You probably won’t remember my name. The way it used to roll off of your tongue in the morning, and the sweet sound of laughter that filled my ears as you pulled the blankets onto the floor forcing me to turn my attention to you. You won’t remember this because something very bad has happened. Three months ago we got into a small fight that resulted in us deciding not to carpool to work like we did everyday. I had just pulled into work when I got a call saying there had been an accident. A semi truck hit your passenger side, and you were being rushed to the hospital in critical condition. I froze. I couldn't get my feet to move, yet all I wanted to do was run to your side.
A coworker of mine dragged me to his car and drove me straight to the hospital. It was like I was numb to everything around me. He kept telling me to get out, but something in me knew I was too late. I sat for a few minutes as I thought of every possible scenario that could play out the moment I walked through the door. I ran to find you, but my conscience was right. I was too late. When I got to your room my mind felt like it was going to explode with the sounds of the machines whirring and beeping. I fell to the ground and I cried. You were in a coma, and I had missed my chance to apologize and tell you I loved you one last time.
The doctors said there was no chance of you coming back to me. They asked if I wanted to take you off of life support to donate your organs to people who needed them. But I am stubborn, and I told them I’d wait for you even if it meant wasting an entire lifetime. So I sat by your bed everyday. I read your favorite books to you, and kept you up to date with what was going on in the world outside those empty white walls. Then two weeks from today I felt your hand close around mine as I was telling you about our niece. You opened your eyes, and mine filled with tears. Something was missing. It felt as though you were staring through me, and not at me. You started to scream and hit me, telling me to get away from you. I called for the doctors and when they came in they had a nurse take me out.
I sat in the waiting room for hours before hearing anything. You’re struggling from from longterm memory loss, and you may never get it back. You may never remember the way you loved me. So I have decided to write you a series of letters in hopes that they will help to spark that flame you had in you. I will make you fall in love with me all over again, and this time I’ll do it all differently.
The first time I saw you I knew right away that I had to have you. I was talking to some of my friends at the opening of a new art gallery downtown, and in walk a woman with long black hair and piercing blue eyes. A dark red dress clung to your body, and instantly I was mesmerized. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. You were the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. I walked up to you with as much confidence as I could muster, but I must have looked pretty funny because you couldn’t hold back your laughter long enough for me to get half way across the room.
For the first time in my life I was at a loss for words. It was like somehow you had taken all of my thoughts and held them captive in my mind just by looking me in the eyes. You introduce yourself, and I blurt my name out causing you to laugh even more than before. Your laugh is what reeled me in, and it was one of the many things that made me fall in love with you over and over again every day. It was like suddenly moon and the stars aligned, and they wanted me to have you. I managed to get out enough words to get your number and successfully get you to agree to go to dinner with me.
My friends never let me forget that moment, but after a while I didn't care. Because I had won, and after only a few months of dating you were mine, and I was yours. We moved in together, and we even adopted a dog. You thought I’d leave you once all of your weird quirks began to show, but they only made me want to stay. I loved the way you let the weather pick and choose when your writing was the strongest. I loved how you crinkled your nose when you were lost in a book. I loved that despite all of your flaws you were still perfect in my eyes, and you still are.
Sure we fought from time to time, but every couple does. I would’ve been more scared to lose you if we hadn’t. With each fight came a resolution, and it was these long talks that helped to make us stronger. I stopped going out with my friends after work, so you could worry less. You weren’t even afraid that I would cheat on you, because you knew it would break both of us if it ever happened. We trusted each other enough to know that if one person needed space or some type of adventure, it was never to hurt the other. I knew that your writing was important to you, and I gave you the freedom that you needed to be successful.
This week you seem a little less anxious around me. You have been sitting at your computer for days looking through pieces that you have written, and pictures of us. I think that somewhere deep inside you know that I am someone that you can trust. You ask some questions every once in a while which I appreciate greatly. I will take any excuse to talk to you, and tell you stories of our life. You seem to love the dog, Bailey. And sometimes I swear their is a spark of remembrance in your eyes, but just as quickly as it appears it fades away. I know that I will find a way around this. My heart knows no love for anyone other than you, and it never will.
I remember when I told you I loved you. We went hiking on our daily trail, and sat on the highest point as we waited for the sun to rise. Bailey ran circles around us, and we laughed until we cried. We talked for hours before the bright pinks and yellows began to fill the sky. I was lost in the pattern of the clouds when suddenly the words came out. You stared at me, and I repeated them louder. You took a moment and then your smile stretched from ear to ear, and you repeated those three words back to me. It was perfect. You were perfect.
Today I let it slip. Today we were so involved in conversation that I said those three world out loud for the first time since you came home to me. Your eyes opened wide, and you quickly got onto your feet, apologized, and ran into your room locking the door behind you. I think I really messed up this time. I hope we can go back to the way things were, but I think I may have pushed back to a farther date than I had hoped.