everything means nothing

January 20, 2018
By , greenfield, WI

I’ve been in denial for 2 months, I’ve been thinking everything would improve for 4. I feel nothing when we touch, not butterflies, not joy, nothing. Empty kisses and an underwhelming presence fill our time together. This is breaking my heart and he doesn't even know, what if he feels the same? What if he doesn’t, what if I fill him with the same lust and wonder I did when we first met. I thought it was just a slump, one of these days I’m gonna wake up and my heart will be full. I will be happy undoubtedly and he will feel the same. We are happy, we are young, we are obsessed, we are in love. Half of our time together has been lifeless.
I have always been incredibly up and down but I am stable, I almost feel as though I owe it all to her. She makes everything evidently better. I’ve had a few serious relationships before, the feelings always fade or something big and bad and possibly unforgivable occurs but we are wonderful and we have been for 8 months. Almost scary wonderful but I’m not going to question a lack of issues between us. I am simply captivated by her being furthermore I bought a ring to prove it.
I couldn't do it tonight not at an upscale restaurant that he definitely had to make reservations to get a table at, I couldn’t inform him that I don’t feel the good feelings anymore. My final hope for us was that we were on the same page, I almost hoped he was dissatisfied. He seems so happy and now I know I’ve been too passive.
I keep on having to rub my hands off on my pants to clear them of the sweat that I don’t seem to be slowing the production of. What if she says no? Her soft smiles from across the table say otherwise, we are wonderful. The waiter brushed past me earlier and confirmed that the ring was in the spaghetti, which sounds like some sort of code but no the ring was in the spaghetti. She went on about how work had treated the past few days since I’d last seen her, normally I’d be entrapped in her words but tonight I couldn't focus at any moment we’d receive our plates and depending on how deep in the spaghetti the ring is there could be 30 seconds between plate arrival and marriage proposal.
Maybe we are on the same page, he is zoning out every few words I say. I’m not even bothered by it. “Alright, here you guys are.” The waiter said setting down my plate in front of me and interrupting my thoughts and his too apparently, he looked at my spaghetti like he was afraid of it. “Need anything else?” The waiter questioned smiling, “Not that I can think of, thank you!” I replied returning the enthusiasm as I always do .
She’s looking at me like I’m crazy, oh no. I shouldn’t have had them plant a ring in her food. This was a stupid way for me to get to the point, she is about to take a bite when I impulsively shoot up and end up on one knee to the right of her chair. “What are you-” “Will you marry me?”






Post a Comment

Be the first to comment on this article!

Site Feedback