Foolish to Think | Teen Ink

Foolish to Think

June 9, 2014
By lexi walker BRONZE, Rochester, Michigan
lexi walker BRONZE, Rochester, Michigan
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

I know everything about her. The way she bites her lip when she's nervous, or the way she knows everything about Romeo & Juliet, or the way she knows every Disney song by heart. I love her... But you see, there's this problem. I can go through walls, no one can see me, and some people may even be afraid of me. I'm what people today call a “ghost”.

Yes, I know what you're thinking. Do you watch her dress? And to that I say, no, that's disgusting and I would never do that to her. I love her, and I just want her happy.
~

I watch her quietly as she sleeps. Her chest rises and falls, her face peaceful, she's probably having a wonderful dream. She grabs her pillow closer, and then lets out a sigh. I smile softly, gently brushing a stray piece of hair out of her face. It instantly falls back. I sigh, and then stand. I should get some sleep... but I don't want to pull my eyes away from her. She's just so beautiful. Her dark brown curls, her blood red lips. When she's awake, she has the most beautiful emerald green eyes, and when the sun shines down on them, they sparkle and become even greener than before! I finally pull my eyes away, yawning slightly. I stand, shuffling to her couch, then plop myself down. I should introduce myself. My name is Courfyerac. I'm 18 years old; I have unruly curly brown hair, and chocolate brown eyes to match. I died in the June Rebellion in France. The scenes replay in my head almost every day... I remember the way I died like it was yesterday.
~

“We need more ammunition!”

Enjolras yells. Joly scurries to find more bullets, but he's shot twice before he can even reach a body. I close my eyes, forcing away dreaded emotions, and run away. I bang on the doors of houses.

“Let us in please!!”

I yell my voice straining. I hear more gun shots. The doors never open. I run back to the Cafe, my feet aching, and my head throbbing. I can't stop, I have to keep going... We have to win. I see Enjolras, Comferre, and everyone else, covered in dirt and blood. We stand together, hearing footsteps downstairs. We all breathe quietly, knowing our evident fate.
~

Alana wakes at around 7 am. I sit up watching her as she walks out into the living room, her curls swaying as she walks, rubbing her eyes slowly. “How did you sleep?” I say. She doesn't respond, like always, but I always ask anyways. Maybe I'm hoping that one day she'll answer.. Maybe one day she'll be able to see me. I laugh bitterly. Of course no one will see you, you idiot. You're dead. I sigh, putting my head in my hands. Alana eats some breakfast, then goes to get changed. She comes out in a beautiful green dress, making her Emerald eyes stand out even more. I sigh softly.

“I wish you could see me... or if you could know how much I love you..”

I whisper softly. There’s a knock on the door. Alana goes to the door, a bright smile on her face. My smile fades instantly. Henry.

“Alana, you look beautiful!”

She smiles, and I can't help but smile again. I love her smile. It lights up the entire room. Corny I know, but I love her, but she's not mine to love... She'll never be mine to love.

“Thank you, are you ready to go?”

Her voice is soft and light. It's like the sweetest music to me.

“Of course.”

He responds. He doesn't love her like I do.. He doesn't understand her like I do, and he never will! I breathe deeply, feeling my rage take over. A light in the already dim apartment shatters, and Alana screams. Henry holds onto her tightly. I calm myself down. I don't have the right to be angry, and I could of just hurt her by doing whatever the hell I just did... She knows nothing about me, or that I'm even here, and neither does he...
~

It's been a few weeks. I'm sitting on her couch, watching her read. I love how she looks when she reads. Her brow furrows in concentration, she bites her lip when she gets to a tense part, and she smiles and laughs softly when she reads one of her favorite parts. I slowly scoot closer to her, and boldly presses my lips to her cheek. The odds of her feeling it were slim to none, but I felt especially bold at the moment, and thought I would take a chance. She gasps softly, looking around. My eyes brighten happily. She felt it!

“Must just be some cold air, maybe I left the window open...”

Her voice is soft, like the puffy white clouds that dot the sky.

“No, it's me Alana! Courfyerac!”

I say, but I know she can't hear me, why was I even trying?

“Did someone just say my name?”

Wait a minute; I can't be hearing this right.

“Hello? Is anyone there?”

She stands looking around. I stand, and grab her hand. She screams, pulling her hand away. She's visibly shaken her skin pale, almost like mine when I was dead... But she wasn't dead. She had life flowing through her veins; her heart was actually beating, unlike my cold, dead one.

“Who's there?!”

She looks terrified, and in turn, my cold, dead heart sinks. I'm scaring her... This isn't how I wanted her to react... I let out a sigh, stepping away, not wanting to frighten her more than I already have.

“My mind must be going crazy.”

She says softly, and then sits back down. The realization hits me like a ton of bricks. I will never get her...My whole after life will be forever empty. She will never be mine.



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