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My Darling Abigail
Jaxon almost approached her. Even from a distance he’d recognize that face anywhere. She was the epitome of beauty, of kindness, of all things society considered good. She had beautiful, curly black hair that fell down her back perfectly, long dark lashes that framed bright blue eyes and a smile that made those who looked upon her stop to catch their breath. In her eyes, lay mysteries and secrets; such things that many men and women alike had tried failingly to uncover.
Jaxon had loved her all his life, but she had never noticed him. At least, that’s what he assumed. It had been at least three years since they had seen each other. Three years that Jaxon had felt this deep longing in his chest to go out and find her, but his job and his responsibilities had kept him from truly acting on it… until now.
Smiling, she picked up a book Jaxon had cherished during his last year of high school. Then, she glanced up and caught his gaze. Surprise flickered across her features, but her smile only turned into a grin, “Jaxon,” she said lightly.
It was all she needed to say. Jaxon was already moving closer to give her a warm hug. The first thing he noticed was that she hadn’t changed one bit. She still wore the same, beautiful summer dresses and the same perfume Jaxon had always loved.
“Abigail.” Jaxon breathed, “How wonderful to see you again.”
Taking a step back his brown eyes met hers and for a moment she caught her breath. This man that she had known for so many years had changed. He appeared more hidden, but more bold. Dressed in a business suit and a brown tie that matched his eyes, he looked professional and highly intoxicating. Abigail found that she couldn’t keep her eyes from his.
“Three years,” She finally said, “And I can see a change in you.”
Not taking his eyes from hers, he smiled. “Change comes with time, Abigail.” Had she just imagined it or did his eyes suddenly look sad? “Some things you wish would change and others you know never will.”
His words stirred something inside of her and she looked down at the book she had picked up, afraid he would see the raw emotion in her eyes.
“Abigail,” he whispered tenderly. “It’s been three years and there is much I wish to tell you, much I wish to show you. Would you join me for dinner this evening?”
Breathless, she was only able to nod her head. She gave him her address scarcely hearing his words only loving the way he was saying them.
“… I’ll have Peter pick you up at seven if that’s alright with you. Until then, Abigail.” His words held promise.
Jaxon checked his watch continuously throughout both of his business meetings. He pitched his ideas confidently, professionally and expressed exactly what he expected from his new employees, but anyone present could see he was not in that office with them. His eyes were distant and his mind was elsewhere.
Two hours later his right hand man, Peter was opening the car door for him and Jaxon found he’d rather walk.
“Are you sure, sir?”
Jaxon just smiled and headed down the crowded sidewalk.
The day was one of absolute beauty. The warm sun shone down on the city, just light enough to bring even the most average of persons a little color. When a breeze brushed past he caught just a taste of cherry blossoms. It was his favorite scent and it reminded him of Abigail’s perfume. He was still smiling when he crossed the road… and he was still smiling when he was hit by that car.
Abigail didn’t leave her house for two weeks. She knew not what to do. She felt only anguishing pain and guilt. Why had she not kept in contact so many years ago? Why had she not done something? The more reasonable side of her came to the conclusion there was nothing she could have done.
Her heart felt as though it had been ripped from her chest. Had she known she’d loved him so much? The regret of not expressing it raged deep in her empty chest. Why had she not said anything? Could it be fear..?What was there to fear about a man? Fear of rejection she realized suddenly.
Her thoughts were interrupted by a tentative knock at the door. Vaguely interested in who it may be, she opened the door.
Peter noted instantly that her eyes were dark and restless. He stared at her with a sad smile on his lips.
Abigail only blinked.
“I thought you should have this.” He…He meant to give it to you.” Peter handed her an envelope that bore her name in familiar penmanship and a small expensive box. He took a bold step forward and placed his hand on her shoulder. Abigail did not move. “Don’t regret anything, Abigail. It will not change anything. It will only make it worse.”
She scarcely recalled his words after that. Her eyes focused on the envelope in front of her and with her heart racing in her chest she tore it open.
Oh my, she realized tenderly. It was Jaxon’s handwriting that she recognized from so many years ago. They had been such good friends before and they’d shared only a single kiss. It had been a dare. Disappointed and disgusted she focused on the letter. She had to re-read it several times. Her tears stained the perfect paper.
My Darling Abigail,
I have re-written this letter so very many times and it seems I can never find the right words. Should I be forward and just express how I feel or somehow convince you to express how you feel? Darling, I’m sure that wouldn’t work and I’m sure by the way I addressed you, you have a vague idea of what it is I wish to say. You have always read me so very well… but then why haven’t you said anything? You have not know, Abigail, that I love you. I have always loved you.
Do you know how very much you affect me? In remembrance of our friendship I have not said anything to you. Why would I ruin something so precious to me? If I cannot have you as a lover, as my wife, then I am content being just friends with you. It will not be easy but I promise to be here for you no matter what and only be what you need. If you need a friend then that is what I will be. If you need someone to kiss away the pain, then you shall have that too. If, however, you wish me to leave you be... It is with a heavy heart that I pull myself from your life.
Tell me, Abigail, if I kissed you once more would you turn away from me? You are the most beautiful woman I have ever known, inside and out. You deserve someone who can take care of you and love you and I pride myself in thinking I can be that person.
I wish to hear from you. Can you love me or has the thought never once crossed your mind? Tonight, I will see you at dinner. Did you just say "yes" and mean it to be a meeting of friendship? I had thought I'd seen a different look in those deep blue eyes.
No matter what, I'd rather hoped you'd keep this ring in remembrance of me and what I feel for you. It was my mother's ring... She told me love is like a dream that you can never wake up from. Now, I know that to be true.
I love you,
Abigail was in that same book store she'd been in the day of Jaxon's death. It was a reoccurring dream; a re-run of the events that had occured that day. She recalled every word they exchanged, every gesture, but this time the dream had changed. Jaxon approached her with tears in his eyes.
"What are you doing, darling Abigail?"
Surprised, she held up the book she'd been scanning. "I'm buying this book."
He shook his head and whispered, "What are you doing with your life, Abigial? Has my death changed you so?"
She gasped, unable to comprehend. "I do not understand."
"I have watched you day by day," he confessed, "for some sign that you would move on. I will not be at peace until you let me go. Do not wallow in your sorrow."
He paused. "Abigail, Death is not the end. It is only the beginning."
Noting her startled expression, he pulled her close and kissed her tenderly. She felt his lips as surely as if they'd truly been against hers. "Don't you see? Inside of you there will always be me."
The heat from his breath tickled her lips. He squeezed her hand, ran his fingers across her cheek and walked away. He didn't dare look back...