Once Upon a Broken Heart

May 7, 2013
By Dani_31 SILVER, Hooker, Oklahoma
Dani_31 SILVER, Hooker, Oklahoma
6 articles 0 photos 2 comments

Favorite Quote:
"the great thing about music is, when it hits you it doesnt hurt"
-Bob Marley

Let me tell you a story of an handsome young man, and a mess of a young lady, and how two unlikly people could cross paths and take a second look as each other. How that young girl couldn't get that young man off her mind but as they kept walking they founf themselves with other people smiling and laughing and carrying on with their lives. Everytime thy passed by each other they'd look back and smile at each other and each time they shared that moment when time just stopped and everything was perfect and beautiful. As every beautiful moment has to end so did the smiling. They didn't even take a second look and it was breaking the young girl's heart, but little did she know he was hurting too. So they never spoke nor looked at each other until one day the crossed the same path the has the first time they met. Finally the young man got up the courage and asked, "what went wrong", the young girl replied as her eyes filled with tears, "you just stopped smiling". wiping the tears and kissing her softly the young man said "give me another reason too". No longer do they cross paths but walk hand-in-hand following the same one, together.

The author's comments:
hey i would love it if y'all would tell me what you think please because this is the first time I've ever written something like this so please comment and tell me in the most brutishly honest way what you think.

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This article has 3 comments.

Ahl0129 BRONZE said...
on May. 21 2013 at 11:50 pm
Ahl0129 BRONZE, Cumberland, Rhode Island
1 article 0 photos 8 comments
I loved the beautiful perspective of your writing. It felt like a fairy tale, and I loved that whimsical yet meaningful feeling. If you are really looking to improve, try adding more detail to make it a true "love story". However, besides that it was perfect.

on May. 21 2013 at 11:13 am
yourlove-mywings SILVER, Yuma, Arizona
7 articles 0 photos 36 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pay attention to yourselves! If your brother sins, rebuke him, and if he repents, forgive him, and if he sins against you seven times in the day, and turns to you seven times, saying, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4

this is soo cute!!!!! i loved it... aww!!!!  yahh it was really good. :D

sarah98 BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2013 at 5:07 pm
sarah98 BRONZE, Holyoke, Massachusetts
1 article 0 photos 406 comments

Favorite Quote:
It is better to write for yourself and have no audience than write for your audience and have no self.

the story was cute, and it had a charm to it that kind of reminded me of a fairytale. Maybe a little more detail though, if you are looking for critique. over all i loved it though.


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