Untitled

December 6, 2011
By , Bayville, NY
… He glanced out the door and looked up and down the dark, empty hallways and just as quickly shut the door without a sound. There was a long pause as he and I just stood, staring at each other. I braced myself to be yelled at, for him to tell me all the things I’d just ruined, all the laws we’d just broken; but he just stood there. His big, temperate, aqua eyes stared at me, capturing my soul. I wanted to look away, needed to look away. What had I just done? I answered my own question with shame: I had kissed my teacher, my young beautiful teacher. His peach-and-cream complexion held such softness and warmth, his pouting, rosy lips which I had just touched and embraced moments ago frowned in frustration and silent thought. He opened his mouth to speak, but when no words came out he closed it and the silence continued.

And just when I thought he would speak and condemn me for my actions, he rushed to me, so suddenly I had no time to react because before I could understand, his hands held my head and once again his gorgeous lips touched mine and just as suddenly my mouth parted and my flawless first kiss was followed by a fearless second kiss. I ran my fingers through his luscious, bouncing light curls and he wrapped his thin arms around me and pulled me close. And there we stood, our tongues intertwined, our lips passionately embracing, his arms curled around my petite waste.

I could feel my heart fluttering in my chest like a caged song bird and for the first time after a long time, I could hear the little bird sing and I could feel it fluff its bright blue feathers and hold its tiny head high. So this was what it felt like, to feel happy after such a long time. So this was what the golden sun looked like after all these grey rainy months. How stunning! How magical! I wanted to reach out and snatch up the shining sun and hold it close to me, protect and treasure it and never let it slip away, never let the darkness engulf me again. I could hear the clock on the walk tick and tock as seconds morphed into minutes and still our lips held tight to the beautiful kiss. I thought it would never end, hoped it would never end; but just like it would happen in a dream, there was something out of place, some sound that didn’t belong. WE both paused, he had heard it too. And there it was again! The sound of squeaky wheels, coming nearer and nearer, coming to ruin this spine-tingling, overwhelming secret; without the use of words, Dr. Evans ushered me into his supply closet and slipped in just as the class room door opened. I caught a glimpse of Mr. Rodriquez, the Hispanic janitor, push a trash can and pull an obnoxious yellow mop and water bucket with other cleaning supplies into the room. My heart beat feverishly, racing inside of my chest; I was sure both Dr. Evans and Mr. Rodriquez could hear it. Dr. Evans shifted slightly, his upper torso with those strong, thick muscles hidden behind his white button down shirt pressed up against my swelling breast; I could feel a sneaky smile slither like a serpent onto my face and I felt a laugh crawl up my throat and settle on the tip of my tongue, threatening to be unleashed at any moment. I glanced up at this handsome man who was truly just a mature child and peered into his face, made eerie by the shadows of the lightless supply closet.

He saw the expression on my face and without hesitation; he lifted his hand and covered my mouth, muffling any sound that I dared breathe. I looked up again; he was gazing into my brown eyes, eyes that could never compare to the pure cobalt blue of his. He was looking at my nose, at my smooth lips and tan skin. My ears were so keen, I could hear Dr. Evans gentle breathing, I could hear the spray of Pledge cleaning products, I could hear the squeak of a cloth rubbing the desk and when Mr. Rodriquez began to mop, I could hear the splash of the water and the swish of the mop.

We just stood there, Dr. Evans and me, neither moving for fear of being heard. We stood chest to chest, how long has it been? Five minutes? Ten minutes? Fifteen minutes?! I could still hear Mr. Rodriquez’s cheery whistle as he moved around the room; and just when I thought I would moan from the stillness, it stopped. No whistling, no splashing and swishing, no spraying and wiping, just utter and complete silence.

I looked at Dr. Evans and could see wrinkles in his perfect complexion as he strained to hear just the slightest bit of noise.

Nothing.

Timidly, he moved his hand from my mouth, leaving behind a masculine scent which I eagerly inhaled. He reached for the door knob and ever so slowly began to turn it, all while putting his finger to his lips to indicate silence. He inched the door open and stole a glance around the room. The lights were off and the door shut and simultaneously we let out a sigh of relief.

He turned to me abruptly, traced of fear entwined in his face. It looked like he wanted me to speak first, but what could I say? It was he who broke the silence after an uncomfortable fit of awkwardness. “That was too close. What were you thinking?” he spoke, almost to himself, “what was I thinking? What have I done?” He looked at me strangely then looked away. “You should go.”

“What are you thinking?” I dared to ask, unsure if I should walk toward or away from him.

He took a seat behind his desk and dropped his head into his hands. “What do I think? I think this was a mistake. What do I know? I know I just sexually abused you, I know I just broke several laws; I know they’ll never let me work in the BAU again. Amelia, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry.”

With every word he spoke, I cringed just a little more. How do I respond? I thought carefully and then cautiously spoke my thoughts. “I don’t think it was a mistake. It didn’t feel like a mistake, all that passion, all those sensations, I felt them. They didn’t feel like a mistake. Not to me. Didn’t you feel it too?” Daringly, I took a step toward him.

Dr. Evans looked up at me, his face contorted with confusion. He looked down again, “it doesn’t matter what I feel. Amelia, I’m so sorry, that kiss… it shouldn’t have happened, I shouldn’t have done that to you. I don’t know what came over me…”

I reached out and stroked his shaking hand. “It’s not your fault; don’t you think I would’ve stopped you? Don’t you think I would’ve said no?” I picked up his suddenly cold hand and brought it to my lips, carefully kissing the back of his hand.

He pulled away quickly. “Don’t do that, don’t make this worse than it already is. You should go, Amelia.”

I put down his hand. “Dr. Evans, I don’t think it was a mistake. The way you kissed me, the passion I felt and you had to feel too, that was not a mistake. Good bye Dr. Evans, I will see you on Monday. Please don’t forget me, please don’t forget this moment. Please don’t forget.” I walked away after that and as I gently eased the door close and began to walk in the dark hallway, I felt that little bird in its cage lose its bright blue hue and hunch over in silence, and once again the sun was gone and the grey rainy days began again.





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