Crossroads

April 19, 2018

We met over the summer. I saw you as soon as I entered the room, my eyes gravitating to you almost immediately. My heart thumped in my chest and I had to pull my eyes away from you as a smile stretches across your face. I find my seat and try to keep myself from looking over to you. Hours go by with you sitting just over there. When it? time for lunch and I walk with my group to the cafeteria. I kept my eyes on you. Once I got my food and started back to our table, imagine my surprise when I see you sitting at the same table I was heading for. I contemplate sitting next to you, and starting a more personal conversation. Get to know you as I so desperately want to. As the distance closes, I decide in a split second and take the seat right next to you. At first, it? quiet and we don't talk, or move, really. I pick at my orange chicken and noodles and finally I struck up a conversation. We talked about you and your passions, what you want to do, where you want to go. Lunch was over by the time the conversation shifted to me, but I didn't mind. We walked back to the room with the promise of talking again tomorrow.
And we did. Every day that we sat together at lunch and talked getting to know each other, singing duets, we teamed up for activities. I learned that you were allergic to bananas and liked spicy food. You and I became great friends. We exchanged information and talked almost every night. At the end of the week we parted with a hug and a promise to stay in touch. Finally, school started back up again and we kept talking. Distance prohibited meeting up, but when we could, you were like a breath of fresh air to fill my drowning lungs. More time passed and finally I started to realize it. I felt stupid for not seeing it before, or maybe I did and just didn't want to admit it to myself yet, but I realized I loved you. That I had loved you since the moment I took the chance to sit next to you and learn about you. I loved the blue of your eyes and how they would light up when you smiled. The way your hair curled around your fingers when you ran your hand across your scalp. I loved how your sense of humor matched mine and how well we joked together. I loved your voice. The deepness when you sang and the height when you were excited. I loved you for who you were. I finally told you one day during one of our rare in-person meetings. All my worries and fears of you not feeling the same way were immediately quelled when you simply answered ¨Me too¨.  It was like a dream after that. I was the harmony to your melody, because we just worked. We were in love and we were together. You and I, far apart but so close.
The tragedy of this, is that it never happened. When faced with the fateful decision of where to sit, I chose instead the seat on the opposite side of my friend. I sat eating my food watching people walk by as you two talked. We did eat lunch every day but it was in a group and we were all socializing separately. You never got to know me for me, because I never gave you a chance. I wasn't brave, nor was I apart of a love story straight from fiction. Instead, I sit back and watch you live your life from afar as I live mine, dreaming of a love that never was. I was faced with a crossroads and looking back, I picked the wrong one.






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