I want to slow dance with you in an empty room, lit only by candle light. I want to lay in bed beside you not talking while you leisurely run your fingers up and down my spine; comfortable in our silence. I want you to be blunt when you speak to me and cut through all my bullshit. I want you to know all my flaws and insecurities and tell me to either get over them or change them because no matter what you will love me but you wont stand by while I criticize myself. I want you to know every lie before they even come out of my mouth. I want you to make me look you in the eye so I know were on the same page. I want to be able to look at you with no shame and know your not looking back at me but through me. I want you to be able to know my needs before I even realize I have needs. I want to define myself through you, because If I didn’t have you then I would be a nobody anyway. I want to find myself in you and know that even if you leave me that I had a significant part in your life. That I defined you as much as you defined me. That there is a piece of me within you that you will never let go of, because at one point in your life I made you happy and that was really my only goal. I want to live to please you. I want you to control my life because I need you to. I need you to stabilize me in way I didn't know was possible. to capture my soul and use it against me in my fits of anger. And because I want all these things, the person I speak of doesn’t exist yet. and maybe im ok with that.... because maybe im not ready for it. but I dream of the day that I am ready.
November 30, 2013