On nights where I am restless and can’t sleep it’s because I’m thinking of every possible thing about you, from your warm smile to your sarcastic attitude. Then when I do actually fall asleep I wake up in the middle of the night wanting nothing more than to wrap my arms around you, lie my head on your chest and fall asleep listening to your heartbeat. I’ve pictured that a million different ways in my head happening and I still have hope that it can take place. No matter what has gone on in the past 3 years I never stopped loving you, not when I hurt you or not when you hurt me. Even when I do get hurt by us entirely I never love you less. I look to you and I still feel proud and thankful. Proud because of who you are and that you were mine and thankful because you got to be mine. Inside of our little forever I was blessed. I was blessed with something that people spend their whole lives looking to feel and I got it early. I would never take something like that back no matter what the outcome is. I never know what to expect with us and it scares me sometimes but I get through it. I have become the most patient waiter anyone has ever known because when I’m ready to give up there is this little bit of hope your love instilled in me a very long time ago and I don’t leave. I may not be the one for you when everything is all said and done but no one really knows for sure. You and neither do I know what is to come in 10 or 15 years. I am positive that I am the one for you. I will not go back on those words either. Maybe I do have it all wrong though but it still doesn’t change the fact that I want to love you to the best of my ability for as long as you will allow me to. Simply just because I want to show you that this kind of love is real. I love you with all my heart and soul and basically what those words to me mean is that I want you happy and I will always care for you. I want you happy whether it is with me or someone else. I want your face to light up always. I can promise you that even if you aren’t with me I will always be here for you. I will always care for you with all of my heart because what we have extends way beyond just love it’s a friendship too. That’s how I fell in love with you in the first place. You’re my lover, best friend, and heart. I don’t know how else to put it. No matter how far away I am or even close, these words are going to remain the same. I don’t give up on you because I want to always feel my heart beat fast when you’re standing next to me. I don’t want to miss that. Do what makes you happy, be with who makes you happy, and please just don’t forget me. Even if our lives take us different place I will be here.
June 9, 2012