Six Days

January 18, 2012
Six days. Six days until you return to school, the place where other wild females surround you; predators just waiting for the opportunity to strike, to pounce on you. To take away the first real, solid, perfect love I’ve ever fallen into.
I’m scared. No, really, terrified is more accurate. ‘I can’t lose you,’ the words repeat in my mind like a broken record. I want to throw the thought at the wall and watch it shatter; I wish it would stop replaying itself, and this irrepressible tide of emotions would vanish. I wish I felt secure in the knowledge that you are mine.

For the moment, there is no doubt. Yes, for the moment, I am the one you call every night, the one you say ‘I love you’ to, the one with whom you speak of a future. I know this should be reassuring, and in some ways it is, but then there is the part of me that whispers blood-chilling possibilities. If there is one thing life has taught me, it is that nothing is a guarantee. No matter how many times I hear you say it, only time can prove whether you mean the words around which my life has revolved for the past two months.

And time has a way of destroying things that seem ideal.

Don’t get me wrong. I am an independent woman who is perfectly competent of living in solitude. I don’t rely on you for my happiness; not entirely, at least. However I will admit that there is something about you that makes life just a small bit more pleasant. I am perfectly competent of surviving without you and being okay, it’s just that I would rather be content; and with you, I am. With you, I am more intensely happy than I am without you. I have too much pride to beg for your affection, but if I lost it, I’m not sure where that would leave me.

I wouldn’t go so far as to say I need you, but it is definite that I want you. And though I would never risk the vulnerability of confessing this, maybe some part of me does need you.

I love the way your wide, beautiful brown eyes glimmer with mischief, and the way your full, smooth lips twist into that naughty grin. I love your sharp teeth, and the way I imagine they would feel biting hard into my skin; hard enough to split it open, blood gushing from my neck in a violent, torrential rush of passion. I love your skin, golden and unusually warm, as if there is fire pulsing through your veins. I love your hands, warm and big; as your fingers interlace through mine. I love your laugh, quiet and deep and absolutely contagious. I love your voice; the way it softens when you whisper sweet, perfect words.

Most of all, I love you. For what is there about you that is not to love? You are perfect. It is not secret that you have flaws, and I am not blind to these. You have not lived a perfect life, and you have made mistakes. But it is these things that make you who you are, and to truly love someone is to see past the flaws and love everything about them. And that is what I feel for you. It is probably one of the most difficult challenges life has to offer; to truly love someone with every fiber of your being.

I can only hope that it will be worth the risk.

My mind is full of words, jumbled and muddled; fragments and phrases that I want to shout out, if only I knew how to say them. I wish I knew how to tell you how I’m feeling; how terrified I am to lose you, how happy I am with you. How when I’m with you everything feels right, and how I feel myself smiling at the mere thought of you.

Suddenly, as I sit here with all of these thoughts racing through my mind and I feel my composure slipping away, I am struck with a thought that changes it all. A memory smacks into me and forces me to stop and realize that I’m not going to lose you; not now. I’m remembering the rare, beautiful moments when you’ve let me see another side of you. Yes we spend hours laughing at everything and nothing, talking just to talk, about nothing that really matters. I love that we can talk for hours, and the fact that we can joke around. Life isn’t always serious, but then, there are the instances where it is.

And I’ve had the chance to have these serious conversations with you, too. You fix everything; make it all better. The pain is still there, but it weakens with your words. My anger, sadness, bitterness…All of it disappears, because of you. And I know what you’ve been through, because you’ve told me. In your own way, you’ve given me a part of you; and that’s something that I value above everything else.

Six days. Six days, until I might lose you, but I remember what we’ve already been through together. Six days until you come back, but I won’t lose you.

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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

rhymertapperdreamer This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jan. 29, 2012 at 2:59 pm
Ooh, I like this! I always click on new articles, and a lot of times they're really dumb, so I clicked on this one because the title interested me. But then I ended up liking the story too! Nice work! I liked how it was vague, but totally sincere.
Orangedolphin said...
Jan. 25, 2012 at 10:12 pm
I really thought this was fantastic! I loved the ending most of all.
RainbowChaser replied...
Jan. 25, 2012 at 11:13 pm
I'm glad you enjoyed it!!
lifeisprettysimple67 said...
Jan. 25, 2012 at 3:22 pm
Awesome writing, keep it up girl! :)
RainbowChaser replied...
Jan. 25, 2012 at 11:12 pm
Thank you!(: I'm glad you enjoyed it!
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