Sophie's last letter

April 16, 2012
By , Jamshedpur, India
Dear Dave,
I too am a human being like you not a dog which shall sit yapping by your feet whom you can cheer up by throwing a bone at if you are in the mood for it and kick unreasonably and scorn when you feel like it.With your overweening affections you tempt me to want to have them reserved solely for me,to be yours forever.And then suddenly the very next moment that love of yours it vaporises into thin air as if it never existed.You are pitiless and let not a drop of your affections come my way,depriving me of every bit of it and making me want to beg for it.Just as I make it a point to be no longer deceived by your fancy charms,you come and with the warmth of your words melt that resolve of mine.

Oh how could it even stand a chance before that smile of yours which has the ability to make me forgive all ,forget all.It transports me through time to moments when we were happier.I know not how to make sense of all this Dave.Its as if there are two people within you.At times I get to see that Dave that I had met in England,that quite ,diffident young fellow whom I had fallen in love with,whom I had married and then there are those moments when I'm barely able to recognize you.
A man who holds me responsible for every mistake he committed in his life.

I agree things were going downhill of late,you losing your job and we going through some rough times but we would have made it together.Alas,if only you had the same faith I had in you.I could see the man I knew ,my Dave slowly fade away as every smile of yours got replaced by that perpetual frown.The last few months you used to be forever drunk or high on some drug. I finally realized that I had lost you when that day in one of your highs you hit me. It left behind a bruised and bleeding lip.I had always thought that all those people who advised me to get out of this marriage were wrong.I clung on cause i believed that I knew you better.The man I loved was there I knew behind that facade which would disappear as soon as you would smile.Perhaps I could be still convinced to love you if only you would let me.
I try to tell myself that leaving you is the right thing to do,that I should be hating you but it is easier said than done.As I write on I can already feel that my hatred for you long gone.Even though I have left you memories of us together keep coming back to haunt me.Yes,it is these moments of your love that haunt me not your scorn.

I live in a mix of constant hope and despair hoping that one day I will get back my Dave with his ever-ready smiles.

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