Unhinged

April 22, 2013
By Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas


small, narrow face stares

defeated into a chipped

china cup sitting

in a stool with stuffing pouring

out like broken

dreams, longing looks

out of a grime coated

roadside bar window wings

too damaged to try to fly

sidelong glances at other

lonely table hoggers sitting

frozen hunched around a lukewarm

cup of coffee swishes of hair and fervent

eyes skim broken tires and oil stained

men in a nearby store

chipped polish nails catch

the sunlight mid wave to

a man smiling who looks

about her age she wonders

what will come of the false hope

she calls a future brain spinning

wordless circles in a shadowed orb

like spiders spinning webs in a forest

screen door creeks and the

man steps through beauty amongst

the oil stains present next to a faded name-

tag and other odds and ends

and when he holds out his dirt crusted

hand she graciously accepts and they

take off through the unhinged door

with nothing but a creek to announce their departure.


The author's comments:
just a little something i thought of

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This article has 9 comments.


on May. 24 2013 at 7:20 pm
StarlitSunrise DIAMOND, Clemmons, North Carolina
56 articles 0 photos 253 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Blessed are they who see beautiful things in humble places where other people see nothing." ~Camille Pissarro

  I admire your ability to tell a story within poetry. :) I know that can be quite difficult to do, but you executed it very well. I love the dingy and confined feeling you captured towards the beginning, followed by the release at the end. Great work!

on May. 21 2013 at 9:45 pm
Metalhead08 GOLD, Port Republic, Maryland
15 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'd rather hate you for everything you are. Than ever love you for something you are not. " FFDP "You're born alone and you die alone" FFDP "I wonder out where you can't see, inside my shell I wait and bleed." Slipknot " If youre 555 then I am 666"

This poem had awesome descriptive imagery, it defiantly created a great image in my brain! It had a very unique form to it, which compelled me as a reader! Great work!

on May. 4 2013 at 11:59 am
IndigoElisabeth SILVER, Woodbury, New Jersey
5 articles 1 photo 171 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 1:1

Great! I love the descriptions you used in this piece. Only thing to fix is a couple of spelling errors (Creak). This is really, really good.

on Apr. 29 2013 at 6:10 pm
JustAnotherOwl SILVER, Unknown, New York
6 articles 0 photos 379 comments

Favorite Quote:
"See, we don't really care who you are;
Everyone is capable of looking up and wishing on a star.
So catch it, so contagious, this day-dreamer's disease,
And hope can be your sword, slaying darkness with belief."

"Sanctuary"- Paradise Fears

I love love love the story of this. It's beautifully written, and it sounds even more amazing if you read it aloud. I think this is very unique and I absolutely love it!

Mckay ELITE said...
on Apr. 29 2013 at 3:21 pm
Mckay ELITE, Somewhere, Virginia
146 articles 0 photos 2260 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do."
—Apple’s “Think Different” commercial, 1997
“Crazy people are considered mad by the rest of the society only because their intelligence isn't understood.”
― Weihui Zhou

Very unique from most prose writing. Contains some poetic elemets adding to the effect and romance of the story.

Hanban12 ELITE said...
on Apr. 27 2013 at 9:52 am
Hanban12 ELITE, Lake Worth, Florida
133 articles 7 photos 633 comments

Favorite Quote:
"If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put foundations under them."
Henry David Thoreau

"I fell in love the way you fall asleep; slowly, and then all at once."
John Green

I love this!! The concept is very unique; love the whole coffee shop idea. I can tell you put alot of work into this and the story line is great! I love poems with stories and hidden meanings. Please write more :)

on Apr. 26 2013 at 3:43 pm
Laugh-it-Out PLATINUM, Brooklyn, New York, New York
38 articles 0 photos 445 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Do not go gentle into that good night. Rage, rage against the dying of the light" --Dylan Thomas

thanks Lexus. I knew YOU would get it. and i did read it aloud for jess but she didnt get it anyway. i guess she didnt see the point. but whatvere, glad you understand!!!! can't wait until your new piece gets posted!

on Apr. 26 2013 at 12:59 pm
LexusMarie PLATINUM, Las Cruces, New Mexico
27 articles 0 photos 423 comments

Favorite Quote:
The more control you have over yourself, the less control others have over you.

For the people who don't understand this, you need to read it aloud and it will be very clear. You put the periods where they make sense and ta-da! It's a really lovely story. It seems people are sitting in an old diner of some sort and this lady is sitting and looking at everything. She sees how sad some people look. She's a very good observer. She looks outside and sees a man and waves to him. She thinks that won't do anthing, maybe he will just take it as a nice gesture. But, she hears the door creek and see's the man walk in. He's a bit dirty, but she still has hope, and can look past it to see his beauty. They take hands and walk out together. It's great. The set-up is very interesting. I like it, it's unique. The title is great. I love how this is a romance story! The tiny details are wonderful. Great job!

jess14 BRONZE said...
on Apr. 26 2013 at 12:48 pm
jess14 BRONZE, New York, New York
4 articles 0 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
"We accept the love we think we deserve"

i dont get it


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