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Over the edge
I held the blade to my wrist and closed my eyes. I laid back in the tub, but she walked in. I looked up shocked and didn’t know what to say. She ran up to me and smacked me in the face. I was confused only because she never really talked to me. She took the blade from my hand and shoved it in her pocket. She threw out her hand as a gesture to help me get up. So I silently took her hand. I was just really scared what she was going to do. I stood there watching her stare at me. I was dripping wet with all my cloths on. She just gave me a towel and made me sit in the kitchen.
She stood in silence only to blurt out. “Why were you about to kill yourself?!” Her eyes looked like they were going to water. All I could do was look down. “Nelly? Look up at me. Please.”
“I...I...I don’t know. Can you just leave me alone?” I got up to walk away but Mac shoved me back into the seat. I looked up at her trying to figure out why she was trying to talk to me now. I didn’t know what it was but she looked like she was really concerned with me.
“Please. Nelly don’t fight me. I just want to figure you out. You make me feel like a piece of s*** when you look like that. And now you're about to go and kill yourself like that makes me feel ten times worse.” Mac looked at me and stared into my eyes. I was worried because I’ve never her seen her look like this before. She looked like she was about break down and cry. “Now tell me, why were you about to kill yourself?”
I looked up again and saw she was about to cry. I got out of the chair and stared into her eyes. “Why does it matter? You’ve never talk to me before this and all of a sudden you want to know my problems.” I saw Mac flinch at the sound of those words. “That’s not what I meant! I didn’t really mean that. I just don’t get how you never say more than three words to me but stop me from killing myself.”
Mac sighed and looked down. Tears were coming down her face. I leaned in and hugged her. I wasn’t completely sure of what to do at all. I thought I was the one in tears, but Mac was looking the same. Mac was shocked by my sudden embrace and jolted back. I stared into her eyes looking for a reason she would care. I didn’t understand her at all. I was completely confused. So I sat her down and sat down next to her. I fiddled with my fingers.
“Mac? Why are you trying to help me?” I asked her.
She turned to me, “I...Uh...Well I don’t think you should kill yourself, no matter the reason. I just don’t see why a fourteen year old would have to kill their self.”
“Um...I’m fifteen. My birthday was yesterday. I don’t celebrate it because I feel old.”
“Well happy late birthday. If you're old I must be prehistoric. I’m going to be twenty-seven in two months.” She looked like she was holding back a snicker.
“D*mn. I didn’t think you were so old.” I said reluctantly inquiring her feelings toward this.
She turned to me slowly and asked “What were you thinking when you were sitting in that tub? What was running through your head? Did at any moment you think you weren’t going to actually go through with it?”
I took a deep breath and started to speak “I knew that if no one would find me there would be no point in living. Then you came in and I didn’t know what I felt. It was like I finally got accepted for the first time in my life.” Mac looked down to me, she was at least five-eight. She mumbled something that sounded like crazy girl but I couldn’t hear her.
“I do accept you. You don’t have a reason to think I didn’t. You act so much like I used to, so I paying close attention to you. I didn’t want you to end up how I was or how I am for that matter. So when I figured out no one was home and school was over I got real hysterical. So, I checked your room and you weren't in there. I heard you crying so I picked the lock and ran inside. I was so scared that I might have been too late.”
I started to speak but I was interrupted by her lips. I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do so, I just let it happen. I finally closed my eyes and felt something I never did before. Her lips were like sweet cherries. I was so mesmerized by this that I didn’t notice that she had stopped already and was staring at me.
“Uh...So, Nelly why you lookin’ so crazy?” Mac said with a sly smile.
I stood there looking at her in sheer shock. I was sure what to say and I didn’t think I wanted to talk. I heard someone walking in the hallway and unlock the front door. I assumed it was my mom so, I walked to my room without another word with Mac.