Fading Away

June 6, 2013
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Fading Away
The sun shined down on the blue ocean water that morning the day of his funeral. I stood there against the wet sand as the waves crashed up on my feet, washing away the footprints I had left. How could this have happened? How could he have died and I am standing here only left with one scar? That one scar is the one marking that will haunt me forever. Rough Edged and still a little pink located on the corner of my forehead.

I turn and walk away from the beach, where my days were spent with him. I head down the warm concrete sidewalk towards my house. I pass all the houses that look so peaceful and happy. How can the whole world be happy when my life is falling apart? I know the world doesn’t revolve around me, but I do know that everyone has heard about the accident. The whole news had pops that flooded TV screens with the names “Tyler Cortner, Menomonee High School Student, Killed in Car Accident.” The looks I got from people who knew my face were enough to make me go crazy.

That night had been crazy overall. The party we went to was filled with new graduated students. Tyler and I were also celebrating our one year together. The drinks we had that night had been way too many. We were told not to get in the car and drive home, but we weren’t thinking. The lights of passing cars were as bright as strobe lights going off directly in our eyes. We didn’t see that turn on the empty forest road. One minute were all happy and the next the car was being flipped and smashed into the electric post. After that, everything was black.

Everyday it feels like the accident was my fault. As I stand here dressed in black facing my mirror, I can’t help it when the tears slide down my face. The voices in my head say “How this could have happened” And “It should have been you.” I walk down the stairs and my mother hugs me and gives me a sympathetic smile. I grab my purse and head out the door to face the day that I have been dreading forever.

The funeral had posters everywhere with pictures of him. Some of the pictures even had me in them. I stood alone as everyone else embraced each other and slowly passed by the closed casket. I know Tyler wouldn’t want me to stand here by myself, silently crying. The day was hot and humid but a cold air swept past me. Chills ran through my body and Goosebumps on my skin formed. I ran outside and hopped in my car and drove away to the place I knew I had to be.

When I arrived, I pulled over on the side of the road and walked up to the pole where the accident happened. I knelt down by the cross and flowers that had been placed there and let the tears silently fall down my cheek. This hot humid day was cloudy but I looked to the sky and a little ray of sunlight peered down on me and I smiled. I knew that it was Tyler and that he was telling me, in his own way, that everything would be okay. Moments later, after that one spot of sun disappeared, I got in my car and drove down the road. Not knowing where I was going, but knowing for sure that he was still with me.

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