Amnesia of Love

January 2, 2012
They tell me that he wasn't real. That he was just a dream that I dreamt almost every single night of my life. I find it odd how I've never met this boy but yet he's stuck in my mind as if he consumed almost every single memory I have ever had. I ask my mother, "Who is this blonde headed, green eyed, muscular boy that conquers my thoughts?" She usually smiles, and says, "Honey, that's just your mind fantasizing about the things you want most in life. Your a sixteen year old girl. You're suppose to want someone magnificent and perfect." But than she is done talking about it. She changes the subject right after she answers my question. It's as if she is hiding something from me. I guess I will never know.

You see, I was in a car crash about two months ago. All I was told, was that I was in the car with a couple of friends. The doctors said that I was the only one that had their seatbelt on and that the since I was in the middle between two people that the impact didn't effect me as much as it would if I was in the front or in one of the side seats. I still haven't been told if the people that were in the car survived also. I guess you can say God truly blessed me. I've been told I am of the Christian faith. That's one of the many things I have forgotten. Right now church isn't really a question for me. I'm laying in a hospital bed, with tubes attached to almost every inch of my body with some type of medicine streaming through them to keep me healthy.

I am a five foot four brunette with illuminating green eyes. At least that is what my dad tells me every single day that I wake up from sleeping. I am sixteen years old. My birthday is September 8,1994. They call me Alyssa, or Ally. I am a very skinny girl, weighing in at about 95 lbs. That is my original weight, it is not because of the accident or anything. But since the crash I have lost a couple pounds. I probably weigh about almost 88 now. Just because of all the lost blood and the fact that I could barely eat for a couple days.

Since the day of the accident, I have had zero friends come visit me. I always ask who was my best friend, and my mom tells me that I had a lot of friends but that she never really knew them because I was always out places. So I guess in a way I was popular. But if I was so popular why didn't I have a boyfriend? And why didn't my friends come visit me? I just didn't understand why before this crash I had a place in this world and now I didn't.

Today was no the 65th day I was in the hospital. They told me I would be able to leave next week and be as healthy as before the accident. I would actually be able to walk out of here without anyone helping me or propping me up. I was so excited to leave this cold hospital that I had been in for the past couple months. For me, this is the only place I knew as home. I couldn't remember the house we had just moved into a couple weeks ago, or the new puppy that I just got for my 16th birthday. They said that I would remember the things from years ago. Like when I was a little kid or something, but nothing from just a couple months or even a year in the past.

But there was this one day that I over heard Dr. Schultz and my mom and dad talking to each other.

"How is it even possible for her to have dreams about him?" Mom asked.

"We are wondering that ourselves ma'am, but we have a feeling that he was such a big part of her past that there is a possibility she wouldn't forget him. So it is common for her to have dreams of him, if that is the case." Dr.Schultz responded.

"What if her full memory comes back of him? What are we suppose to do?" Dad asked urgently.

"Sir, I cannot help you out with that one," Dr.Schultz sighed, "You are on your own for that one. But I do have some advice for you, do what your parent instincts tell you to do. She will ask about him one day and you will have no choice but to tell her. So either have her find out now and deal with the after effects, or tell her later when she pretty much already knows the answer and have the fear of losing your daughter because of not telling her sooner."

I don't know why, but I never asked my mom or dad about that conversation that I over heard. I felt like if I was suppose to know they would tell me. I guessed that you were suppose to trust your parents, so I did. But in the back of my head i was thinking about it every single second of the day. Who was this boy? Why did he play such a big role in my dreams? Would I ever know the real story?

The day I got released from the hospital, my mother was very careful at introducing me to new things. It was as if I had just entered a new world that everyone expected me too know. But i knew nothing. I walked into my own home not knowing which way my bedroom was, or even the kitchen for that matter. My puppy, Max they said his name was, jumped on me and kissed me. I absolutely loved it. My mother laughed as I asked if the wardrobe in my room was actually mine. You gotta realize that I was only in hospital gowns and approved wear by doctors. So there wasn't much I could wear. I was amazed at how many pair of shoes I had lining the walls. And all the pictures of friends and family covering dressers, and night stands.

"Honey, do you want to come down for some lunch?" Mom asked

"Can I have a minute to settle in up here?" I asked.

"You sure can, just come down when your ready," and she shut the door and walked away.

Right when she left, I started a hunt for any sort of thing that would lead me to a clue of who that boy was or is. I started ripping through my dresser, and opening all the drawers on my desk. I checked in my closet to see if I placed any pictures in there, no luck. I paced back and forth all over my room trying to find anything, anything at all. Than there was a weird creek in my hardwood floor, a board was loose. I decided to try and move it, and it moved. Under the brown weathered board there was a box. A shoe box. I opened it with a lot of hope that I had just found what I was looking for. There was pictures of me and some girls partying, money, and then there were pictures of me and this boy posing in funny pictures and kissing and laughing. Thats when I realized this was my hiding spot for things I didn't want my parents too find. Also I realized that the boy in those pictures was the boy that I have dreamt about. The boy in those pictures wasn't a fantasy he was real, and at some point he was mine, or it looked like he was.

I grabbed the picture and stormed downstairs, "Mom who the hell is this? And what are you keeping from me because this is the guy thats been in my dreams. And if there are pictures, there are memories, and there are stories, and he is not just a fantasy. So who is this?'

My mom sighed, "Tom!" She was calling my dad into the room.

He turned around the corner and saw the picture in my hand, "Oh…We forgot one."

"No you forgot many pictures if thats what you're talking about," I was very angry at this point because they were hiding something from me.

"Honey, just calm down, okay?" My mother said.

"When you tell me who this is I will become calm, but until then this is what you get," I yelled.

My father sighed and looked at my mother, "Go ahead, tell her." I stared at my mother, waiting for an answer. Every time she opened her mouth, it was hard for her too even speak. It was like she couldn't put the right words together to explain what i so desperately needed to know.

"Honey, that boy is Chris Kelleher. He goes to your high school. He is seventeen years old. So about your age. You've been dating him for the past year. Well almost year. The fact that you can even remember him is remarkable. I mean you did spend a lot of time with him. But we never knew he had that big of an impact on you," My mom said.

"And you couldn't tell me this before? And if he is my boyfriend why didn't he come see me in the hospital?" I was overly confused. I wondered if this was even the truth. I mean they lied to me before, what if they were lying to me now?

"He didn't come visit you Ally, because he was in the same accident you were in. He was with you the night of the accident," My dad stuttered as he told me this.

"So he is still in the hospital then?" I asked.

"No," My mom said shortly.

"Then he got out and he just doesn't want to see me, or what?" I just wanted answers. And I wanted them now.

"He passed away in the accident Alyssa. He was killed instantly from the impact." My father said in a low voice.

And than the weirdest thing happened. Everything came back too me, from that night. I remember we were driving to a party. In the front seat were my two best friends, and sitting in the back with me was Chris to my left and his friend Jake to my right. We were on the highway, and Jess(the driver) had just gotten a new car and she was testing how much horse power it had. As she was trying to race pass a semi truck, it was trying to get back over into the right hand lane. We obviously were in its blind spot. The truck ended up smashing into us. All I remembered from that point on was the car flipping and people screaming. And then I remembered one last thing, Chris put his arms around me and his chest covering up my body. He screamed to me, "It will be okay, I got you." then everything went blank.

"He saved me," I whispered.

"What?" My mom asked.

"I remember everything from that night. Chris put himself over top of me that night so the car wouldn't crush me as it rolled. The doctors were wrong it wasn't because of the fact I had my seat belt on or the reason that I was in between two people it was because Chris sacrificed himself to make sure I would be okay." I said.

"You don't know that for sure honey," my dad said looking a little concerned.

"No dad, I know for a fact. I don't care what the doctors say. I remember this night as clear as day." I knew that I was right. I couldn't just make this up in my head, "I owe everything to that boy."

The next day my parents let me go visit Chris's gravesite upon my request. I asked if they could wait in the car for me because I just wanted a couple minutes alone with him. As I touched his gravestone I started to cry. It read, "In memory of a courageous man, a caring son, a compassionate brother, a loyal friend, and a loving companion."

I began to speak, "Hey Chris, it's me, Ally. I don't know where to start, or what even to say. There's so much I want to tell you. I'll start off by saying thank you. You saved my life, and for that I owe everything to you and your family. They raised a wonderful man. I want you too know I didn't forget you. Even though I forgot everything else you were still a part of my memory. The doctors wondered how it was even possible. I'm suppose to have memory loss. But when I got told about what happened to you everything came back to me. You were my missing puzzle piece and I finally got a part of you back. I'm heartbroken to know that I will never be able to know I will never see your face again. I've grown so close to you in my dreams over these past couple months that I have fallen madly in love with you. I love you Chris." And as I said this I broke down into sobbing.

"I will never forget you, I'll come back and visit you every single week, I promise. Like I said I owe you everything. I will never say goodbye. So in that case, I'll see you soon. I love you." As I said these last words I walked away wiping the tears from my now swollen eyes. I climbed in the car, and watched the cemetery as we drove away. My hero was buried there. If it weren't for him I wouldn't be able to experience everything I will be able to now.

It is now twenty three years later from that day. I am now twenty nine years old, Chris would've been thirty. And even though I have a husband, and two kids, with a stable job I still go visit Chris. Every single week like I promised. I tell him each and every single day that I am there, that I am thankful for the chance at life he has given me. And I've told him about the kids, and my husband, and how thankful they all are that he was able to be there in that car that night. As long as I live I will always have a spot for Chris Kelleher in my heart. He will always be my hero.

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This article has 7 comments. Post your own now!

Treto16 said...
Mar. 3, 2012 at 9:12 am
Wow once again ihave fallen in love with yur work . Amazing story Sam c:
Samantha F. said...
Jan. 19, 2012 at 4:13 pm
I planned on giving you 5 stars but the computer messed up and I don't know how to fix it! But consider yourself a 5 star writer!
Samantha F. said...
Jan. 19, 2012 at 4:10 pm
That was amazing! I actually started to cry (and believe me that is not easy to do!). You are a talented writer!! Keep it up!!! :)
bigdreamsbigheart replied...
Jan. 19, 2012 at 6:59 pm
thank you :) It really took me a long time to write it. I wanted to make it perfect
HiddenAngelInTheDark said...
Jan. 10, 2012 at 7:58 pm
Beautiful and aww soo sweet I love your work
bigdreamsbigheart replied...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 8:27 am
awe thanks :) I wrote ut and than just couldnt stop! lol
HiddenAngelInTheDark replied...
Jan. 13, 2012 at 4:32 pm
Your welco,e
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