Falling For Him

October 17, 2012
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Everything goes quite. I know I shouldn’t be doing this, but.... It’s him. I mean I can’t not do it. What kind of person would that make me? One whose not in love with her best friend, for starters. I should just back out, I know he’d understand. That would be totally and completely fine. Seriously, who risks getting suspended to help the man she’s in love with, and his girlfriend sneak out of this stupid camping trip, to go on a date. The 10th grade camping trip is suppose to be “fun”. Yet, there are all these rules that keep us from having fun. So basically if any of us get caught more than 100 feet out of the campsite area, we could get suspended.

Now I’m not this strait A perfectionist, but I’m also not this total slacker. I get pretty good grades, don’t get in trouble a lot, and hate taking risks. It surprised me as much as it did Caleb that I agreed to help sneak them out. You see Caleb and Valary have been dating for like a month now. Actually I should be saying that they have been making-out for like a month. They haven’t gone on an real date, yet. It’s not that they don’t want to, it’s more like they are two very busy people who haven’t scheduled it in. They hand out at school, at each others houses, and at the mall (which does so not count as a date), but they never go somewhere special. I know Caleb, and he is the most gentlemanly guy I know, so it’s all Valary with the rescheduling.

For some unknown reason they both decided that the school camping trip was a great place to have a first date. Which of course is why I am standing in my tent, at midnight, in my hiking clothes instead of my PJ’s. It is also why I have my mom’s car keys in my hand. My mom decided to chaperone the camping trip, and instead of taking the bus with everybody else, she took her own car. Since the campground is kind of in the middle of no where, it helps the plan, a lot. Now, they’re going out to dinner, as apposed to what, I’m not sure.

What’s more, I have to accompany them. Well not out to dinner, but it is my job to babysit the car. I am not taking any chances with my mom’s new hybrid, so I insist that I drive. Of course I didn’t think it through all the way. I would much rather try to explain a scratch on the car, then watch Caleb make-out with Valary all night.

I know I should just tell him the truth. I can’t though. Not only does he have a girl friend, but every time I think about it I close my eyes, and imagine that day. All I can ever think about now is that one summer day. Everything changed then, even if we pretend it didn’t happen, it’s always there lingering between us. Just like that, I’m absorbed in the memory.

It was the summer before freshman year, innocent and exciting. A hot and humid day, even for our town. So, Caleb and I were cooped up in his house, with the air conditioning blasting. There wasn’t much do, except play old board games and watch reruns of spanish soap-operas. In other words we were bored out of our minds. It’s not like we weren’t having fun, we were actually cracking up about every five minutes, but fake translating spanish on the TV can only last so long.

Then Caleb heard a soft little song. Based on the look on his face, it was the ice cream truck! He always got this certain look on his face whenever someone mentioned ice cream. I knew he was gonna drag me out there with him. The whole time I was chuckling inside. True we were going into high school, but we had the hearts of six year olds.

I got a chocolate Creamy while Caleb got pistachio ice cream. One of our weird best friend things, is whenever we get ice cream together we let the other have the first lick. As I was taking the first lick of his, I got some on my nose. Before I knew it, that one little dot of ice cream turned into us painting each others faces with the delicious stuff. The fun ended just as quickly as it started. I wish those moments could have lasted forever, but nothing lasts forever. I fond that out a few minutes later.

We went to go sit on a dirty, old, bench to work on cleaning off of colorful face masks. I was siting there, Caleb right beside me. I made the mistake of looking up at him. He was staring right at me, and their was something different in his gaze. Then, was it just my imagination, but I could swear that I saw his face move forward the slightest bit. I wasn’t positive until it moved forward even more, and more. This couldn’t, shouldn’t be happening. Please, don’t let this be happening.

It was though. Caleb was about to kiss me. That would ruin our friendship. I would not let that happen. There was too much history, and too much that could become history with us. To throw it all way just because he got caught up in the moment, no. Now the only problem is figuring out how to stop this without it seeming like a complete rejection. Then, it came to me.

When his face was only inches from mine, I set my plan into motion. With my fistful of napkins I started wiping his face. “Your face is covered in ice cream. Mine’s probably not any better. Let’s go actually wash it off with soap and water inside.” I quickly stood up, and started walking. “Come on.” I didn’t dare turn around, for fear of seeing a hint of hurt in his eyes. I know later that hurt will probably turn into relief, but I am not quiet sure what it will be now. I just hope we will be able to move past this.

There it is, why I just can’t tell Caleb my feelings for him. He tried to kiss me and I rejected him. It’s hard enough telling your best friend you like him in that way. It’s hard enough telling a guy that has a girlfriend that you like him. It’s hard enough telling a guy that you rejected that you in fact do like him. A guy that is all of them, impossible. So, I just have to hang in there, and try to get over him.

Although, I have been trying. It’s hard to get over something you never had. No matter how hard it is I just have to. Until then, I just have to bare watching him with another girl. In some ways Valary makes it easier for me. It’s easier to refrain from confessing my true feelings with her around all the time. “You ready Lil.” Oh, the sound of Caleb’s voice is so wonderful. I can get through this. “Ya, let’s go!”

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prettysoccer_girl34 said...
Jan. 5, 2013 at 7:41 pm
wow this is amazing. it is so beautifully sad. i feel sympathy for the main character. this is amazing! definitely keep writing :)
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