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Worries...

I’m going to do it. I’m finally going to talk to you. Not in person of course. I wish, but that’s not possible. We don’t really see each other at all anymore. Do you remember that? When we saw each other almost every day? We were actually friends then, maybe more than friends…Did you know how much I liked you? How much I still do? Maybe you did know, maybe you even liked me back. How amazing that would be, if you actually cared for me the way I cared for you, the way I still care for you….But the truth is we don’t even talk anymore, I wish we did though, and I want to change that. Would it be too weird if I just out of the blue tried to talk to you again? I wonder if you even remember me, I hope you do, I hope you remember all the times we used to have together, just hanging around, talking, laughing, smiling. I miss that, I miss talking to you, I miss making you laugh, I miss your smile, your wonderful, flawless smile. I miss that more than anything; I miss it to the point of wanting to squeeze my eyes shut and scream. I can’t stand it anymore. I pull out my phone, find you in my contacts, gosh I’ve missed seeing your name. Just seeing your name makes me smile, smile at the memories. My fingers fly over the keys, not knowing what to write. “Hey it’s me, I um….” No. “Hi, um we hadn’t talked in a while and….” No. Nothing was right, nothing would work. Everything either sounded stupid, or conceited, or just annoying. What if his phone started ringing ad got him in trouble somehow, or I said hi and it was a bad time and I just annoyed him? That was it, I couldn’t do it; but I couldn’t not do it either. I picked up the phone I had angrily thrown at the side of my bed and slumped back into the little corner I was hiding myself in. I flashed back to his name and I stared at it. I couldn’t stand it anymore, I hurried and just typed ‘Hi’ into the blank, that would have to do. And I sent it. I waited for what seemed like hours, maybe even days. No response. I set it down next to me and stared at my door for a good fifteen minutes, unwilling to check for what I knew wasn’t there. Wait, maybe I had been so lost in my thoughts that I hadn’t heard it. I grabbed at that one string of hope and checked again. Nope. Nothing. I threw it at the wall. Hard. Maybe it would break. I hoped it would. I couldn’t believe I was upset, what was I expecting? Nothing. I was upset because I was right. Because HE didn’t prove me wrong. I felt myself about to cry. About to break down and accept the fact that he had completely and totally forgotten me. Then I heard a buzz. A long, low, buzz. My heart stopped. I had just imagined it. I heard it again. My heart skipped a beat. I buzzed one more time. My heart was practically pounding out of my chest now. I ran over and picked up my phone. “3 new messages” I forgot how to breathe.
6:37: “Hey :)”
6:38: “I’ve really missed talking to you. So how’ve you been?”
6:39: “You there??”
And then I realized, all this time, he’d wanted to talk to me too.




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