My Never Ending Love

By , Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
I remember the way he looked at me with those eyes. Those eyes that tells every single thing about his feelings and thoughts. The intensity and passion that is in his baby blue eyes. I’m not really person who can read eyes but I certainly can read his. That was one thing I really loved about him.
My dreams, hopes and the fun of living were all cause’ of him. He inspire me, he can capture my heart again and again no matter what. With his words, with his actions. I knew we were both having mutual feelings and were meant to be together. It was the happiest moment of my life. All cause’ of him.
We had memorable memories. We would be together all the time, no matter when or where. All we had to do was plan everything perfectly. It was like a miracle. I had the most wonderful and magnificent guy in the whole wide world.
In some moments, he would say ‘I love you’ or ‘You light up my world when I’m with you’. Sometimes he says cheesy things but I love it when he says it. I had butterflies fluttering in my stomach, felt safe and sound all together. I was secure and at bliss.
It was like a dream come true. A fantasy. A fairy tale. I did believe in ‘em but never did I expect it would happen to me. I was in the most amazing time of my life. I thought nothing could separate us or break our bonds. Never did I imagine it would be as fragile as a diamond and break into pieces in an instant with just a few words.
His eyes, they were as cold as ice. They did not have any emotion in them. The moment I saw his eyes, I knew something was wrong. I could read his eyes clearly this time. He spoke in a low, cold voice, “Let’s break up.” It was raining cats and dogs. Lightning strike and thunder could be heard. I was stun. I frantically searched his face for a sign or an emotion. But nothing.

“Why?” I managed to stutter.

“Because I do not love you anymore.”

“How? Why? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, feelings change and mine did. Get out,” he said in a harsh voice.

For months, I cried. All I knew was sadness and hurt. That was the only emotion I felt. I did not know what happiness was anymore. Friends and family tried to cheer me up but none work. My world stop and all I could think about was why and what did I do. I thought we would be together forever in happiness. I guess I was mistaken.
A year has passed since that day. The day that broke my everything into pieces. I had never forgotten about it even for a minute. Now, I still miss his caressing voice that says those words to me. His lovely eyes that tells me his feelings and his warmth. I’m always wondering what he is doing every second.
One day, I went to eat breakfast at the Café. When I went in, the aroma of caffeine filled me. Then, I instantly remember that this was where we had come everytime. Our favourite place. The place where we first met. We both thought it was fate or destiny. I just decided to go with a latte and a chocolate glazed donut with heart patterns. I tried to go with to think of other things but nothing work. My brain and thoughts were full of him.
I went to work after that. My co-workers keep glancing at me non-stop. I thought something was up so I went to ask one of them. She looked at me sadly and just shook her head slowly. I bugged her until she agreed to tell me. Unfortunately, all she managed to say was “I’m so sorry for you.”
I was surprised at what she said. I keep wondering at why she said that. I managed to ask all of my co-worker but their reply were all the same. Sad face, saying sorrys and shaking their heads solemnly. Kind of freaky and weird all the same. What did I not know? Did I do something? I’m itching to know the truth.
After our lunch break, my senior co-worker asked me to have a friendly chat with her in her office. She offered me some snacks and a cup of Earl Grey tea. At first, we talked about how our lives are going on and others. But after a while, the room filled with silence. My senior told me why everyone stared at me the whole time. It was about him. Now, I know why he broke up with me. I found out the reason.
All because he knew he was going to leave all alone soon in sadness. All cause’ he had a weak heart. A heart that cannot support him all his life. Only a heart that could let him live until last week. Was it because of our love? I don’t know, but he shouldn’t have broken our bonds. We could have spent his last moments together, but he did not choose to spend it with me. Did he really not love me anymore? Is it because of that, that he did not choose spending it with me? I felt numb. I excused myself and work all day long in silence. I went home after work and thought about it the whole time.
I just couldn’t take it off my mind. Was it because of his heart or because he did not love me anymore? I’m confused and I wanted to know the truth. My head was full of thoughts about it. I couldn’t help but go and pass by his house many times but I didn’t have the guts to ring the bell and say hello. Weeks pass by since the day I found out about his sickness. I still didn’t find out why. But I guess I will never find out. I have the urge to find out why but I don’t know how to.
I was shocked to see his mother at my door a month later. I invited her in to my apartment. I served he some snacks and a cup of tea. I sat opposite of her and she looked at me. She stated her reason of why she visited. Cause’ of him. She said he asked her to pass a letter and a box; which is filled with something he didn’t tell her. She left after that.
His letter was saying about how sorry he was, about his situation, he cherishes every moment of being together with me and that he love me till the end of his life. I was touched and cried while I read it. The box was filled with pictures of us, pieces of things we did and places we went, and the things I gave him. I cried for a few hours. I was touched, happy but sad. Why did it have to happen to us? Did any of us did anything wrong? All I know is that, we both love each other dearly and I will forever cherish and remember our bonds, relationship and memories.
Now, here I am. I, Winter Ann Tyler, standing right in front of his grave. When I entered the graveyard, it was quiet. The cooling wind breeze by and birds chirping. His tombstone was engraved, it said ‘Louis White, a son, a guy with many friends and both loves and is loved by his girlfriend. 1987-2012. May he rest in peace and forever be remembered. We were a perfect match. He loved winter. His favourite season and my name. I will always love him. Goodbye, my love.





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