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Loving him

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It's the same story as others. He’s my best friend, and I am completely and hopelessly in love with him. We are together al the time, I just sit there and watch him completely mesmerized by him. I wish I were the girl that he wrapped in his arms. But, I’m not and I know that I can never be. Everyone can wish, can daydream, can stay awake and hope, right? So that’s what I do. That’s all I can do. I see him staring at me sometimes. He knows that I’m watching. I see him look for me. Maybe one day he’ll find me and he’ll pull me into his arms. Maybe, but until that day I long for him to hold me, so that I can feel secure in his arms. But I know that cannot be. It is forbidden, but even so, I long for this forbidden love. I fall into a fitful, sweaty, sticky hot sleep. It’s all I have to get away from his haunting eyes and his beautiful godlike face. I love him with everything that I am he is the only person who understands me.
I lay awake in the middle of the night, thinking, no more like dreaming of what it would be like. Staring into the darkness, his eyes gorgeous hazel eyes haunting me. They are kind, gentle, and full of understanding, like he can see into the depths of my soul.
I feel the heat of the summer night. Beads of sweat run down my face mixing with my tears. I feel a bead trickle and tickle down my back. That bead pulls me out of my reverie and I try to bring it back. A cool feeling takes over my body and I imagine he is lying next to me, holding me, making me feel safe, and loved.
Does he love me? Yes, but not the way I love him. Does he know that I feel for him by just looking into his eyes? But these questions don’t matter. What really matters is do I love him? I look deep within my soul and search for the answer. What does that little voice say? It doesn’t whisper yes, instead it screams “YES!” Yes, I do love him, why else would I lay awake at night thinking about his eyes? Why do his eyes haunt me? His face? His beautiful lips that I long to touch with my fingers, with my own lips. Why would these things haunt me? Could it merely be lust? No! It’s not! It is deeper than that. It's love I love him with everything that I am.



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