Flashing Memories

October 29, 2012
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I eased my steps up the red sandstone pavement. My heels clinked against the steps, like glass against wood. I had worn stilettos many a times before but today, I felt misbalanced, almost as if in a state of daze and bewilderment. My red dress clung to my body, making every curve of my body discernible. Hugging my body tightly, it reached up to my knees, my slim waist looking sensuous and tempting.
My auburn hair flowed and fell down till my shoulders, embracing my bare shoulders in a satin silk embrace. No, I don’t think it were my stilettos which made walking straight for me difficult. It was you. Your crystal clear eyes which twinkled with the shine that you always had whenever you met me. Your eyes didn’t leave mine for one brief moment, except when they wandered down, flowing over my curvaceous body in an appreciative glance, bringing out the warm red on my flushed cheeks.

The thing about you which made you irresistible for me, were your eyes. Your dark, hazel eyes had a piercing intensity about them which made me feel that you could read my thoughts-every one of them- whenever your icy eyes locked into mine. They left me breathless today also, as usual. Made me feel like an open book, the depth in them clearly portraying your love for me.
You looked as elegant as usual, in your white satin shirt and jeans. Your hands balled up into fists inside your pocket, trying to hide the fact that you were as nervous as me. But it wasn’t just you who could read me like an open book. Amidst your enticing eyes and dazzling smile, displaying your perfect set of pearly white teeth, the crease between your two eyebrows were enough for me to understand that you weren’t as confident as you were trying to show yourself to be. I knew you too well for you to fool me.
As I reached closer to you, you suddenly slipped your right hand into mine. I gasped-a soft, quick gasp. Your hard but tender touch sent a shiver of pleasure through me. You grasped my hand tight, your fingers playing with mine.
You brought your lips close to my ears, your warm breath mixed with your minty cologne, filled up my senses, leaving me breathless again. Your lips curled up into a smile as you sensed my obvious nervousness. “You look beautiful,” you breathed in a satin silk and appreciative whisper. “Strikingly beautiful.”

“Everyone longs to be loved,
What can I say to that?

But the door to the heart is open and shut,
Like the warmth of your breath.”

Suddenly, a faint music resounded in the distance, probably a band playing The Last Dance, appropriately. For a moment, it felt as if the universe had planned all this out for us, everything falling right into place, for the first time ever in my life. Coincidence or luck- I just let the song lyrics hit the softest spot of my heart as your hands released my hand and slipped through my waist, your eyes not leaving mine for one second.

“Everyone longs to be heard,
But we tend to get caught in the noise,

What I would give, how far I’d search,
Just to hear your voice,”

I let my hands roam over your sturdy chest, using my fingers to graze over and trace the lines on your neck. The worried crease between your eyebrows smoothened. My hands travelled upward and raked through your soft, black spikes, as you let out a sigh and I slid my fingers through your hair. Finally, I let my hands stop around your neck and caressed your shoulders. He pulled me closer to him and my wrap around his neck tightened. We slowly started swaying to the poignant rhythm of the song.
I let myself loosen in his arms and our steps fell in time as he twirled me on his fingers gracefully. Letting my naughty side come out, I danced back lightly to his arms, so light that my toes barely touched the ground and I feigned falling. He played along, knowing me too well for my sake, and caught me in time. His breath fell sensuously on my shoulder, as he bent over me, with me still braced in his protective, endearing arms. I couldn’t stop a sigh. “Trying to bring me closer to you, aren’t you saucy little minx?” he whispered, with a flirtatious wink. I looked away with a guilty smile, the rosy red once again coloring my cheeks.

“If this was our last dance,
I’d wait in the rain,
Just to see your face,
If this was our last chance,
I’d ask you to stay,
For one last dance.”

I couldn’t help smiling to myself about how the song harmonized with the fluttery feelings in my heart and complemented our situation. Once again, a small voice inside me said that this time the stars were in compliance for us two lovers, standing so close, facing my house under the dark, glittering New York sky, carelessly casting off worldly concerns.
By now, I was back up steady and my hands had trailed down to let his fingers once again slide through mine, holding my hand as a sign of the sensuous trepidation surrounding us.
Our lips were now just centimeters away. I could feel his body press lightly against mine. His hazel eyes now had an additional twinkle to them-something more than love, maybe lust. I lowered my eyes unintentionally to rest on his lips- his rosy, pouting and sexy lips. I could feel him do the same.
Suddenly, the intensity was much more and the atmosphere felt saturated, intermingled with our desires. By now, our bodies were entwined together but his hands still clasped mine.
In a moment of urge, yearning and impulse, his lips crashed down against mine. The feeling was, well, enigmatic. There was no point in holding myself back anymore. I kissed him back with the same vivacity, force and desire, surrendering my heart, body and soul to the first man who I had truly loved in my life.

“Close your eyes,
Close your eyes,
I am here.
I am here.

If this was our last dance,
I’d wait in the rain,
If this was our last chance,
I’d ask you to stay,
For one last dance,
For one last dance
For one last dance
I’d ask you to stay,
One last dance. “

The song brought forth the hidden incest and passion within us to the surface. His tongue explored every inch of my mouth and I let my tongue take in all of him. We stood there, our hands now wrapped around each other in a tight, ardent embrace. I could taste his minty mouth and I registered that divine taste in my mind forever.
We kissed passionately, all other troubles of the world inconsequential to us. My eyes were closed but I could feel the aura of satisfaction and affection that enveloped us. The song ended, leaving us in a trance.
Finally, his mouth left mine. I took a sharp intake of breath, letting the oxygen reach my lungs after a long time, cooling down my burning insides.
“Thank you,” he said. His soft voice barely above a whisper as his charismatic eyes looked down and remained fixated on the ground for one brief second before looking up at me again. My heart sank as I looked at his expression. The passion in his face had changed to one of regret and grief. I knew what had brought the sudden onset of changed emotions.
I could feel an aching throb in my heart as I realized that it was time for us to say a goodbye. A final goodbye. Forever. Never again will I be in his arms again and our lips will never meet each other again. Never.
As the painful truth etched in my heart like a dagger making strokes on a weak victim, I held back my tears like always. “I love you,” I spoke for the first time in the whole evening, “Goodbye.”
He was not as masterful as me in hiding his anguish and despair, although he tried hard. It made it harder for me. He drew me into a warm, tight last hug. I let myself breathe in his scent and memorized every line of his face, his hand, his mouth and let it all be engraved in my mind. He let out a sigh of compassion and pulled away, as slowly as possible, trying to slow down Time and reminisce every moment, just like me.
His face was composed again. Before the tears threatened to well up my eyes and before he could change his mind, he turned away and walked away, taking strong, decisive steps. I turned around, advancing towards my house, lest if he turned around for a last glance, he might probably see the tears, which had now deceived me and flowed freely. He probably did. As his car engine kicked into life, I let the cool breeze flow in, brushing over my tear-stricken eyes for a moment before closing the door.
Our last dance was over. The story of us was over. After three long years. Five years later, I did meet him. He is married now and I am engaged to someone else. But still that day, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to him, lest the fireworks threatened to spark between us again. That first kiss is now a distant memory in my head, distant but the greatest. I might have been just another chapter in his life and so was he in mine. But, he was the best chapter that ever happened to me, till date. Maybe a true connection never dies. Maybe it was love, maybe not. But I can never forget him-my best friend and dearest lover. Maybe he feels the same. That day too his hazel eyes bore into mine, trying to convey something. I think I have finally understood what he wanted to convey.

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