When you've had the same crush on somebody for five years and that person is your best friend, it is absolutely impossible to imagine your life without them.

We met in grammar school. Matt was the type of guy everyone knew because he was the all-around good guy. If you needed help, he did not hesitate. Matt was known for his big heart even with the younger kids. He even volunteered his last year at the school to assist in coaching the younger girls' basketball team. As a player on that team, that was where our story began.

In the beginning of his assistant coaching he was quiet, but a major asset to the team. That year we were undefeated and won the championship. I remember when we won how happy he was for us. He gave every girl a rose. To this day I still have this rose.

For the next two years even though he was in high school, he still came back to help the team out. Being we live close to each other, we often carpooled to and from practices and award dinners. One night my mom, younger sister, and I were invited to his home for dinner. That night we really clicked and exchanged phone numbers. After that everything took off.

Matt and I would talk to each other all day every day, except when we were in school. I went to parties at his house or sometimes we went out to dinner with our families. While on vacation in Florida, we even met up. He came to watch my performances in school plays. He met my entire family and they accepted him as did his family accept me.

Matt and I told each other everything. Whether I was crying and needed a friend or had exciting news, he was who I called. He is one of the few people who has ever seen me cry. Some nights we got on the phone right after dinner time and talked well into the night often passed two o'clock in the morning. Time was not a concept for was. To us we had all the time in the world.

People thought our friendship was weird because of the big age gap. We often talked about how if we saw our relationship from the outside we would find it strange too, yet we realized we had something special that would not be broken by something as trivial as age.

Two more years went by without him as my coach, but we were still the best of friends. We went to concerts and parties together and everyone thought we were boyfriend and girlfriend, but we just laughed. When I met all his cousins his mom introduced me as "Matt's Girl." He came over a lot more and we were inseparable.

On his eighteenth birthday he played me a song on his guitar. While he was singing I was lost in him and could not stop smiling, but afterward when I looked at the lyrics at realized it was a love song. After he sang we were walking upstairs in the dark from his basement. The only light was little candles on the stairs. I was still in a trance from his song. We were talking about different things and how it was getting late and I should go home. Then, I remember we stopped walking the conversation died down and there we were, just staring at each other. We were leaning closer and our faces were but inches from one another. At that moment I has so much going through my head and I snapped back to reality. With him so close I thought a kiss was coming and I was scared of losing his friendship. I just smiled and kept walking. I regret not staying to see what would happen all the time.

My close friends always asked why we never went out. Even though my crush on him was huge and obvious to everyone else, it was not to him. Our moms have always joked about how one day we will get married. I wrote poems and songs about him and tried to distract myself with other guys because I always thought he was not in to me. I could never stay with any other guy though because I felt my heart belonged to Matt. We said "I love you" to each other, but Matt and I always took it as the type of "I love you" you say to your best friend. When he talks to me he always says things like he's the luckiest guy to have me in his life or I am irreplaceable. Since he never officially asked me out or said he had romantic feelings for me I thought I better keep my love a secret.

Each time I talk to though my secret is harder to keep. Now I have two weeks till he will be eight hundred eighty miles away. He will be in college for the next four years in Tennessee. My best friend will now be a college kid while I will be a freshman in high school. If he had feelings for me I fear he will lose them while he immerses himself in the world of college life. Only time will tell and maybe I will never know, but tomorrow I see for the last time and to say goodbye.

For five years I have had a crush on a boy named Matt. For five years I have been slowly falling in love with him. Now I have two weeks until he is leaves. In these last days I have no idea what will happen between us, but maybe, just maybe, I will be able to kiss the boy I have loved goodbye.