As I'm getting ready to leave, I think about what happened in the last few days. I was on a trip visiting some of my family. When I got to their house, it was surrounded by a very dense forest. I walked into the house, and immediately smelled cinnamon and apples coming from the kitchen. One of my favorite cousins met me at the door, and gave me a hug when I noticed a man standing behind him, that I had known for years. He was tall with long black hair, and he was wearing black jeans with chains dangling from them with a basic white v-neck t shirt. I went up to him, after my cousin released me, and started talking to him to see if he remembered me. He said he did, and he gave me a big bear hug. He smelled like he has way to much cologne on, but it didn't bother me. After we were talking for awhile, I started thinking about how much he had changed, and how much I used to love him. The only ting that didn't change about him was his amazing white smile, and his sense of humor. When we had nothing else to talk about he left. I'm not sure why he did leave, but I remembered he never said bye and that I was talking about our past when I told him I didn't love him anymore. I'm driving home now. And as I look at the snow-capped mountains, he is all I think about. I wish I could be gazing into his gorgeous blue eyes instead of these lifeless mountains. I turn the radio on trying to get him out of my mind, but it doesn't work. I'm halfway home now, gazing at the sunset in front of me when I get a call. It's him. Chills run through my arm. I'm not sure if I should answer it, but I do anyways. He started talking about how our past was forgotten, and how he still loved me. I didn't want to hurt his feeling, but I knew I had to. I told him that I didn't love him and that I had a boyfriend back home. None of this was true and I wanted to tell him that, but I was to scared. He hung up on me, and I started feeling regret. I had hurt him a second time, and I knew I would never live this down. I should have told him I loved him, and that he had been on my mind all day.. I am home now, and I get a call from my cousin. I was scared to answer it because I thought he would yell at me for hurting his best friend. I answered it, and he told my his friend had committed suicide.The regret I felt earlier worsened. My cousin didn't know why he friend did this, but I did as soon as he told me what the note beside his friend said. The green and blue note said " I'm sorry for wasting your time. I love you and I hope you will always remember me, even if I'm not in your heart. I dropped the phone in utter shock, making the call disconnect. I start crying, but not because he killed himself, but because I had killed him with my words. That day I knew I would never forget him or this very day. This was forty years ago, and as I'm standing here watching and feeling the wind blow through the trees and my hair, I find myself thinking about him, and how he always made me smile when I wasn't feeling good. I thought about all this in my special place. You may ask me why I did, but it was because I had no choice.. Where his grave lays.. is my special place.
August 28, 2012