Silent Tear

January 5, 2012
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I opened my eyes and see you beside me. You're not breathing. I feel pain all over my body, but i can't move, something is holding me down. A silent tear runs down my face. My mind is blown at what has just happened in the last hour. I lay there thinking what just happened?
You leaned over and kissed me. You told me you would always love me and that you would always be in my heart. I smiled confused and asked you what you mean. Yo answered and told me that an angel had visited you last night and that she told you to tell me that you loved me and you would be in my heart because something would happen that would change our lves forever.
I didn't know what that meant and was confused, but I felt that something was about to happen. You held me in your arms and told me you thaught it wasn't going to be a good life changing moment. A tear ran down my face, I pushed away, and told you I loved you.
Then bright lights appeared. It was headlights on a car. They were coming straight for us. We froze where we were. I heard a scream, a screech, and then everything went black.
I saw you walking away. You were walking to a golden gate, which had colorful flowers around it and a vast landscape beyond it. You were smiling at me and then you disappeared into the beautiful land.

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Julianne_H. said...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 7:35 pm
in some parts yes I meant to have it choppy but in others I do need to work on it thanks
SarasotaWonder said...
Jan. 9, 2012 at 5:59 pm
I really like how mysterious this also have a great tone to the piece. The only thing I would work on is making the sentences flow together a tad more. I don't know if you meant to have them shorter and choppier (I'm not saying they're bad, just noticeable.) but if not, I would work on connecting some of them. Great work!
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