Crushed | Teen Ink

Crushed

December 29, 2011
By Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
7 articles 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it


Her breath fogged in front of her face as she walked. Her hands were buried deep in her pockets and she was lost in her thoughts as she walked to the spot she had been to on numerous occasions. She was aching to interlace her fingers in his, and rest her head on his shoulder. She had butterflies in her stomach. She looked up and saw the dark clouds gathering above her. She had no intentions of getting caught in the rain. She hurried along and reached the spot where she meant to go to.
He was already sitting there, on the rock they had shared their first kiss. His face was grim, and his hands were clasped together. He looked up as her feet crushed the dry leaves on the ground, and she came sat next to him, and took his hands in hers. They sat like that for some time. Seconds turned to minutes. Suddenly he turned to face her. It seemed like he had something to say. She looked up at him expectantly. He looked at the ground, and then kissed her forehead.
“Its over,” he whispered.
She tried to look into his eyes, except that they were empty.
As a tear fell from her brown eyes, she said , “please, can’t we give it another shot?”
He looked away.
Not once in his life had he looked away, not once had he not looked her in the eye. His silence, his expression, his void eyes seemed to say it all. By now, the tears were flowing freely from her eyes.
He undid his hands from hers, and stood up. “Sorry,” he mouthed. “I’m sorry, babe.”
He thought she still looked beautiful. But he had been cheating on her. Despite the clumped lashes, her red cheeks, her puffy eyes, she was still a beauty. He hadn’t loved her as he should have, he hurt her, and didn’t realize its impact. Ever. And despite the fact that he loved her, he had to do this, because he knew that each time he thought that it was the last time he ever cheated, he did it again. And he couldn’t bear to hurt her. So, with a heavy heart, and tears in his eyes, he turned away, and walked out of her life


The author's comments:
Just a random story written down at night. Hope you guys like it.

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This article has 8 comments.


on Mar. 1 2012 at 10:21 am
Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
7 articles 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it

Appreciate it :)

on Feb. 29 2012 at 10:38 pm
AngelsLullaby GOLD, Neverland, Idaho
12 articles 7 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
Music is a higher revelation from wisdom and philosophy. ~Ludwig Von Beethoven

Whoops i don't know why it posted that. Anyways what I actualy wanted to say was I really enjoyed the emotion and description in this story. Excellent work.

on Feb. 29 2012 at 10:37 pm
AngelsLullaby GOLD, Neverland, Idaho
12 articles 7 photos 95 comments

Favorite Quote:
Music is a higher revelation from wisdom and philosophy. ~Ludwig Von Beethoven

Please keep your comments positive and constructive. We'll remove anything inappropriate. Thanks!

on Feb. 25 2012 at 2:28 am
Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
7 articles 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it

MercyChristine, I didnt really think of 'leaving her crushed'.

Thanks, I'll remember that next time :D

And..... I'm pretty sure I put a fullstop at the end on word, I'm confused how it didnt end up here. :P


on Feb. 23 2012 at 11:27 am
MercyChristine GOLD, Oak Grove, Minnesota
10 articles 7 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
oh shnykeis!

I really do like this, with the bit about her feet crushing the leaves.  Maybe you could tie the title in at the end with "he turned away, and walked out of her life, leaving her crushed."

and you forgot a period at the end of the story...sorry, just had to point that out.  Great work!


on Jan. 14 2012 at 1:35 am
Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
7 articles 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it

oh, sorry, i meant, it means alot!!

on Jan. 14 2012 at 1:34 am
Odile,OhOdile SILVER, Mumbai, Other
7 articles 5 photos 28 comments

Favorite Quote:
forgiveness is the scent the rose leaves on the heel that crushes it

thankyou so much!!!! it mean a lot, hopefully, i'll get over this writers block soon, and post loads of articles again!! :)

on Jan. 12 2012 at 7:34 pm
seamless BRONZE, Hamilton, Connecticut
2 articles 0 photos 3 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love writing. I love the swirl and swing of words as the tangle with human emotions," - James Michener

This was really good, especially near the end. It was so emotional and I feel sorry for both the guy and the girl, even though it was his fault for cheating on her. I like your writing style, although you should try a little not to have a excessive amount of info on the weather...which you really didn't, and I actually believe it created good mood. It was a touching piece, a tad short, but it was simple and sweet instead of dragging out as long and boring. Keep writing! :)