It was the last of summer and my sister and I were walking into the coffee shop. I always dragged my sister, Lily, to the coffee shop with me. Even though she’s my sister and sisters are supposed to be annoying, there was something special about her. She’s such a joy to be around and I don’t know what i’d do without her. She meant the world to me and she’s probably the only thing keeping me sane. After my mom divorced from my dad a year ago, everything has been hard but Lily was always there for me. Even though I was suppose to be the one looking out for her, considering she’s only 11.
This shop was one of the places i’ve visited most this summer. It wasn’t the coffee that brought me in, it was probably the hottest guy at school, Brian. He worked at the register almost everyday. He may be a football player but he’s not like the others. Everyone says that he’s a jerk but to me I saw him as the perfect man. He’s charming and has the perfect smile with the best dimples I’ve ever seen. I knew I had no chance with him - no one did, but I couldn’t resist.
I was in the cafe for less than 5 minutes and I could see him glancing my way from the corner of my eye. Right as I felt the slightest connection from merely a glance, I saw that another girl was sitting right behind me. I sighed and continued to drink my coffee.
“ I saw that,” Lily laughed.
“Saw what?” I said trying to act like nothing happened.
"You just thought Brian looked at you!” Lily laughed again.
I threw a napkin at her trying to hide my embarrassment but it just turned into burst of laughter. Even at my most embarrassing moments, Lily always had a way to make me laugh. After a total of 10 minutes recreating some of our most embarrassing but funny moments we left the coffee shop.
It was the next day and it was way too early in the morning to be up, but it was finally the first day of junior year. It was exciting but also one of the scariest things I could imagine.
“Ready for another year of torture?” I said.
“Anything to get closer to college,” Emma, my best friend, responded.
I ended up running late and arrived at school just as the bell was ringing. I had to sprint to my math class to make sure I wasn’t late. I walked in as calmly as I could and looked around. There were no seats available except for the one next to Brian. As great as it was, that meant he would see how bad of a math student I was. This was probably the worst class I could have with him and it was also the only class we had together.
“Hey,” Brian said.
I didn’t realize he was talking to me until he tapped on my shoulders.
“Oh, you were talking to me?” As much as I wanted to say how good he looked today, I contained myself.
Even though he didn’t know my name it was still nice that he remembered me from all those times I’ve ordered at that coffee shop. I mean, my name's not that hard to remember, it’s his favorite flower, Violet. It felt like forever but the last bell finally rang. It was the end of the school day and as I was waiting for my mom to pick me up. I could see Brian from the side of my eye. I heard a honk and it startled me so much I almost screamed.
It was only the second week of school but in all honesty it felt like we’ve been at school for more than a month. Quizzes and tests in all of my classes already and my homework was really starting to build up. It was passing period when all of the sudden I hear the speaker, “Violet, please come down to the main office.” This has never happened to me before. Was I actually in trouble? I thought of all the things that could possibly get me in trouble while walking to the office but so far I had none.
My mom and dad were in a room. What were they doing at school? Especially my dad, I haven’t seen him in a year after the divorce. I couldn’t have possibly gotten into so much trouble that both my parents had to come to school.
My mom sniffled. “Take a seat Violet.”
“What’s the matter?” I said, “Am I in trouble?”
“Lily was hit by a car on her way to school,” my mom said as a burst tears of came down. “And she didn’t make it.”
I couldn’t believe it. Lily was the only thing that kept me going. I felt a huge gut in my stomach and soon, tears also came rushing down my face. We sat down for a good 20 minutes, hearing only the sounds of our grief piling up in the room. I couldn’t handle being in the room anymore so I ran out of the room. Out of all the people I could have run into, it was Brian. He saw tears running out of my eyes and decided that it wasn’t the best moment to start a conversation and continued walking.
The rest of the day felt like I was carrying around a cinder block in my throat. I did get to stay home and miss the rest of school but that felt like nothing compared to losing my favorite person in the world. I stayed in my room the rest of the day. My mom tried to come talk to me but the only thing that came out were tears.
It was nighttime now and I was still curled up in my bed going over the conversation I had with my mom when I first got the news for over what felt like the twentieth time. I thought of all the good times we had together. All the memories we made in her short lifespan.
It was the next day and I couldn’t bare showing my swollen up face in front of the whole school. My mom let me skip school for the next few days. Everytime I think of her I start to tear up, and there goes another twenty minutes of balling my eyes out. I walked into the kitchen to get a snack and stared at the empty chair that use to be Lily’s. I thought of all the good times I’ve had with her. There were so many but somehow I remember each one like it was yesterday. I suddenly lost my appetite.
These last few days made me realize how much my dad cared for Lily. He stayed at our house and every morning I can see his puffy eyes and how hurt he was in his eyes. My mom on the other hand wasn’t handling the situation very well either. Even though my dad did try and push himself out of the room, my mom rarely even left the room. Everytime I tried to come and talk to her, her door was locked.
The weekend has passed and it was early Monday morning. I’d forgotten all about Brian until I thought of what I would be doing in school right now. Probably talking to Brian in all honesty. I got Brian’s number from a friend and was about to text him to ask for the homework in math class when he texted first; He asked how I was holding up. I was confused as to how he got my number but just told him that I was fine and to tell me the homework. I then tossed my phone across the room. My heart was racing and I don’t know if it was the fact that he texted my first because I was always the one texting him first or the fact that he brought up Lily.
I could hear the phone buzzing away across my bed and to my suprise once again it was Brian. He asked if he could come over to drop off the homework and I was thinking about all the things I could do to mess up but I ended up just saying yes. I honestly thought that he was just coming here out of pity but people can be very surprising sometimes.
The doorbell rang and I rushed down and opened the door.
“Hey Violet, I’m so sorry about your sister but here’s some homework to get your mind off it. And if you want, I could stay and help you finish it?” Brian said.
“Actually that would be great,” I responded.
Like I said, people can be very surprising. I was in shock he asked to stay over but I wasn't complaining. The next few hours flew by like a gust of wind. Brian realized that I’ve been living in my room for quite sometime and dragged me out to get ice cream. It was the best time I could’ve had in a long time. He made me forget about Lily and it felt like everything else in the world was miraculously gone. And somehow I spent the last few minutes of the night cuddled next to him in this tiny ice cream shop booth. It didn’t feel like I had a crush on him anymore. I felt like he was my best friend even though so far we probably spent a total of 24 hours together.
By the next morning I felt like I was ready to go back to school. It felt like a burst of energy was channeling throughout my body. But when I actually entered my first class, the whole class stared at me like I was a ghost and started whispering. This happened in almost all my classes and it definitely didn’t raise my mood.
I was hoping I could find Brian in the halls to brighten my mood. When I did, I just froze. He was talking to another girl. I looked away for one second and when I looked back it looked like they were to kiss. Of course this wasn’t to my surprise. With my luck I wouldn’t be surprised if I crashed the car. The rest of the day was just a blur.
I got home and I felt like a pile of bricks just got dumped on me. I’ve never felt this sad before and I couldn’t take it. My mom ended up getting in a fight with my dad all over again. I thought that Lily’s death would bring us all together but I was wrong. He said that it was all her fault that Lily was dead and for the divorce. It was my dad’s fault for cheating on my mom and leaving but that didn’t give him the right to blame by mom for what happened.This went on for over 30 minutes and I couldn’t take the fighting anymore. I thought about how good it would be if I just disappeared. I got another text from Brian but I couldn’t bear opening it. I’ve already made my decision.
The time arose and I wasn’t sure if I was suppose to feel relieved or scared. I was a little bit of both. I had more than a handful of pills in my hand I found in the cabinet. I wasn’t sure if it would do the trick, so just in case I ran a bath up to the rim. If the pills won’t kill me I’d likely stay unconscious at least for a short period of time and I’d slowly let myself drown. I filled up a glass of water and began to take the pills five at a time. When the bottle was empty, I sat in the bath and waited for the moment. I thought about it and decided to send one last text to Brian. I opened up my messages and wrote my final words, “goodbye.” Just as I was about to hit send, I saw a glimpse of what Brian was trying to tell me before, “I know we aren’t that close but all this time I’ve spent with you made me realize that I love you.” Right then, I knew I was making a mistake. Before I had the chance to save myself my head leaned back and I slid back into the water.