A Backwards Step

December 13, 2012
By CoffinGrunge SILVER, Invergowrie, Other
CoffinGrunge SILVER, Invergowrie, Other
9 articles 0 photos 0 comments

I’d like to think that this story I’m writing is a story coming from your average teen, then again who knows what average is these days, or what the standard of ‘cool’ is. But don’t worry this story (hopefully) isn’t a cliché teenage girl story, a story about a girl who is desperate to find who she is and to find the ‘one’. No it’s not one of those stories, but instead of taking my word for it, read my words and make your own assumption.
I find myself thinking more often than not, ‘what is life’, ‘what is our purpose’. Yeah I believe in God but I still second guess everything, like why is a tree called a tree or why the human body does the things it does. Just pages upon pages of why’s and how’s, so many questions and so little answers. Who knows maybe I should have simply paid more attention is science class. Ugh don’t even get me started on my school report card!
I don’t really know where to start my story; do I start with myself, my friends, my family, school or BOYS? I suppose friends and boys are the 2 major things in a teenage girls life, our desperate search to find a totally cute yet caring guy, the endless status updates “I’m forever alone”, “need someone to snuggle with” and it’s kind of just like ah, your only 14, what’s the hurry? And more importantly a girl at 14 shouldn’t be worried about a ‘snuggle buddy’, we all know what that means! See the thing with society these days is we are all just puppets, the media the puppeteer, telling us what to do and pointing us in the ‘right direction’. Speaking of Direction, One Direction’s new album is a must have, trust me I could write a whole story just about my over the top obsession with them, but I’ll leave that for another time. Any who all the people at my school do is; wag, smoke, have sex and gossip. Things would be so much simpler if things were like a 90’s movie, everyone has their own little clique whereas today there are just as many misfits as there are ‘cool’ kids. The trouble is the ‘cool’ kids are the ones that go and smoke and get wasted, apparently that is the cool thing to do at 14! Well I guess I will never be that cool!
I suppose I’m just average; average height, average appearance, average weight, average grades, pretty much just an average life with your typical average teenager dramas. But let’s face it most of teenage drama is caused by the opposite sex, the whole “OMG does he like”, “OMG he kissed me” and so on. Still in that aspect I am one of those girls, always have and always will. But things are looking up for me in the love department, but let me start that story at the beginning.
Let me take you back to around April 2012, the weather cooling off but the love certainly wasn’t…
He was perfect to me; my eyes saw no flaws, just beauty. Within days of being with him I knew that the old love bug would come and bite, and bite me hard it did! His name was Omad and gosh he was my everything. I still haven’t forgotten the first day we met, walking in the corridor, he was waiting for me and through the sea of faces I saw his crooked smile, my heart turning to green jelly. His smile is the hardest thing to erase from memory; it’s constantly burnt into my mind. And even though I’m writing this months and months after our first meeting, reminiscing about it still makes me smile, despite everything he did, he still holds a place in my heart. I still remember that week I spent with him, Omad would always come over just to see me and embrace me with his bulging arms. That was a special week. And yes by the time that week ended things had done a total 360 turn. He told me he couldn’t commit to me, as he had just been hurt by a girl, he told me he had trust issues and it left me with no choice but to push his beautiful smile to the back of my mind for the moment, out of sight but not out of mind. The months rolled by and I waited for him, for some stupid, stupid reason I waited for him.
Then came August, my month. Late August brought with it the school social; yeah I have to admit it was pretty lame; cowboys and Indians. Still myself, Annie and Annika managed to get a whole lot of unforgettable memories, not that I spent much time with them at the social. Okay so you’re probably wondering by now why August was my month…well… All my waiting had paid off, yes, that’s right Omad finally came back to me, enduring the broken heart for months was worth it (or so I thought at the time). That night, how do I even begin to explain that night? I still remember not being able to sleep that night because reality was finally better than anything I had ever dreamt of. I played the memories of our first kiss over and over again; it makes me smile to this day. Now it was more like Omad was in sight and in mind. The rest of the week rolled by with it came more kisses and more unexplainable joy. But at the time I never wondered why he never asked me out, I never once questioned his motives but I should have. I should have listened the first time, when my friends told me he was trouble, oh boy where they right! I’m young and naïve, so what do you expect? Next came the unexplainable hurt and dejection. This time things were worse, much worse. Fighting every.single.day. I think that was what hurt the most oh and the fact that I would have taken a bullet for him, where as if it was the other way he would have been shooting the bullet. Then came the final blow. The final heated argument. I was used to it by now but I didn’t mean it was any easier to deal with. He had (and I quote this) “found someone better”. What happened to the ‘trust issues’, the ‘commitment issues’? He was just a lie.
Please, I know, it sounds like every other teenage love affair but I have to say I think I was in love with the guy. Jeez that’s heavy, I’m not one to throw around the ‘L Word’. But the Omad chapter of my life is closed, my new chapter is just beginning and I have a good feeling about this one. (Here comes another cliché) love songs are beginning to sound like our relationship, just a single thought of him sends my heart into some sort of fit. Let’s just hope this one will catch me when I fall…
Here we go again…

Try reading Omad’s name backwards.

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