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Wanting

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The shining sun creeps across the sky. Sutton and I had been swimming all day.

Sutton emerges from her fourth successful attempt to touch the bottom. She exhales and says, “I’m tired; let’s go in the three foot end.”

Relieved, I agree, and we slowly head toward the end of the pool. We lazily drift about in the shallow water. Sutton glides under and comes back up; she flips her beautiful hair. Studying her soft skin, I stare before I can stop myself. I look at her summer tan, her perfect smile and strong body. I start out of my trance when Sutton waves her hand in front of my face.

“I’ve been calling your name for like ten minutes!”

I look up and say dumbly “What?”

Sutton laughs, “Never mind.”
I love her laugh; it is sweet, like a ray of sunshine. Sutton pulls me under the water and we open our eyes. I want to embrace her, kiss her and never let her go. Instead, I quickly rise to the surface, disappointed that I wasn’t able to be forward with my feelings. The lifeguards yell that the pool is closed. We run, giggling, into the locker room.

“Hey, Toni didn’t you think that lifeguard was hot!?”

“Yeah, I guess. He is not really my type though,” I answer, choking back a sob.
Sutton complains that I always say that, but I just turn around and act like I can’t hear her.

Her mom is driving us home when Sutton begs for me to sleep over. I call my mother and after much persuading she finally says it is all right. We watch a cheesy romance movie, which lasts until eleven.

“Girls, don’t you think it’s time for bed?” Sutton’s mom asks, though it seems it is more of a demand more than a suggestion.
We begrudgingly agree and trudge to Sutton’s room. We flop onto her bed and Sutton falls asleep right away. I gently scoot over until I’m right next to her. I envision us dating, marrying, and living happily ever after. Trying to put my arm around her, I accidentally wake her.

Yawning, she says, “Stay on your side of the bed”

“Sorry,” I murmur.

We wake and eat toast and turkey bacon, our favorite, for breakfast. We lie around and watch T.V. and movies all day. Five o’clock rolls around and Sutton suggests we play a game of volleyball. I agree and we walk to the park; it’s only ten blocks down the street. We serve and volley for a few hours, and then scale the big hill at the park. The sunset starts and we balance on the guardrail, looking over the beautiful landscape. The city starts to slowly fall asleep. During the few minutes the darkness takes to consume the sun, I feel happy and content. I lean my head on Sutton’s shoulder and we stay like that for a few moments. I could have stayed like that for eternity.

“Lets go home,” Sutton whispers in my ear.
We carefully descend the hill.

“We should hold hands, you know for safety.” I say quickly

“Yeah, you’re probably right, since it is dark and everything.” Sutton says.
We start walking to my house, hand in hand, and we stop at a busy street and wait for traffic to pass. I look at our hands, I sign of friendship. I yearn for us to be more than just friends. I glance up at Sutton. I wish she felt the way I did. Men ruin everything. The traffic stops and we run across the street. We are just getting to my house when she starts calling her father so he can come and get her. Her father pulls up in his out of date, faded green truck. Sutton hugs me goodbye. I know it should be the last time we hug. I torture myself, every time I go back to Sutton. I’m addicted to her, but there is no magic gum for this. Sutton is a horrible, yet wonderful, addiction. I don’t want to leave Sutton. She is my best friend, but I love her so much I know it will end in pain for one of us.
“Hey Sutton?”
“What’s up Antonia?”
“I think,” I falter; but the words need to come out, “I love you.”





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