All Nonfiction Bullying Books Academic Author Interviews Celebrity interviews College Articles College Essays Educator of the Year Heroes Interviews Memoir Personal Experience Sports Travel & CultureAll Opinions Bullying Current Events / Politics Discrimination Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking Entertainment / Celebrities Environment Love / Relationships Movies / Music / TV Pop Culture / Trends School / College Social Issues / Civics Spirituality / Religion Sports / Hobbies
- Summer Guide
- College Guide
- Author Interviews
- Celebrity interviews
- College Articles
- College Essays
- Educator of the Year
- Personal Experience
- Travel & Culture
- Current Events / Politics
- Drugs / Alcohol / Smoking
- Entertainment / Celebrities
- Love / Relationships
- Movies / Music / TV
- Pop Culture / Trends
- School / College
- Social Issues / Civics
- Spirituality / Religion
- Sports / Hobbies
- Community Service
- Letters to the Editor
- Pride & Prejudice
- What Matters
The feeling of the metal blade on my skin is calming. It blocks out the world of bullies, the drama, the tears, a deep sadness I have in my chest. There is a knock on my bathroom door.
“Please open the door sweetie,” my boyfriend says. Tears fall down my hazel brown eyes at a fast pace. His knocking gets even louder.
“JADE! PLEASE! DON’T DO IT!” He shouts.
“GO AWAY!” I scream. My heart starts to race faster. I can hear the fast beat of my heart in my ears. I realize the blade is still on my skin but it hasn’t moved down. The banging on my door gets even louder. It starts to hurt my head.
“Jade, can you hear me? Please, DON’T!” I hear him say with a tone of fear. There is a moment of silence that fills the door that is in between us.
“I’m going to kick down the door Jade if you do not come out of the bathroom” he says.
“Leave me alone Alex please,” I say as loud as I can through my tears.
“I can’t leave you Jade you know that. You can’t keep doing this, you’re killing yourself just by doing this,” He pauses and I can hear him take a very deep breath. “If you don’t unlock this door in the next five seconds I’m coming in by breaking this door down” He says. I hear him count but I don’t move. I can’t move. I feel my body tremble and I soon block out everything around me not paying attention to what I am doing.
I feel the moments pass by and I jump out of my deep thoughts and snap back into reality once I hear the bathroom door break open. Alex rushes to me. He takes the now small bloody metal blade out of my hand and throws it across the bathroom floor, leaving the blood on the razor splatter on the white-tile floor, making me realize that I cut. He grabs my left wrist and puts pressure on it to stop the bleeding and I squint. I look at him with a blank expression upon my face.
“Why? Why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong instead of cutting the life out of you?” He asks me in a soft voice. He looks at me. I see tears form in his dark green eyes. “Please, I love you too much to keep seeing you like this Jade, please stop this. You’re killing yourself slowly,” he says as his voice cracks. Tears fall from his eyes and it breaks my heart. I move slowly closer to him and wipe his tears away with my right sleeve softly.
“I’m sorry. I just can’t take it, I’m hurt, and I’m broken. Broken like the mirror I broke in my bedroom Alex.” I say as my voice is raspy and choked up by the lump in my throat.
“I’m here though Jade. I’m right here in front of you wanting to put you back together, but I can’t if you keep cutting Jade. It’s like I’m trying to put you back together, not caring if your broken pieces is in shreds,“ I see him pause and he gets choked up again. He clears his throat. “But every time you cut I feel like I lose a piece and that piece just disappears. When you cut, you’re killing yourself slowly through a pain of torture” he says in a slow and soft tone of voice. I start to cry even more.
“I’m sorry but the words that the bullies say to me. The things the girls do to me, the nights I cry myself to sleep, the times I put on a fake smile, the times I just hate what I see in my mirror…” My voice trails off but I take a deep breath trying to calm myself down. I Continue, “The weight of all of the s*** I go through is suffocating me, it’s smothering me. It feel’s like I’m being buried alive by everything I’m going through. The only way I feel like I can breathe again is by cutting and let the wounds take everything that I have in my head out. I just can’t stop” I say as a rush of tears kept coming down. He looks at me and then looks at his hand that is still holding pressure on the new wound that I had made. He moves his bloody hand off my cut and sees the blood has stop. He slowly traces his thumb on the old and the new scars that are visible on my wrist. He even traces the one that just stopped bleeding. He sniffs his stuffy nose and slowly looks at me with a blank expression.
“I lost my mom because she slit her wrist” he pauses and catches his breath. “She killed herself because she lost my dad in a car accident. I went to only one funeral because of this issue and I sure as hell wont go to another, especially if its for the only the girl I have ever loved…” his voice trails off. My mouth drops. I could'nt believe what I have just heard.
“He told me both of his parents died in that car crash” I thought to myself. I look at him and look deep into his eyes. I saw hurt and fear. He looks into my eyes as well. He takes a deep breath.
“Please Jade stop this, you need to stop,” he pauses. “I can’t lose you.” he says in a hurt, yet soft tone of voice. I look down at the fresh cut I have made and look at the old cuts that have turned into scars, and then I slowly look at him. I look at the only guy I know who is always there for me, the guy I could see who does love me. Who do I pick? My get away from the pain or the one person I truly love and can’t lose?
I think for a moment. A moment that feel’s like forever. I take a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I will stop for you. Just please,” I pause and catch my breath. “Don’t leave me Alex. Stay and help me like you said.” I said as I break down once again. He pulls me closer to him on the white-tile floor and he hugs me tight.
“I will always be here Jade always,” he said as he kiss my head.
“I love you,” I said in a whisper.
“I love you more than you know, more than you will ever know” he says in my ear. He pulls me and sits me down between his long legs and starts to rock me back and forth, moving his heavy hand up and down my back as I continue to cry into his hard chest. I slowly stop crying as long minutes past us by as we sit on the hard white-tile floor. He doesn’t stop rocking me as I stop crying. He kisses my head softly and just continues to rock me. My blood shot red, heavy eyes start to fall and I slowly drift off to sleep in his strong arms.
It has been six months since I’ve been in rehab and now it’s my time to leave. I walk around my room, packing my black suitcase. There is a knock on my door. I look up and see my friend Daisy standing at the doorway. I smiled and went up to her and hugged her tight.
“I can’t believe you’re leaving me, I’m going to miss you so much Jade” she said in a sad, soft tone of voice as she lets me go.
I laugh a little. “Hey my time of six months in this rehab is done, you have like one more week left. You can handle it Daisy. Besides, I will pick you up and we can spend some time at my place for a little bit until you can get adjusted” I said as I smiled at her. I walk back to my bed and continue packing.
She smiled back at me. “True you do have a point. However,” she says and I laugh a little as I raise my right eyebrow, curious on what she has to say. “I bet you’re happy that you get to see your boyfriend again and finally get to spend more than five minutes with him in this hell hole.” She said. My smile slowly fades. I pause for a moment.
“I haven’t seen him for almost a month” I take a deep breath, trying to collect myself. I slowly let out a deep breath as I began to speak. “I don’t understand why, all I’ve gotten from him was a letter. I wrote him back four weeks ago and still nothing, I bet he forgot all about me” I said as I get sad with the thought of that actually being believable in my head. Daisy frowns and nudges me with her elbow.
“You know that’s not true, come on he loves you. If he didn't love you he would never convince you to get yourself help with your cutting. I bet you anything that he is outside waiting for you right now” she said in a hopeful tone. I can see she was trying to give me some time of encouragement, some type of faith or hope. Her attempt makes me smile a little at her. Her attempt makes me realize I finally found a true friend. I turn and continue packing all my stuff. As I grab the last thing I have in my room, I hear the door close. I take the picture of Alex and me I had in my hand and I trace my finger around his face. I smile a little.
“I hope she’s right,” I said to myself. I put the picture in the black suitcase and close it shut. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, hoping to get a little bit of hope back. I open my eyes and put the suitcase in my hand and set it down. I walk to the door with my suitcase rolling on the floor. I step to the door and look back at the room, I entered six months ago to stop my addiction and I slowly smile. I feel my smile have sadness comforted with a little bit of warmth. I turn back around and close the door behind me.
I walked out the rehab and look around to see if I can find him, I look down disappointed. I didn’t see him anywhere. I can feel my heart break and feel my eyes start to be filled with tears. I shake my head and blink back my tears to not cry. I slowly walk to the bus stop across the street from me and begin to wait for the bus to go home.
Twenty minutes pass and I was already home. The home I haven’t been in, for a long, stressful, six months. I go up the three doorsteps and grab the key that was underneath the mat on the front door. I put the key into the lock and turn it the left. I open the door to my house and see rose petals on the floor. I get confused and I slowly walk inside the house, closing the door behind me. I walk more into the house, passing the wall that blocks my view of the living room to see the trail of rose petals on the white carpet ends at the feet of the guy I most dearly love, holding a dozen roses in his hand with balloons all over the living room with a big warm smile on his face.
“Surprise!” he says with his big smile not leaving his face.
I look at him shocked and I don’t move. I felt my legs were glued to the floor. He walks up to me putting the dozen red roses on the sofa next to me and put his hand on my face, rubbing his thumb on my right cheek.
“I thought you forgot about me” I finally say in a whisper.
“How can I forget about you? You’re everything I need Jade” he whispers back.
“You didn’t come to see me or write to me, I thought you forgot about me,” I say as I begin to cry.
“Hey, I didn’t forget you. I didn’t write or see you because I was working double shifts to save money to get you something,” he says with a soft smile.
“Get me what?” I say confused through my tears.
He slowly gets on one knee and pulls out a black little box. My mouth drops and I begin to feel my heart beat fast.
“I know where only eighteen but I love you with all my heart. I loved you ever since I saw you sitting at the lunch table in middle school. I know this is fast because of our young age but I don’t care. I want to be able to call you my fiancé and soon in about two or four years from now call you my beautiful wife. Jade you complete me more than you will ever know and you’re the only beautiful thing I have in my life. Will you marry me?” he said with a nervous tone in his voice.
Jade slowly smiles once Alex opens the little black box to show a 10k white gold diamond ring. I slowly nod and I help him up from his knees. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him tight. He hugs me back tighter as I feel his strong arms lift me up, twirling me. I giggle and he sets me down. We look at each other in the eyes and we smile.
“I love you Alex,” I say softly.
“I love you too Jade” he says softly back as he slowly kisses me