The Terrifying Truth

September 27, 2012
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"I was in a corridor, a long dark corridor but I was not afraid because I knew where I was going; I always knew. I was going to the very last door at the end of this hallway, and behind this door were hope, love, and possibly answers. When I finally got to the door I pushed it open and walked in, and I saw him standing in front of the window outlined by moonlight. He turned around and smiled, then I was in his arms and we were slowly moving backwards towards the bed, slowly backwards to finally being together."

My eyes flew open, just like they always did at the part, before anything ever happened, which I guess was a good thing. You see, I was getting married tomorrow, I have known the exact date of my wedding since I was thirteen and met my husband for the first time; even though we have been betrothed to each other since birth. This dream however was not about him, no, this dream no matter how hard I prayed would always be about his brother, whom I loved more than anything in the world. The one who I wished with all my heart was the one I was giving my life to tomorrow.

During breakfast that morning I could barely concentrate on what anyone was saying, I had to ask my mother to repeat herself twice, and after I spilled my wine for the third time I blamed my clumsiness upon my upcoming wedding. Then I excused myself and went out into the garden for some fresh air and tried to calm my racing heart.

After dinner some of my wedding guests started to arrive and I retired to my room pleading a headache, when really I just couldn't stand to be downstairs when my fiancé and his brother arrived; I just couldn't trust myself around him. So I spent the remainder of the evening in my room not wanting to see James until after I was married and hopefully then I could control my heart around him.

I spent the better part of the next morning in my room being helped into my wedding gown and getting my hair just right. When I was walking down the aisle towards my fiancé I just kept saying to myself that this would all be over soon, but after the ceremony as my husband and I walked back down the aisle I realized that this was nowhere near over; this was just the beginning.

During the reception I tried to keep a smile on my face and act like nothing was wrong, but all I could think about was James and seeing him again; but I couldn't find him anywhere. After another hour or so I went out onto the balcony for some fresh air and that is when I found him; I knew I should have gone back inside; but I had to talk to him.

"How are you enjoying the festivities?"

"Quite nicely thank you, how are you enjoying being married?" He asked turning to face me.

"I don't really know, It's still very new to me."

"Well I think you two look wonderful together."

"You do?" I asked, not quite believing his words.

"It doesn't matter if I don't; it's what I am supposed to say, I cannot tell you that you should be with someone else."

"Who do you think I should be with?"

"No one it's just... do you feel something between us, something more than these new family ties, because I do. I cannot get you out of my head, I dream about you every night; whatever I feel I hope you feel the same."

"I do, believe me I do." The next thing I knew we were in each other's arms and I knew this is where I belonged; this was where I was supposed to be.

Later that evening all I could think about was James and his kiss, which I knew was wrong of me to do since I just spent my first night with my husband who was blissfully asleep beside me. But I couldn't help myself, I had to see him again; we had to be together.

The next morning Lewis and I went into town in our wedding carriage to parade around, shop, and talk with the villagers; whom were now our people. I had an excellent time, I had only been in town once before. I was twelve and I snuck out of the palace grounds when our housekeepers went into town for some things, though I was only gone for maybe an hour before our guards came and escorted me back; I still remember that that was the best hour I ever had. I remember all the wonderful smells like freshly baked bread and smoked ham, the faces of small children running around carrying warm apple cakes that they wait all year for, the brightly decorated stands filled with jewellery, dresses and colourful hand fans.

This trip was no different, excepting the man sitting beside me, but I still enjoyed myself to the fullest, and that night instead of dreaming about James my dreams were filled with events of that day and how wonderful it was.

The next day however was different, Lewis had business to attend to elsewhere so I was left in the castle alone with my thoughts; that was until James showed up. At first I was terrified that the caretakers would find it odd that another man was seeking my company, but they didn't seem to notice; or they just pretended not to. I escorted James into the garden, and as soon as I closed the gate behind us he turned me around and found my lips with his own; just before I lost myself I gasped and pushed him away.

"What are you doing here?"

"I had to see you again; I cannot stay away from you."

"Well you have to I am married, whatever happened that night cannot happen again."

"You don't love him, you know you don't and never will."

"You cannot tell me whom I do and do not love, you had no right to barge in here and tell me this."

"But you know it's true, that night you told me you had feelings for me; don't tell me those are gone."

"You know they aren't."

"Then what is stopping us from being together?"

"Everything, my wedding, my parents, the world; all of this is saying that we are not meant to be together."

"What about your heart, what is it telling you?"

"My heart is telling me that your right, I don't love Lewis I love you."

"Then listen to your heart and I will listen to mine." He said moving closer.

"But it scares me; it's terrifying what I feel for you."

"As for me, but what scares me the most is not being with you." And with that he pulled me into him arms and kissed me; and I didn't fight it.

Later that night as we lay side by side in the garden watching the sky go from orange to pink to finally black I realized that this was indeed where I belonged. I didn't think about tomorrow and what could happen, I just enjoyed the now, and when the time came I would just listen to my heart; because in the end what you feel is the only thing that really matters.

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