I believe in opening up you're heart

May 11, 2017
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First loves are tricky. It usually happens during the early stages of middle school. It's always THE boy. The boy that always stares at you a little too long just to be friendly, and the way the corners of his smile do a 180 and makes your heart skip a beat. Or maybe it's the way he always asks about your day or to help with homework you don't understand. And that's when it starts, the butterflies, the cheeky smiles and your fingertips smoothly finding their way around his. Most people will call this a crush. And you know why they call them crushes, because in the same little amount of time your heart started to warm up to the fact that this could be your first boyfriend, you noticed you weren't the only one he held doors open for or played with the baby hairs that laid at the back of your head. You realize you aren't as special as you thought you were. And a little piece of your heart is crushed and the crushed bits falls out the corner of your eye forming into a tear that rolls down your cheek. You know you weren't in love but you were so wrapped into the thought of what could've been.

Then there's high school. A whole new playground with shiny new equipment and boys to meet. But this time you were more careful with the heart that was once on your sleeve. You didn't think too much of the guy that always put his arm around your neck or the guy that swears up and down you were the most beautiful girl on the planet. You were so careful to not fall under any tricks the boys were projecting. But one slipped away, he didn't grab the attention of your mind to be analyzed as another flirtatious boy. No. Somehow he's crescent smile and big brown eyes wiggled his way into your heart. And you think to yourself what am I going to do, swear off boys until after high school.... How am I supposed to know what it’s like If I won't even put my foot in first? And by that analogy in your mind you dive head first into the pool of those chocolate eyes. At first it was shallow, nice and cool. The water was playful and eager to know how to persuade you to go toward the deeper end, but each step you took the water seemed to be turning on you, the whiplash of the water smacking your face tangling up your hair and blinding your eyes. But it's your heart that's guiding you, that's pulling the strings and putting each step forward. And it's the same heart that gets tossed around, little pieces cracked into an on and off relationship, between a boy you thought you could trust. So you finally ripped the strings that's been controlling you so long and cut the ties with the boy who you believed could've been the one.

And then there's that one person. He started out as a friend. The type of guy friend you told all your problems too and always thought of him as a brother nothing more nothing less. Then something changed like winter to spring, it took a minute to fully come into its final form to comprehend that he wasn't just a brother to you anymore. He meant so much more that. Your heart knew but your mind was slow to the signals of the emotions that you couldn't deny. He wasn't some guy you took for granted and sometimes brush off when y'all couldn't hang out.

No. You went out your way to make sure he wasn't having a bad day, shooting him texts of memes and gifs to make him laugh. Because once that melody hit your ears, it was on replay making you blush and eager to hear it more often. He was the first person you looked for in a big crowd or the person you shared your large fry with. Somehow between searching for the guys you wanted to be the one you overlooked the guy you needed. You realize the little butterflies that would bounce around in your stomach when his name would appear on your screen, or the way you took a little more effort into your looks when you guys were just casually going out. He's the person that you don't see coming, that has you doing the one thing you swore to every break up song and every person in your family you wasn't going to do. Open up your heart.

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