You didn't get it. I don't blame you. I always did have a hard time at explaining my point and making myself clear. I guess you could say I had a habit of "beating around the bush" because I didn't like to see those I cared about hurt, which was also a habit of mine, but not by choice. Anyway, you had always questioned why we couldn't be together, and I just couldn't be fully honest. I had so many regrets and I couldn't let you be another. Not that you would be, but I think I also just figured I didn't deserve you and that you'd be better off without me at all. It had crossed my mind a few times to just leave altogether and save you from anymore hurt than you'd already experienced, but our friendship meant way too much to me. I've wanted you from the beginning and when you finally said you wanted me too it felt surreal. I had to even question if it was actually happening since guys like you never went for girls like me. You were way out of my league. It was also that I had too much on my plate and didn't think you needed those problems in your life. I wasn't worth all the trouble that came with being with me and I knew you deserved much better. I was too unstable for anyone to love. Broken beyond repair. And when you find someone better, I'll be there, happy for you. Even if it's not genuine.
April 11, 2017