I sat in the dark, watching the yellow flowers die, slowly. They were once so beautiful like our love, and so full of life, like him. I remember when my husband gave them to me. It was just a week ago. We had a dinner date. At our favorite restaurant (Olive Garden). I spent all day getting ready for our date. We haven’t been out in years. He’s been working a lot, I’ve been busy with the kids, and I was ashamed of myself. I really wanted to impress Chris. So, I spent two hours at the hair salon getting my curly hair flat ironed and highlighted brown. Chris loves my hair when it’s straight. It was easier for him to run his fingers through it. When my hair was straight it ran down my back. I struggled to run my fingers through my nappy hair. My fingers smelled like old flat irons, and I had so much shrinkage. I went to Forever 21 and found a yellow fitted dress. The dress hugged all my curves. I wanted Chris to notice me. These past few years I have been feeling invisible. He hasn’t made love to me since the birth of our second child, Chris Jr who is now three years old. I wanted to change that tonight. While I was at home getting ready, my phone received a text message. It was Chris. I got nervous, I thought he was about to cancel on our date, again. But the message read “Just go to the restaurant, I’ll meet you there.” My heart fluttered, he wanted to spend time with me. When I entered Olive Garden I felt a little uncomfortable. Every man in the building had eyes was on me. I haven’t had all eyes on me since I was in high school. That’s when Chris and I met. He was the captain of the football team and I was captain of the cheerleading team. We instantly clicked, we were a bond that couldn’t be broken. But in our senior year I got pregnant with our first born, Zari. My door opened slowly. “Hi Mommy” Zari said getting into bed with me. She’s gotten so big, it’s crazy. She’s so mature for a ten-year-old. “Yes, baby girl?” I asked her pausing the tv. “You look better mommy. That’s all I wanted to say.” She kissed me on the cheek and left.” The weight never disappeared. But now after ten years I have my figure back. All my curves have repapered with some new ones. The looks made me feel like I was still fat. My weight is the reason why Chris and I eloped, I was too ashamed of myself. As I was getting deeper in thought I looked up and saw my sexy husband walking my way. His hair has turned grey and he grew a beard. He licked his lips at me, which made me smile. “Hello beautiful” he said handing me yellow flowers. He sat next to me and whispered in my ear; “You’re looking really good in this yellow dress Mrs. Brown” I sniffed Chris’s side of the bed and smiled. His side always smell like his Ralph Lauren Cologne. We were interrupted by the waiter. We shared a shrimp pasta and two glasses of white wine. I was happy the whole time with him. As I was looking at the menu for desert, Chris got on one knee. “What are you doing baby?” I said with a shaky voice. “Maya baby will you renew our vows? I know I haven’t been the husband you deserve, but I promise baby I will spend more time with you and the kids.” He said while placing the rose gold princess cut diamond ring on my finger. I helped him up and kissed him with so much love. I looked down at my new ring. A smile creeped across my face. I can’t wait to see my husband. Chris paid for the food and we left. We were in the car singing Can you stand the rain by New Edition. Our favorite song. I began to sing “Sunny days, everybody loves them. Tell me baby can you stand the rain.” I looked outside, and it was a sunny day. Chris took his seat belt off to get his suit jacket for me because I was cold. Sadly, our moment was cut short. A car ran into us from the side and pushed us off the rode. The car flipped over twice. I was watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy, the scene when Derik got into an accident came on. It made me have a flashback. Chris didn’t have his seatbelt on. He flew out of the car. That was the last thing I saw. My baby body leaving our Mercedes truck. I woke up in a hospital bed with no scratches on me. I was okay. And I saw Ms. Brown and my mom in the corner of the room in tears. “Where’s Chris? Is he okay?” I started panicking. “Calm down sweetheart.” My mom said trying to calm me down. She rubbed my head and kissed me on the cheek. “He’s dead. Chris. Chris is dead.” Ms. Brown said bluntly with no emotions in her eyes. The tears started flowing. “How am I going to tell the kids? What am I going to do?” “We already told them. Don’t worry about anything sweet pea.” My mom said. “I got him cremated Maya. I knew you wouldn’t be able to handle it. So, I did it. The ashes will be to your house in a month. I thought to myself; this is real. My husband is dead, and it’s all my fault. I cried every day. Till today. March 31st. I sat in the dark, watching the yellow flowers die, slowly. I keep thinking Chris dying is my fault. If I made him put on his seatbelt before driving off, he would still be alive. If I would’ve ordered dessert he would be here. My room door creaked opened. “Mommy, it’s my birthday. Your big boy is now four.” Chris Jr said while getting in the bed with me. I looked into his eyes and saw Chris. And I heard Chris voice say “Baby, I’m tired of seeing you depressed. They already lost one parent, they need you. Now get your sexy behind up, and be the mother to our kids. I love you.” A smile creeped across my face. I kissed Chris Jr on the cheek and said “Happy birthday baby. Go tell your sister to get dressed, we’re going to Disney land.” Chris Jr left the room, with soo much joy. I got out of bed and saw my yellow dress on the floor. Surprisingly it didn’t have any blood on it. Maybe I was meant to live. I looked up under the bed and saw a mysterious box. It read “To my lovely wife.” I opened it, inside was a picture of Chris and I from high school when I was pregnant with Zari. There was a note attached. You are so beautiful, and I know I need to start telling you more. I love you. I’m going to start telling you both things more. Maya, I don’t ever want to lose you. You are my forever girl. I remember when we first found out you was pregnant, you thought I was going to leave you, but obviously I didn’t. Till death do us apart my dear. Till death.” I folded the letter back up and got into the shower. The shower was so refreshing. I washed all the guilt off and washed my hair. When I got out the shower I let Zari flat iron my hair. We got dressed. Before we left I took one more look at the yellow flowers, took one petal and the threw away the rest. Surprisingly the sun was shining bright. We got in the car and put on our seatbelt.
A sunny day
March 24, 2018