December 19, 2011
You slowly take my shirt off me, I don’t stop you. You wrap your arms around my bare waist, your hands cold against my skin. Your touch electrocutes my skin, making me jump. We start kissing, not just on the lips, the real thing. I peel your shirt off of you, so now we’re both topless. This isn’t weird, we’ve gone this far before, but something feels different this time. I’m realizing how much I love you with every kiss. I don’t want to be without you, I don’t know who I was without you. We’ve been together for so long that I don’t remember how it feels to be single, but that doesn’t matter right now.

I feel your hand slide up my body, I feel the urge to go further. I push myself onto you, edging you on. Let’s take it all the way. I love you. Come on. I unzip my pants, you tug them off. I unzip yours, you wiggle out. It’s on. I can feel the room increase in temperature, our sweaty bodies pressing against each other. My heart is pounding, begging to escape. Can you hear it? I can. I can hear your heavy breathing as you kiss me from my toes up. Let this moment last forever, us together. I don’t want this to be a mistake to regret later. You run your fingers through my hair and kiss me gently.

“I love you,” you whispered in my ear, my skin gets goosebumps from hearing your voice. I kiss you, you kiss me, and on and on until our mouths are full.

“I love you more,” I joke, smiling into your eyes.

“Impossible,” you answer, kissing my eyelids. “I love you more than life itself.”

You kiss me so I can’t reply, but that’s okay because I have no response. You left me speechless, which is hard to do. My head spins, I feel dizzy. Why are you making me feel this way? What is it about you that enchants me?

“Someones coming,” you panic, grabbing your pants off of the ground.

I hear the footsteps, muffled by the carpet. I slip my shirt on and shove my pants on. You throw your shirt on and grab my by the hand. You drag me out of your bedroom and into the game room. The TV turns on to Titanic and we settle ourselves on the couch, your arm wrapped around me. I can feel some tears creep up to my eyes, the moment ended. All my dreams were coming true, who ruined it?

“So what’s up down here,” a women asks, walking in front of the TV.

It’s your mom.

“Just watching Titanic,” you say calmly.

I look at you and realize your shirt is on backwards. Crap. Maybe your mom won’t notice.

“Oh, interesting choice of movie, I thought you guys would watch something more gruesome or something. But anyway, dinner will be on the table in about twenty minutes. I hope you like tacos, Jane.”

“I don’t like them, I love them,” I answer sweetly, not taking my eyes off your shirt.

Your mom walks over to you, I can feel your arm tense up around me. Your worried she’ll notice too.

“You have your shirt on backwards, Rob. Did you wear it to school like that?”

You innocently look down at your shirt, “Nobody told me it was on backwards, not even Jane! Now I feel like an idiot.”

“I would’ve told you but I thought you knew but you decided not to fix it,” I play along, anything to get us out of the spotlight.

“Rob, you scare me sometimes,” your mom laughs, as she walks back upstairs.

“That was close.”

“It was.”

“Do you want to continue our session in the bedroom,” you ask me mischievously. I see the urge in your eyes, but I’m afraid we’ll get caught this time. Your mom is probably onto us but just didn’t say anything.

“Maybe another time.”

“Alright, sounds good to me, but I would still like...” You kiss me before you finish your sentence, my heart leaps.

My room is bare, well besides the boxes in the corner. No posters on the walls, no clothes on the ground, the room is completely empty. I sit on my bed, replaying what happened earlier over and over in my head. We were so close to going all the way. A couple more minutes and we would’ve done it. My fantasies would’ve come true. I wouldn’t be sitting on my bed, upset. I know I shouldn’t be, we still had our fun. But it wasn’t enough for me. I wanted more. More excitement, more love.

I wonder what you’re doing right now. Are you sitting on your bed too, wishing what we did today went further? Are you playing video games, not thinking about me? Or are you watching my favorite movie, wishing I was there with you?
My heart aches, I need you here. I feel so alone, mom’s out shopping for more boxes, dad is still at work, he practically lives there now. Marissa is off at college, ignoring my phone calls, texts, and emails. She doesn’t want to know what’s going on in my life anymore, she moved out to get away, not to get dragged back in. Jason, I don’t know him anymore. He went off and got married to his best friend, Carly, and moved to New York. He doesn’t keep in touch either. I don’t blame them, life with my parents suck. When I move out, I’m shunning them, acting like they aren’t alive.
I feel my phone vibrate in my back pocket, my heart leaps, is it you? It is, a smile appears on my face. I answer.
“Hey Rob,” I say into my phone, trying not to sound too happy.
“Hey, I know we already hung out today but do you think you could come over later? My mom is going to my grandma’s house for the night and my dad is somewhere. It could be a sleepover,” you tease.
“Sounds like fun, when should I come over?”
“Any time after nine, that’s when my mom will for sure be gone.”
“I’ll be there.”
“See you soon, Jane. I love you.”
“I love you more,” I say before hanging up. Tonight’s gonna get interesting.

At nine, I sneak out of my house with my duffel bag in hand. Technically, I didn’t even sneak out, I just walked out the front door. Parents aren’t home, if they were, they wouldn’t care. The darkness welcomes me, I’m not the tiniest bit scared. Your house is only a few blocks away, I’ve walked there at two in the morning before, nine isn’t that bad. Cars zoom down the street. There’s a couple kids running around in their yard, playing ghost in the graveyard. There’s someone walking their dog, someone riding their bike down the sidewalk, and a couple making out on a street bench under the lamp post. Finally, I reach your house. No lights are on, our sign for no parents present.
I run around to the back of your house, to where your room is. Two knocks on your window and a tap, the code that it’s me. I see your bedroom light turn on. You open your window. “I thought you backed out on me.”
“No, I just like arriving at parties fashionably late,” I joke, helping you pop the screen out of your window.
You smile as you help me through your window. Your room is cleaner than when I left, bed made, your clothes put away, and your video games actually in a pile and not thrown randomly on the ground. The room smells funny, not like you, it smells like air freshener. You even changed your clothes and styled your hair differently. Somethings up. I’m not liking this.
“So, what do you want to do,” you ask, sitting on your bed.
“I don’t know, what’s up with your room?”
“I decided to pick up a bit, the messiness was bugging me.”
“Why does it smell like air freshener?”
“I sprayed some, my room smelt horrible.”
“Why did you change?”
“God, Jane, what’s up with all these questions? Aren’t you happy that I finally cleaned my room? Aren’t you happy that it doesn’t smell like rotten pizza anymore?”
I don’t say a word. I should be happy, like you said. Whenever I come in your room, I complain about the mess, the smell, everything. But I loved it. Deep down inside of me, I loved your messy room and it’s putrid smell. “Rob,” I start to say before the tears come, “I’m proud that you finally cleaned up, but I loved your room. It’s messiness. It’s rotten pizza smell. I loved it. I complained, yes, but I liked it. The outfit you wore today was my favorite outfit of yours.”
You stare at me. Letting the words sink in. “Jane, I didn’t know...”
I grab your hand, “It’s alright, we’ll just have to make it even messier now. Start new memories, make new jokes, it’s a fresh start.”
You wrap your arms around my upper back, “Let’s get started right now.”
“How about right after we put the screen back in your window?”
“Fine,” you sigh, releasing me and heading over to the window.

There’s pretzels on the ground, soda stains on the carpet, and your clothes scattered all over. The radio is blaring and the smile on my face couldn’t get any bigger. We’re dancing together, dirty dancing. I scream the song lyrics along with you, swaying back and forth, side to side. You drag your fingers down my face and down my stomach, to the bottom of my shirt. You slowly roll it up and take it off of me. The music gets louder, the room gets hotter. I follow your lead and take your shirt off of you.
I press my back against your chest and shimmy down to your legs and unzip your pants. I yank them off and shimmy back up. You smile and let out a smile laugh. I can sense your nervous, you aren’t good at hiding it. Your shaky hands take my pants off, then feel up to my face. I want to say something, but I don’t want to say anything stupid or something that will make you mad. So I go with it, I’ll follow your lead. Show me the way.
You pick me up, kissing me, and lay me on your now unmade bed. You mess with my hair, twisting it around your fingers, petting it. I run my fingers up and down your neck. I’m excited, my heart racing faster than any race car, my head soaring above the clouds.

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