If I have felt such pain before, I probably was sub-concious. Well it must have been when I coming out of my mother I don’t know whether that is medically classified as conscious or unconsciousness. But for my 20 years on this earth I haven't felt this pain. The pain of separation from someone you love very much.
Life’s not fair! As I look around everything even the butterflies seem to be having fun and enjoying the cool evening but here I am with a broken heart about to be crushed into smaller pieces. I suddenly feel suffocated although its a breezy spring evening. The problems I’m facing are the ‘thieves’ of my oxygen
I should have never gotten into it in the first place I tell myself but it was inevitable. Love is inevitable. It sneaks right past your defences, penetrates your chest, and goes straight to your heart. Its like a robber who gets past your gate and is knocking fervently at your front door. You try to ignore it but it keeps burning a fire you have to acknowledge and that was what happened between myself and Lisa.
Now 2 years later. After 2 years of joy, 2 years of hugs, of kisses, of late evening and late night works, of evening works, of official and unofficial dates, distance is going to separate us. The plan was to finish University and remain together but that email…that blessing and curse all woven into one gesture appeared and ordered me to leave the country. I am still currently battling how to tell her without losing my composure. The man is usually stronger but I doubt ill be anything near strong today.
I look around at the trees they dance and sway with all joy. I feel the breeze the same breeze that sways this trees gracefully. I see the rabbits hop around no sign of sadness is in them they're all giddy probably playing. The flowers are also smelling wonderful and enjoying the combined attention of the birds, bees and butterflies. Everyone seems to be having companionship and enjoying. Air and nature do really enjoy each other and have the sweetest relationship I know.
And here I am, Life couldn't just let me enjoy more than 2 years of love. It brought another mutation and now I have to leave the love of my life. Have to deal with the frustration of watching her pictures with another man when she has moved on and I’m probably still drinking myself to sleep over her memory. I Seriously doubt ill ever move on, I’ll probably become a celibate.
I feel a tug at my sleeve, I look up and she’s here. I haven't gathered my thoughts and words and she’s already here. I now know how hard it is for a Doctor to make a death announcement it must be something like this. Sigh! I hope I make it through this successfully and as tearlessly as possible.
“Lisa, I …” I hook there and examine her face one last time. Life’s not fair.