The low hum of the highway became drowned out as I twisted the dial on my car radio. Cars buzzed past, their headlights like fleeting fireflies on a hot summer night. A lamp ahead flickered intermittently tapping out Morse code desperately hoping for a response.
After about three or four times of driving to his house I didn't need the GPS. Now I'd gone there so much I didn’t have to look at the signs anymore to know my exit. My thoughts drifted as I settled into the middle lane. I glanced down at the milkshake in my cup holder. The orange stripes on the cup smiled back at me. Maybe this will show him what he means to me. Maybe his emotional distance is just a phase of his, I mean it isn't the first time he's done this.
It didn't matter really. Nothing actually matters if you think about it. In fifty years or one hundred years others will inhabit the earth and it won't matter if I brought him a milkshake or not. We'll both be plant food by then anyway. We're not world leaders, we're teenagers wrapping up our childhood. Historians won't see us as individual people, but as statistics, so why not drive forty minutes to give him a milkshake.
I looked down as my phone light up. He was blowing up my phone, asking where I was and sending me snapchats. He could be sweet. He had one of those hugs that removed you from reality. His big arms would wrap you up and in that short moment all his energy was focused on
you and you alone. When he held my hand galaxies collided. I saw the sky in his intense blue eyes. Those eyes alone were worth the drive.
I exited the freeway and pulled into his sleeping neighborhood. It looked bare now that the Christmas decorations were taken down. I cut the headlights and pulled up into his long driveway. The front door opened as a dark figure slinked towards my window. A smile seeped onto my face as I opened my door.
"Hey. Here you go," I said as I thrust the milkshake towards him.
"Thanks," he nodded. He started to turn to go.
"Woah," I called, "I drove all the way over her and I don't even get a hug?"
"Oh, yeah. Right." His big arms momentarily encircled me. "Thanks again, have a good night."
I watched as he strode back into his house. I got back into my car and started the trek back home. The smile had long left my face. I drove home completely numb. He was gone. He had emotionally moved out of my life, leaving me to watch the moving truck roll down the street. Why was I so dumb? I drove forty minutes for someone who couldn't waste forty seconds on me. See here's the thing about hope, it fools romantics like me into thinking there's a chance. My dreams are so enchanting I'm willing to let my heartache for a grasp at a fantasy. The rest of the way home I gazed up at heavens, letting the stars completely mesmerize me. Maybe this one won't work out, but at least it will be good for my art.