The End

August 21, 2017
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The day I met you, Grayson Black, was a day I’ll forever remember. It’s not because it was special or because we had some amazing, it was nothing really. The day we met we said our hellos that were forced upon us by our moms at that family outing with three other families. It was a day I’ll always remember simply because it’s hard to forget when you meet someone and everything just...clicks.
I don’t believe in love at first sight, because really you can’t just lock eyes with someone and be in love. Love is a built up emotion, something that happens day by day little thing by little thing. But, I do believe that you can have a sense of knowing, like a gut feeling.
That day we met I got that exact feeling. With my shaky hand in your big hand and our eyes locked, I knew...I just knew you were going to be someone I loved, someone I cared so much for...but most importantly, I knew you’d break me.
Maybe I knew you’d hurt me because, well, love doesn’t stick around, I’d seen that much firsthand, but first loves? Come on, now. Or maybe it was simply because I saw deep into you, into those brown eyes of yours, and I knew you’d hurt me because someone as amazing as you, someone with such a beautiful smile like yours, would never love somebody like me forever. You were much too perfect and I...I was much too bland, too boring and too simple. It was so special that I even got the opportunity to love you and get the same kind of love right back for the amount of time that you would’ve been a miracle if you loved me forever.
But, of course, miracles don’t happen and the day eventually came where you woke up and decided that you were no longer in love with the girl wrapped around your bare torso.
Actually, that’s probably not true. You most likely didn’t wake up that morning with a small pool of drool next to my gaped mouth and think, “Yeah, I’m just not feeling this anymore.” Chances are it was more of a build up, each day you noticed you weren’t feeling the same and maybe you woke up that morning and it was like everything made sense and it finally clicked that I wasn’t the one for you anymore.
Now, me, on the other hand, I was unsuspecting of it all. I woke up that morning, was momentarily embarrassed of the drool before quickly swiping it away, and looked up at you, a smile on my face and thinking, “I’d love to spend every morning waking up to this boy.”
I bumbled around all morning, getting dressed and applying makeup, dancing to my bad music and telling you corny jokes, so unsuspecting.
You dropped the bomb right before I left to spend the day shopping with my mom.
You had whispered one word, “April.” It wasn’t the fact that called my name that stopped me, it was how you said it. There was a sad tone to it, a guilty tone. It made me feel uneasy. I tried to play it off cool, with a simple, “Yeah, babe?”
My heart was beating so fast and hard in my chest, my hands began shaking and I couldn’t even say why. All you said was my name.
You didn’t beat around the bush when it came down to it. Which, I’m not sure makes you a jerk or not, but it was a quick, “We need to break up.”
Five words, all it took was five words to make me unaware of whether my heart was beating anymore. Five words to make me forget to breathe. Five words that made me numb to what was going on at that moment. To numb me, to pause my reactions.
Truthfully, I heard you words, I saw your hand on my upper arm, and I saw the regret in your eyes. I heard you as you explained that it wasn’t me, that it was just you and how you felt. I heard you tell me you’ll always love me and I heard you wish me a goodbye as I started to leave your house when my mom pulled up, I even managed an “I love you.” I don’t think any of it registered. 
But as we backed out of your driveway and my mom asked me how our night was, it all crashed down on me like a ton of bricks.
The tears came almost immediately and my sobs, my god awful sobs, echoed off the interior of the car. And as my mascara mixed with my tears and left black streams down my face, and as I tried to explain to my mom what was wrong, I realized something.
I realized I had been right.
You had grown tired of plain old me.

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