Why Can't I be a Normal, Invisible Girl?

November 30, 2011
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I hear stories all the time where the girl is invisible and wishes she wasn’t. My story is different.

It’s hard to be in a class room with the most special guy in the world, but you know he doesn’t feel the same way about you; like when you know FOR sure. I know for sure.

I’m a coward; what can I say? I couldn’t tell a guy that I like him if my life DEPENDED on it. But I also can’t just sit and like a guy and never tell him. Do you see how my personality clashes with itself?

It was the beginning of 8th grade and I was so glad to not be a “sevie” (it’s a nick name for 7th graders) anymore because they are always picked on. I was also excited because I didn’t have a crush on anyone and that is a rare thing for me. So far my day went well, until I got to sixth hour, algebra. I found out that I am also in class with 9th graders, which worried me because I could find someone new to like. I scoped the room not seeing anyone too cute, but then I had to do a double take. Because there, in the back row, was a super cute guy.
I was angry with myself for looking around because I know that I am oblivious and if I had never looked, I would have never noticed him. He was really tall, with strawberry-ish light brown hair, and green eyes. I was surprised because I always thought my type was dark hair and blue eyes, but I guess not. The only thing that he did have that I knew I like is his height, I love tall guys. And I mean, he was no 5’10, he was at LEAST 6’3. Yeah, I know, tall; especially for a 5’6 girl.
About a week after school started, Brett (I discovered his name!) and another guy in my class where talking away. Our teacher told the class to quiet down. “Yeah Kiley,” he said, jokingly. I looked up, but I realized there was another girl in my class named Kiley and she knew Brett, I didn’t. Kiley gave him a look, but then he said something I did not expect. “Not you, the yellow Kiley,” he said. Guess who happened to be wearing yellow and their name was Kiley. Me!
I was so excited that he actually acknowledged me, but I pretended to shrug it off and said “yeah, I guess I should shut up more.” The whole class laughed, considering the fact that I never talk in that class. Brett laughed too. He had such a handsome laugh; I fell in love with it instantly. My teacher gave me my first dirty look I ever got from a teacher. I thought it was worth it though.
A couple of weeks past and there was nothing new with Brett. It was like I was in the spotlight for that one moment, and then was never touched by it again. Like my 5 seconds of fame. I was starting to go crazy over the fact that he didn’t know I liked him, or maybe he did and I just didn’t know it. I decided I had to do something to tone down my madness.
Like I said earlier, I’m a coward. This means I have to resort to the lowest means of communication. Facebook. Yup, sad, I know but I couldn’t live with him being in the dark anymore. Our conversation wasn’t long, but that didn’t stop it from being loaded with a thousand iron daggers.

Kiley: Hi, I really like you.

Brett: I don’t like you, I don’t even know you and you don’t know me so how do you like me?

Kiley: We’re in algebra together.

Brett: I still don’t know you.

Kiley: And I still think you’re cute. So, I guess it wouldn’t pay for me to ask you out?

Brett: Well, you have a pretty good chance.

Kiley: Okay, so will you go out with me?

Brett: No
I didn’t message him back; I couldn’t. I was not physically, mentally, or emotionally capable. I sat there and cried for a while. I soon started to wish that I never told Brett because I knew he would tell all his friends and I would probably be the laughing stock of the year. I guess you never truly do escape the torchers of 7th grade.
At school, I usually tried to look at Brett long enough that he would catch me looking, and then take a hint; today though, I just stared straight ahead. Over the years I have fine-tuned a little gift I have that comes in handy. I am able to tell if someone is looking at me, who they are, and where they are without even glancing in their direction. I could feel Brett’s eyes on me a lot that day.
I wish I was invisible. I wish I could just slide under his radar. But that doesn’t happen anymore; I was brought to his attention; by non-other than me, of course. This is me, Kiley Taylor; no longer Ms. Invisible.

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