...”
In the middle of my sentence Mr. Luis rudely interrupted me and told me and Daniel to sit down. As we sat, we looked at each other smirking with embarrassment. Daniel was so cute. I was burning up inside and I had to tell someone about the secret feeling I felt for Daniel. I was too scared though because I didn’t want me and Daniel’s perfect friendship to end.
After school I talked with my friend Kelli, she was the one person I could truly tell everything to. I decided to trust her with my biggest secret of all.
“Madison why are you looking like you have something major to tell me? What’s wrong, you know you can tell me anything.”
“Yeah I know but this is the biggest secret in my life right now, and if you were to ever tell anyone what I’m about to tell you, our friendship will be completely over.”
“Maddie, I’m not going to tell, you can trust me.”
“Okay I’ll tell you, but first we need to go to our secret telling place.”
Kelli and I have a secret place where we go and tell our deepest and darkest secrets to each other. It’s at my house in the backyard, its not really a secret hideout or anything it’s more like a drive through the yard and park behind the garage kind of thing. After I am faced with the challenge of pulling through the oppressive and sodden muck, I put the car in park, and turn off the ignition. Kelli just looked at me with her eyes real big and smiled her perky little smile as if she wanted me to tell her the secret right then. So I did.
“Wow, my dad is going to kill me, I pretty much tore up the whole entire yard. Anyway like I said, I have to tell you something major and I know it might be sort of a shock to you but I really think I might be in love with Daniel. I know that were like best friends and we have been ever since sixth grade and he is the only guy my parents let me hang out with past midnight and he probably has no intimate feeling toward me what so ever but, I just had to tell someone.”
I talked so fast I wasn’t sure if she was able to catch any of it. After a moment of silence I realized she was no longer smiling but it looked as if her jaw dropped to her feet. She looked completely flabbergasted.
“So, you like love him? Oh my God Madison! What are you going to do you guys are like two peas in a pod. Does he like you? You should ask him, no wait can I ask him Oh my God I’m so ex…”
I rudely interrupted her. Overflowing with anger. I was entirely filled with remorse. I trusted her but for some reason I felt like my well kept secret will soon be known.
“You can’t tell Kelli! You promised, I trust you! You can not tell anyone or I will no longer be your friend.”
We were on our way home and for some reason she kept saying that she never seen this coming. I only got one good thing out of that, Daniel probably had no idea about the truth.
“So why don’t you just tell him Madison? I mean, what’s the big deal, you two are so close.”
“Uh, maybe because he might reject me, and what if he does, our friendship would get torn apart with awkwardness. I do not want that as a result.”
“Yeah, I understand but I still think you should tell him. I once read somewhere on myspace that really caught my attention.”
“Oh yeah? What did it say?”
“What do you think would hurt the most, saying something and wishing you hadn’t or saying nothing and wishing you had?”
I stared at her blankly, running those words though my head over and over again. I was not sure if she was encouraging me to tell him or if she was not. We pulled into the perfectly paved drenched driveway and before she stepped out she looked at me vigorously and said
“Maddie, you might get hurt by telling him you love him, but if you don’t you might be hurting him.”
She stepped out of the car and ran through the grass up to her doorstep. As she was running up to her house I took the time to realize and admire the fact that my best friend gave the most confusing advice, but she always knew what to say.
I thought about what Kelli told me all the way to Daniel’s house. We were going to be playing his new X Box game, and I was not sure if I wanted to let loose this profound information I kept bottled up inside me. When I got out of my car I slowly made my way through the bucketing rain up to the Kline family’s doorstep. As I was walking I heard Mr. Kline shouting through the window,
“Hurry Madison, you’re getting drenched.”
Daniel opened the door for me and I ran inside. He offered to take my coat, and when I turned to look at him I noticed that he was shirtless! I have indeed seen him shirtless many times before, but for some odd reason he looked additionally superb today. Perfectly sculpted abs, upper arm muscles from God, and a perfect skin tone. He was beautiful.
“Maddie? I said do you want me to take your coat?”
Awakening from my little day dream, I gave him my coat, and he carelessly through it in the laundry room. As we were walking to his room to play his new game, Daniel’s mom Sue stopped me with a huge welcoming hug.
“Madison, hey sweetie, I haven’t seen you in a while.”
Now Sue was my favorite mom ever, she is so perky and funny. I love it! She mentioned to me that they were having spaghetti and asked if I wanted to stay, without hesitation I said yes, like I always do, then me and Daniel walked away into his room.
Later on in the middle of me kicking Daniel’s butt, Sue came back and asked if she should get out the cot.
“Oh, no thanks Sue, I think I’m going to Kelli’s tonight.”
“Oh alright dear, maybe tomorrow.”
When she walked out of the room, me and Daniel laughed at how animated she acted. Two hours of me owning Daniel at his own game went by very quickly, and then we decided to go eat dinner. After that we started watching some lame boxing move, it was his favorite, but I thought it was the worst movie ever. I was not really paying attention to the movie, and that’s when it happened. I started the conversation I should have never started, and I would spill the beans right there.
He looked over at me and smiled, why does he have to do that so innocently?
“So do you like…like anyone?”
What was I doing?! I couldn’t tell him that I love him, it would ruin everything. Our friendship, my confidence. I need to stop myself.
“Um, yeah. But I’m pretty sure she doesn’t like me back.”
What was he talking about of course anyone would like him, I mean he’s perfect. Maybe he was talking about me. I decided I would be a little flirty and see who he liked.
“Why wouldn’t anyone like you Daniel? You’re nice, fun, and attractive.”
He smirked at me with quivering eyes and said thanks.
“Well are you going to tell me who it is?”
“I would rather have you guess”
At this point I took this as a sign of flirting and I was almost positive he was talking about me.
“Well she is in our grade.”
“She is one of my best friends.”
“She is in my fourth hour”
At this moment I am absolutely certain it is me he is talking about. So I opened my mouth and said something I totally regret,
“Awe, Daniel you like me?”
He opened his mouth to say something, but I interrupted him and continued with,
“I like you too, I have liked you for a couple of years now, I don’t know why but for some reason I find you very attractive. I never told you because we have such a good relationship and I didn’t want to ruin it, but I must say it feels way better to get it off my chest, and finding out you feel the same about me.”
When I got done spilling my guts, I was expecting lots of hugs, kisses and a “happily ever after”. That is not what happened.
“Maddie, wow, ugh… I really don’t know what to say here.”
Oh my God, he doesn’t like me. I’m an idiot, why did I say that? What do I do? What do I say?
“Madison, I’m sorry but I was going to say Alexis.”
Alexis Cummings. Beautiful, intelligent, and very outgoing. Everything I am not. I hate her, she’s perfect. I should have known. He does talk about her a lot.
I gave him a fake, but what seemed to be a real, chuckle and said,
“Oh, I know I was just joking, I wanted to see if you would really tell me.”
I tried to play it off cool, but he did not fall for my act. He can always tell when I’m lying. I dislike that very much.
“Um yeah okay Maddie, I know you’re lying, it’s okay.”
“Oh my God I feel so stupid. Why did I say that?”
“You don’t have to feel stupid Maddie, you have no reason to I’m glad you told me.”
Of course I have reason to feel stupid I just told him my true feelings I felt for him and he rejected me right to my face I basically just ruined my perfect friendship with Daniel.
“Okay well since I just kicked your butt twelve games in a row, I think I’m going to go to Kelli’s now.”
“Uh, it was eleven, and I guess I will see you tomorrow because we have to go mow Mr. Radley’s lawn at three. Remember?”
“Yeah, No I remember, I’ll be there.”
I felt so awkward, but he acted as if nothing ever happened, like I did not just spill my heart and soul to him. i don’t think he realized that I just ripped our friendship into pieces because of my conscience. As I was walking down the driveway I felt a warm moist tear race down my bright red face. I did not mean for it to happen but out of nowhere I decided to sob in the middle of Daniels driveway.
“Maddie! Maddie wait.”
Oh crap! I was blubbering at Daniels house and he was soon going to find out. I hurried and wiped the tears off my face and caught my hyperventilating breathe just in time to hear him tell me that I left my sweater in his house. I turned to grab it and he mumbled a worthless apology explaining how it would be weird because we are like brother and sister. I did not blame him for not liking me but an apology wasn’t going to put these pieces of my heart back together.
I did not even knock when I arrived to her house I just barged on in as if it were my own home.
"Hey! So tell me everything. What happened?"
"What Happened? Okay let me tell you. I spilled my guts to Daniel, I told him everything, I said I loved him and that I have liked him for a couple of years."
"O yeah what did he say?"
"He rejected me! To my face. He said he likes Alexis."
"Yeah and the worst part is I cried!"
"Yeah right in front of him, and it didn’t even faze him he said that we were too close and it would be weird if we had that kind of relationship. Tomorrow we have to go mow Mr. Radley’s lawn so yeah...this will be fun."
After a long sleepless night at Kelli's I decided to be like Daniel and act like this never happened. When I pulled into Mr. Radley’s driveway I had seen Daniel already started the lawn. When I pulled into the driveway he shut off the mower and walked up to me. He walked as if he was walking on a cloud. So perfectly, he did not slump or and trip as I did, he walked like he was a runway model walking down the cat walk.
“Madison, I thought you were going to bail on me. Thank God you didn’t because Mr. Radley wants his flowers watered.”
He smiled at me unobjectionably, he now knew that I loved him and he was going to take advantage of that and make my life even more miserable.
“Hey before you get started I thought I would tell you that I took your advice last night.”
Advice? I don’t remember giving him advice, I remember humiliating myself, and filling up with remorse but I didn’t think I gave him advice. So I asked him what advice he was talking about.
“By telling me that anyone would be crazy not to like me, because I am attractive, fun, and nice.”
I was completely baffled. I didn’t mean that for advice I was trying to hint to him that I liked him, I was trying to flirt. At this point I had no idea what he was going to say next.
“I asked out Alexis Cummings, and she said yes.”
At that very second all I heard was the loud buzzing in my ear, I saw his lips moving but no words coming out, I felt myself getting colder, filling with antagonism and envy. I could not tell if I was crying on the outside but deep down inside I was overflowing. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything like “congratulations” or “that’s cool” so I just pasted on a phony smile and began to water the flowers. The three hours of yard work with Daniel was the longest three hours of my life.
I very quickly began to hate school, I was mad all the time. I was indeed acting selfish but I felt like no one could ease the pain I was going through. Every time I seen Alexis I just wanted to go up to her and throw a punch. But she had nothing to do with my problem, it’s not her fault she is perfect. Lunch was the only part of the day I looked forward to. My friend Ned is the only person who can make me feel better when I am this mad. He can take something as simple as a “Have a Chip” and get me to laugh.
It has been three weeks since I blurted out the unwanted news to Daniel. He and Alexis have been going good. They are perfect together. The two of them were on top three for cutest couple on the senior choice awards. I voted for them. That’s how cute they are. I realize now that my friendship with him will never be the same, but that’s only because I won’t allow it to be, he has asked me to hang out, but I feel weird and uncomfortable. I’m going to change though I want things to be like how they use to be. I might be lying to myself but I no longer am in love with Daniel Kline.
I was late for fourth hour again and on my way there I accidently bumped into one of my class mates, Jacob, as we bumped into each other our papers went flying everywhere. I bent down to help clean up, and as I looked up I was dumbfounded by his beautiful and perfect smile. As if his smile wasn’t enough to stop my heart, he had a breath taking voice that said one simple word to me, and made the butterflies come back again.