If my love was good enough.

June 29, 2012
By illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't listen to Genres of music; i listen to good artist." -forgot xD
" Passion is My Motivation" -Me


" I just don't understand! What's wrong with me?" Gabriel screamed as he threw his booted foot into the wall. He sat on the top porchstep.

"Nothing man, you just gotta wait-" Jordan exclaimed, taking a slight breath to say more but was cut off.

"No i can't! You don't understand. She is the one. She IS the ONE. We went to the park and laughed and talked for a hours. It seemed like the longest time in my life. I write poetry for her, just for her. She says she feels special!" He stood and turned around in a circle, unsure of what to do with his anger and sadness mixed. " I throw my heart into everything i do. I've stayed up for 4 nights straight, cause she wanted to talk all night. She goes to bed in the morning, and I have work to do. I haven't slept in days! Just for her! She TOLD me that i'm the ONLY person she can talk to for hours long. I know this cause I talk to her EVERYday ALL DAY!" He yells out again into the night sky. He starts to walk down the dark 2-lane road. The only light source coming from the moon and the streetlamp half a block down. Jordan follows next to him. Listening to his story as he tucks his hands into his jacket pockets, feeling the soft plastic on the outside of the knife.

" I didn't trip and stubble and accidently fall in love. My knees were knocked out from under me by fate and i fell hard straight into the her arms." He stops and turns to Jordan.
" What i didn't see was the traintracks she was standing on. At the last moment she moves away and lets me get hit. Yet when i've been torn; Not by the train, but by wondering if she is ok and if she moved out of the way in time. I worry to the point where there are more scars from her than the train!!! After the train moves and she needs someone; she comes and picks me up! I fall for it again!" Gabriel breathing heavy as he turns and stares up at the moon. Sitting down right in the middle of the road.

"Dude i'm sure it's not that bad. Your just looking at it the wrong way." Jordan questions as he tries to figure something right to say.

"She doesn't talk to me for a week or two. Ignores my messages and never calls me. Next time i talk to her, she has a boyfriend. A day or two later they are broke up and she cries to me. She says i'm perfect for her. I'm her Ross and she is my Rachel. I'm her Forrest and she is my Jenny. For sakes i'm Picasso trying to find his angel in all the mazes and crazyness i paint!"

As jordan stands in silence, he sees something that he thought he would never see in 1000 years. As though it was taken right from the silver screen and put infront of his eyes; the moonlight shined as a single diamond crystal slowly traveled down his cheek. Jordan's eyes poked up as a shadow moved in into the streetlight.

"You got company man." Jordan said.
"This is akward." She whispered into the night as she bite her lip.


The author's comments:
So this is a chapter from a book I hope to write; or at least turn into a short novel/ thingy haha. Yes This chapter has a very personal meaning, but i want to know what you guys think please. Be as critical as you are; don't hold back. I want to get better, tell me if it's good or not.

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This article has 7 comments.


on Jul. 16 2012 at 9:06 pm
InfinityandBeyond01 BRONZE, N/a, California
4 articles 0 photos 68 comments

Favorite Quote:
Stay Strong! <3

Really good. I like the way you ended it, it makes you want to read more to see what happens next. There was a few errors here & there but overall really good, dont stop writing teddy!:)

on Jul. 16 2012 at 8:45 pm
illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't listen to Genres of music; i listen to good artist." -forgot xD
" Passion is My Motivation" -Me

Pt2 is out now :D check it out please

on Jul. 14 2012 at 3:44 am
illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't listen to Genres of music; i listen to good artist." -forgot xD
" Passion is My Motivation" -Me

thanks; yeah i know don't really have someone where i am to correct besides me; so somethings slip through >_<

on Jul. 14 2012 at 1:56 am
PurpOreos SILVER, Macomb, Michigan
7 articles 0 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
Keep smiling...Because life is a beautiful thing. And there is so much to smile about!
"Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing" Benjamin Franklin

Really good. Its good to stop at a climax like that. It will make the reader want to the read the next part(which I do). Some errors in here just make sure to double check ur work. But over all not bad! 

on Jul. 4 2012 at 2:01 am
illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't listen to Genres of music; i listen to good artist." -forgot xD
" Passion is My Motivation" -Me

I submitted pt2 and am waiting for them to post; when they do please check it out ^_^

on Jul. 3 2012 at 11:36 am
illosionist GOLD, St.helen, Michigan
19 articles 0 photos 22 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I don't listen to Genres of music; i listen to good artist." -forgot xD
" Passion is My Motivation" -Me

is it that good or the suspence on the final part catch you? :P

on Jul. 2 2012 at 1:20 pm
Luna3952 SILVER, Lynchburg, Virginia
6 articles 0 photos 81 comments

Favorite Quote:
All is fair in love and war.
Palsm 114
John 3:17

WRITE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


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