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Have you ever had that feeling when something was so right, it was wrong? Like when you finally accomplished a project you’ve been working on for months, and when you look it over, it just doesn’t seem like what you had first planned it to be. Or maybe you just attainted a promotion but you feel guilty for those who were better suited and hadn’t got the promotion. Whatever the matter, it’s that silent guilt that peels away your insides, listlessly and lingeringly.
She know she hadn’t had a step out of place, but what could she have done that made the world slap fate right in her face? She was so unprepared; so unready; so undeserving. But as cruel as reality was, she finally got my wake-up call.
Maybe they just didn’t get it; maybe no one ever got the true message. She couldn’t believe that. Nor would she believe that it was her fault this all happened.
She clenched her snow-pelted winter jacket in both of her hands. She slumped over and buried her head into her coat, ignoring the piercing snow melting on her face. The continuous rattling of wheelchairs and carts, shuffling of stiffened feet, doors flapping shut, and the soft beeping didn’t even seem to pull at her attention. She shut herself out from the world, trying to be invisible. Perhaps now she was invisible, a lost soul.
A calm hand was placed on my shoulder reassuringly, “He’s being taken care of right as we speak. May I ask how this happened though?” the voice inquired. She turned around to see an aged man’s face showing curious and tired gray eyes. The doctor stood back a step, motioning her to follow him. As instructed, she got up and trudged her away behind the doctor in a dimly lit room.
“Would you like any coffee, Ms-“
“Lindsey Purnell, and no thank you.”
“Alright Ms. Purnell,” he eyed her silently as he pulled a pen out of his shirt pocket and clicked it a few times before he spoke again. “Now please start, if it isn’t too much for you.”
Lindsey stared down at her hands as she fiddled with her fingers. “You know we were going to get married in a week,” she bluntly said as if in doubt.
“Is that so? Well don’t worry, you’ll still have that wedding. We will take-“
“Thank you Doctor.. but I think you should realize what he just went through,” she interrupted knowingly. “It was just nightfall when we decided to go get some hot chocolate and walk around Central Park. It didn’t take long for the blizzard to pick up. We didn’t even know there was going to be one, but it was too late. He whispered to me that it was time to go because he didn’t want me to get a cold just a week before our wedding,” she let out a quick laugh remembering his playful voice, “So we headed towards our apartment. It was right at the crossroads in front of our apartment building where it all went down. By that time, we could barely make out the pedestrian traffic light. I had thought it showed the green symbol to walk, but I was mistaken. Before I could see the red stop sign outline, it was too late. A car came streaming out from our left and hit him. He pushed me out of the way at the last second, throwing me to the side walk in safety,” she stiffened. “He saved me.” A slight tear came to her eyes, cold and dreadfully sweet to the sight.
“Thank you for your explanation Ms. Purnell. I’ll contact you as soon as I can. Feel free to stay in the waiting area if you would like to stay here,” said the Doctor who slowly rose, stretching to relieve his back pains.
“It’s my pleasure,” she managed to stay, sustaining a slight smile over her destroyed self.
As soon as the doctor was out of view, she followed the hallways until she found the number that was sloppily written down on the doctor’s notes. She pressed her hand against the window and leaned in a little, seeing three doctors and a nurse standing over his limp body. “CLEAR!” said the muffled voice of one of the doctor’s inside.
She felt herself turn around against the wall, putting her full support on it. She started to sink down onto the ground, again burying her head into her knees.
“It was all my fault. If only I saw what the real sign showed. If only I could make out that it said stop not go! If only! Oh, if only..”
A door slammed off in the distance, only for her to come back to life for a second.