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In My Heart

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“Why?”

I needed to know why this was happening. There were so many months of happiness. And now? It is gone. I would no longer get to see his sweet face everyday. Now, if I happen to catch a glimpse of him on the street all I’ll want to do is run in the other direction. Away from him. I will never be running towards him again.

I felt like bursting into tears, but I have to hold myself together. I would not cry in front of him. All I had to go was hold it together until I got home. Then I could burry myself in my covers, grab that big bag of m&m’s, watch some stupid soap-opera, and finally let go and cry. I just had to wait until then. No big deal, I could do it. Right?

First I had to know why Lucas was throwing all our future happiness away. There had to be a reason. Even as I asked him why, I knew in my heart that there really wasn’t an answer. We just didn’t click. We just weren’t meant to be.

I knew that in a few months I would finally accept that answer. But why do I have to accept it now? Why can’t there be someone, or something to blame? Why can’t he tell me it’s over because he’s moving? Or maybe the reason is that I snore? I would even be fine with that old, sorry excuse of “it’s me, not you”. I just want a definite reason. I need to know why. Is that really to much ask?

If we just did not click, then why couldn’t my heart have told me that when I first met him. It could have saved me all this heart break. I use to think that I didn’t know what love was until I met him, so if ours was false, what is it? How do you know if you’ve finally found the one? Because I could have sworn that Lucas was the one.

“You already know in your heart why.”

I hated to admit that he was right, but I did know why. I hate it when true love doesn’t conquer all. I thought that this was a case when it wouldn’t conquer all, but maybe we weren’t true love. Maybe Lucas was practice, so I would know what true love didn’t feel like. Maybe, as much as it hurts, there is good in goodbye.




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