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What If?

The season changed just as fast as my heart that fall. One day it was blistering hot, the next, intensely cold. One day we were friends, the next I wanted more, needed more, craved for something more. At a friendship like this, would you expect anything less? A friendship that’s lasted for seven long years, learning more and more about each other. Getting to know each other’s deepest fears, our hopes, our dreams. Becoming so dependent on someone for everything you’re not getting from everyone else. Someone who doesn’t judge you and someone who stays around, doesn’t leave. A friendship so strong that it brings out parts of you, you didn’t know existed. Planning to stay in each other’s lives forever.
I’m scared my feelings will change everything. What if she doesn’t feel the same way? What if the relationship (if anything) goes south and we were never to speak to each other again? What if that doesn’t happen? What if the relationship is beautiful and happy? What then?
To be broken hearted by someone who has no idea. To walk around with a smile on my face and a whole in my heart. Not wanted to go around thinking what if. But too scared to admit the feelings swirling around in the pit of my stomach. Wondering if that’s just nausea or little fluttery butterflies. What’s to come from this attraction? Maybe I’m just thinking too much?




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