She wonders where her head is going, off in the distance. She wonders how she has got to this point of feeling so happy, yet so damaged. She does not want to answer if she has ever regretted meeting him. The truth is she does not regret it at all. In fact the part she only regrets is telling the people that she loves that she loves him as well. That she is curious about him and if he is curious about her as well. She knew she would get hurt, she was not stupid, yet she did also know that she would cause herself pain falling for a guy that would never see what she sees. She thinks he was lonely, they both were, fighting for something that is similar to attention. They shared everything and anything. Never underestimating each other’s lengths to try to care for one another, but only as friends. Love was never the word she used. But it was the one thing she also wanted. Every night and every day. Was she foolish? Not for caring for him, but for telling her feelings. That was the mistake. That was what made the plan all go haywire. People knew making her look like a person she has been avoiding to be, also making the guy a subject to every topic. It was brutal. She hid it very well to say the least. He was confusing, had feelings that would drive her nuts, the uncertainty. She was constantly abhor to such actions that she could never fully say for people to understand. It was so overwhelming. He fell for another girl, by that time she had already lost hope, so the effect and loosened every now and then. She was pretty, that was all she knew. Everyone knew it, everyone knew that they had feelings for one another, for God sake they let it show. It wasn’t like him really. The relationship was still going, everything was fine, except for her. She did not want this type of thing to happen again. She did not want It because it would break her heart and eventually soul, because people affect people, and other people do not care. They will not understand. So now she just wonders, where she will be, because right now she is predicting the future, and she is getting everything right. For love to win she will have to accept that she will have to love herself.
The Future Starts So Slow
May 20, 2017