Juliet and her Romeo

April 29, 2012
By TYGER01 BRONZE, Byfleet, Other
TYGER01 BRONZE, Byfleet, Other
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Be yourself

19th December
I was lying in my room peacefully looking out the window and watching life peacefully pass untill I heard a screaming coming into my room. She ran over to me and said
"Tonight we shall have a fancy dress party and my so dear sweet Juliet you will meet this handsome young man, Paris and marry."
I listened intently as my mother got dressed into her costume and ran out the room. I stood up and got dressed into a slim white dress and put a pair of white wings on my back.
The party was about to begin but i was so tired of the music and ferocous dancing that i retired for a bit. I stood by the huge fish tank in our living room but as i peeked through the coral another eye appeared as his face moved out under the coral i was rushed away by mother but as my head turned the same young man appeared out of the door.
After i had danced with Paris i krept back against the pillar but a cold hand dragged me away as we walked together through the gardens i knew i had truly fallen i love and that my heart did not belong to Paris but it belonged to dear sweet Romeo.
Late at night he let go of my hand and kissesd and said "Goodnight my fair princess" and walked away.
My nurse saw and shouted "how dair you consult with the other kind, that is Romeo the son of your great enemy Lord Montague". I ran up to my room full of shock and muttered the words "My only love sprung from my only hate".
But i had a fear that there would be worse to come.

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This article has 2 comments.

TYGER01 BRONZE said...
on May. 20 2012 at 9:44 am
TYGER01 BRONZE, Byfleet, Other
3 articles 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
Be yourself

Thankyou for the comment i agree with every word you say but i was focussing on the romance not a twist

thankyou for your help

Dearoo said...
on May. 9 2012 at 2:25 pm

you definitly need to work on more discrption, you could lengthen it and make it flow more, work on spellling and grammar. It seemed to be all "then this happened and then this and the oh dear, the end." You could try to add depth and emotion into your work. Also i found that you have simply retold the begining of romeo and juliet in like- two, three paragraphs?? You created a good cliff-hangar but you need to add a twist

hope i helped!

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