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golden eyes

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I miss her eyes. Her beautiful, golden eyes. They were a colour id never seen before. It was a warm loving colour, just like her. I remember her smile, her laugh. The way her cheeks would flush red when i kissed her. She was beautiful, she was perfect, she was mine and i loved her.
It was a cold winter’s morning. The sun was still rising, burning its way through the fog and mist. The frost covered grass crunched under my boots. You could see my breaths clouding through the freezing air. She had text me last night. It read “babe tomorrow, meet me by our tree we have to speak. 8’oclock.” It was an odd text very unlike her. I knew where she meant though. We had a tree. In the middle of a field. It was old and hung over to the side. it was sheltered and hollow. Its branches large and twisted, we would climb them to the top of the tree were she would sit in my arms and we would count the stars. That’s were we first kissed. I remember her soft, velvet lips. The way she smiled as we broke apart and the way she pulled me back in for another. And then i held her to my chest and squeezed her, making her laugh and it echoed through the field. I’m sure if i listen, i can still hear it echo.
But that was in the summer, now the tree had lost all its soft leaves, and its black shape scorched the snow full sky. i pulled my collar to my face to protect it from the cold and dug my hands deep into my pocket. Something was wrong i could feel it. It was 8:30 and she still hadn’t come so i decided to climb into the tree. I ducked under the low hanging branches until i came to a open aria surrounded by branches, all decorated by cans hung on string. I remembered how we spent hours listening to them clatter together. But in the middle hung one new object, not a can, but a note. I read it out loud to myself.
My love
You don’t understand what’s happening. You have to understand that i couldn’t stay any longer, the pain was just too much. Please remember the good times we shared and forgive me please. Never forget me.
Your love Victoria.
It felt as if someone had ripped my heart from my chest and torn it in two. My breaths scratched my throat and burned my lungs. My eyes filled with tears. What had happened to my baby girl, my angel. I thousand thoughts flooded into my mind but i pushed them away they couldn’t be true. But as i turned to leave, i looked at the opening to the trunk of the tree. And there huddled in it was my Victoria. She was wearing her white night dress and her body lay dusted with frost. Her cheeks colourless her hair laden with twigs and leaves. I collapsed to my knees. Around her neck she wore a necklace. It was one i got her for her birthday this autumn. It was a sliver leave on a thin chain decorated with only a small green emerald. She’d seen it in the market place and i went back and brought it later on. It described her personality perfectly, gentle, but wild. It hung low on her chest and just above it was a deep gash. A slit across her throat and in her had a kitchen knife, its steel blade stained with blood. The collar line of her dress also bloodied. I crawled over and took her free hand in mine. It was stone cold. Not human, not anymore. I looked to her face, and that’s when i saw her eyes, her beautiful golden eyes now glazed over with a white, just empty and hollow. So now she was gone, lost to the world. And already, i miss her eyes. Her beautiful golden eyes.





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natty5This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 11, 2011 at 5:02 pm
I LOVED how you ended the piece and how it was connected to the beginning. Good job!
 
Hammi said...
Nov. 8, 2011 at 3:35 pm
Where was the story behind it. Why did she commit suicide or did she??? thats what I would focus on right now. The story in general was well written but could be tidied and some cliches removed. It was very moving but a little predictable - shake it up a bit. Overall - Loved it :)
 
Athena19This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 6:58 pm
that was so sad! It made me want to cry. Great work
 
ChocoMint said...
Nov. 7, 2011 at 5:36 pm
Love the description, you really have a talent for that. I especially love the leaf necklace.  I want one now!!!  =+)  But the grammar mistakes and the cheesy line of "Your True Love", etc. took away from its beauty.  You might clean it up a little bit.  Could you check out my romance article "Playground Memories: His, and Hers"? Hardly anybody has commented on it.  <><
 
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