Why Stay?

By
I want a man in him. Still. But that's nothing the heart can't take into it's gentle shaping hands of sandpaper. Rough, yet prepared to handle with care. Leaving minuscule scratches on the glass frame surrounding the orb of love, which has been freely given to him. Given to Stay. Once taken it can never be given back whole. From which the sell is derived. It desires to be accepted, not stolen. The short lived loves that exercise the hands give sell to one of the special designated.


The joy that fills your spirit is with Stay. Until he gives back what he stole, or took he will keep that joy. If it's back and forward he may give it back. If not he will keep it forever. Possibly until you are released. Stay should care. He should be amazed. But he said "don't go". My mind pushed his words into "stay gone".

The words transformed in front of my eyes. Turned Around. Seeing him and my sigh. They say "let the heart take control; not the mind". But my mind is speaking in yelling tones. And my heart in a faint whisper. How will I know when my heart collides?


When I feel his heartbeat dancing with mine. The spots of shine on his face alarm me. Stay was always so damn dark. Depressed. Only because of that pole sticking out of his chest. Keeping me away. No matter what I do, Stay will never be the way. I wish it was so, but he's just. Nothing. Not in the manner of the law, but he is just.


My heart pounds thinking about him. I wish Stay was here next to me. But with my mind in yelling tones, he is wary and stays away. That pole doesn't help. His sun shines in clicks and bangs. When he turns round and hits that pole against something conscious. Mes soleil non piu lite. My sun no longer shines. Stay stole my sunlight.


Stacked bodies of love cover my view of the outer. My view of the frozen. As much as Stay lies to himself. . . He is broken. I am no longer reflective. Together we broke the mirror of self-righteousness. Now you may ask: why my sun doesn't shine. Because Stay didn't give it a chance. It was up to him. Only Him. Ever since I opened my eye to the world. I hoped he would too. but how could he when I had but one eye free. I want him to call me back to him. Why the negative? I just want that warm, red, love.


Every day away from what is to be held close makes me want stay more and more. His glimmering smile, or his passing glance do as much damage as they do repair. Seeing his hand run down her shins. The stops that took a day to conspire. One day free. Need. Whorish need. Don't trust a ho. Especially when packing such enormous blue fire.


The best course of action is to stay alone. The tears that bleed the page will only make you stronger. Stay will make you stronger. The constant thought that, unearthly he is incredibly close. And who but him knows how earthly close. Why can't I know? Why can't it be both what I want and what's good for me? All things go.


Where does this backward heart of glass go? The fake smiles that embody the subtle hatred of Stay sears. Why? The subjective answers empty off into the distant void. And you won't love.


I wished it all would bend. But he still governs my every waking breath. Like a tidal wave that never breaks, I will run and run and never Stay. Cause there's no way back that I could face. As much as I hate it, no one will ever take Stay's place. The artifact of love is a complexity; too sweet, too bitter, too much, too little. A fleeting emotion derived from a notion that people can actually care for each other.

Stay is a wonderful wonder. But I can't feel it right now. Across the room. But a world apart. Our eyes meet for a moment, and the feelings start. Pouring into my veins, down to my fingertips. My hair slips, breaking the connection. But through all this chaos I still feel the direction of Stay's eyes pointed directly towards mine. He stay trying to break through, the invisible wall between us two.
“I have to leave soon, dear.
Away from you I do fear.
I give you my heart,
Sealed with a tear.
A precious pacakge.
Handle with care.
Do you miss me my love,
from away over there?”

Stay's small sins prevent him from there words. The wavering notes filter through my emotional fall. If only I had a voice. You can't sing through a straw. The right time came and he was what I grew to hate. He can stay if he wants to. We know I wanted him to stay. But why not me? What have I done? What have I not done? They all require one answer. Please stay. Oh, please stay. When you walk away you don't hear me say “please, oh baby, don't go”. Simple and clean. It's hard to let go. “Hold me. Whatever lies beyond this morning is a little later on”. Regardless of warnings, the future doesn't scare me at all. Nothing's like before when you walk away.

Stay, you don't scare me. Simple and clean as the way that you make me feel. For the moment your eyes open. Mine close. We both know your lonely road. But YOU chose it. I'm still right here waiting, Stay. All things I ever wanted to know. Morning comes and you don't wanna know me anymore. Keep running Stay. Don't forget the inevitable, though. No matter where you go, it'll find you. It's like a bird. An eagle. While you and I sit, penguins.

You're beautiful, and that's for sure. You'll never fade. You're lovely, but I'm not sure. I won't ever change. My love is great, my love is true. Rows of standard. Our standard. But of course Stay changed an ever-changing luminescent spirit of the sun. “Mes penq la des soleil. Es futur mann tutto chiamata.” I don't know where my soul is. Stay does, so you tell me why he won't tell me? He is the keeper of my most intimate pensives. I fear for my dignity every moment because he could reveal me at any whim. Stay has been bewitched me body and soul. He started my looking glass war.

You see what I want to see. So does Stay. It's MY looking glass after all. It's the only thing that I can control. To sit there and think that you're all right. You'll be wrong every time. And when I try to tell you. . .

I'm mad I'm laughing at Stay's pain. My scroll of seduction worked against me. I pressed my luck with Stay. I think about him. But does he think about me? I'll never be satisfied even if he does. Because I want it all. I want him to WANT me. To be with me. He wants me to be something else. Not what he first fell in love with. He thinks if he was in my life I would have to accept him.
“Dear Stranger,
I'm writing this letter and I don't know your name. But I wanted you to know me. I hope that we can be. . . You still don't notice my love's direction with all this running through my mind. No matter how much I try I can't seem to find. . .you.” Not Stay. No matter what I do. It will always be Stay. I want to love him. But I don't know if I can. Stay has broken my soul. And I have much less to give. You don't deserve the trouble I'll bring into your life. As much as I try, I don't feel worthy of your time. I live my life like tomorrow is your last, keep every moment special and try to love myself no matter what. I keep Stay close to my heart.

It is an anomaly. A gem in the place of time that repeats itself. From every soft crunching footstep against the future representing the past and the beauty of what could be. A single tear of light shining through the panes of possibility. Remembrance of the different lengths of time in the eyes of the fake. The gentle notes that rise and fall with the inept emotion of the conflicted souls who cry out to lonely ears. Grins show from ear to ear with the subtle change of a note.

I am a figment of my imagination. Pangs against the softened heart dissolve me. Barely visible, I cry out to the most unworthy for release. For help. The high pulls me up towards it. As low as I drop, I must always be saved and brought back to life, never happiness. Why is such evil pitted against me? The twists and turns of that path confuse me. And when I am heard no more, with tears running down my face, I revel in the minute invisibility. I force myself to be steadfast and make it through this dream that hinders me. And when my reality awakens I will be remembered as a time of day. I will be naught but an explosion in the sky. And the strange innocence that keeps me will fly off into the sunset.

If you float away, as least tell Stay to keep to the bottom of the hourglass. Let the sands of time trickle down the lines of your eyes. At your best you are lust. What is love but a thought in your head. What is lust but a glimpse in your heart. What is time but a beat in your heart?

You have to set off. Bring it on. Away from what matters.





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writer2005 said...
Dec. 21, 2016 at 7:26 pm
This is one of the most beautiful articles I've read on this entire website. Keep writing works like this, and one day you're name will be on New York Best Sellers. This is wonderful.
 
LillyRobbs said...
Nov. 12, 2015 at 5:10 pm
This is so beautifully written. I could no stop reading even though I couldn't process what I was reading. It's really wonderful.
 
bobally said...
Oct. 25, 2009 at 10:00 pm
woah. beautiful writing. amazing, really.
 
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