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You lie I believe
I’m curled up comfortably under a thick blanket sitting peacefully on my windowsill, my cell in my hand. A gentle, honest smile on my face.
“So, how was your day?” He asks.
I can’t help but smile. “It was great. I got to see you didn’t I?”
He chuckled softly and the sound of his laugh made me smile even more and my insides feel all warm and fuzzy.
“Ya, you got to see me.” I can practically hear him smiling.
Then it was quite. Not an awkward kind of quite, more like a calm, peaceful quite. Just the static like sound of our breathing. I sighed happily. “I love you Seth.”
I can hear him smiling again. “I love you too Ashley. Forever and ever, and I promise I’ll never let you down.”
“Never ever?” I ask, trying to make his fairytale words last longer. Burning in my mind forever.
“Ohmygosh he didn’t!” Vikki squealed. So loud everyone on the street turned to stare.
“Shhhh” My friend Jessica hushed Vikki. “Everyone thinks you’re on crack.”
“I don’t really care right now!” She squealed again. “You better tell me every single thing he said. I mean it! Every single freaking word!”
Jessica rolled her eyes and grinned. “What is there to say? He asked me out. End of Story.”
Vikki stopped right in the middle of the sidewalk, and pulled pretty hard on Jessica’s arm.
“Ow!” She yelled. “Let go of me!”
Vikki didn’t let go. “No, no way. Not in anyway is this “end of story” I want to hear every single word exchanged between the two of you.”
Jessica sighed and rolled her eyes again. “If you stop trying to rip my arm off with your deadly grip.”
Vikki let go. “Now tell me!”
Jessica let out an aggravated sigh. “Fine. Ok, so at the end of math he came over to my desk and he said ‘hey’ and I said ‘hey’. And then he picked up my books for me–”
“Ohmygosh that’s so sweet!”
“Vikki let her finish! I wanna hear too!” I shouted.
Vikki clamped her mouth shut.
Jessica glared at Vikki for three fractions of a second and then continued.
“So anyway, he grabbed my books, and I was looking at him like he was really sweet, and then he said ‘you’re blushing’ and smiled this cute little smile.
Vikki squealed. And Jessica and I shot her a look.
“Sorry.” She whispered.
“Anyway,” Jessica continued, “he walked me to my next class and stuff, and right before I went in he said, ‘hey um, do you like wanna see a movie with me Saturday?’ And he was like blushing, and I smiled, and then he smiled, and so I said ‘sure’ obviously and then he smiled like crazy and said, ‘great, I’ll pick you up at seven.’ And then he took my hand and wrote his number on it, and then he winked at me, and I blushed and then he walked away.”
“Ohmygosh nofreakingway!” Vikki squealed.
I grinned. “Way to go Jess, you got the second hottest guy in the school as your boyfriend.”
Jess and Vikki quickly swirled their heads around. “Second hottest guy?” Jessica and Vikki sputtered in unison.
“Yes.” I said grinning. “Seth is the number one hottest.”
Vikki and Jessica both rolled their eyes. “Ha. Ha.” Jessica said sarcastically.
“Ya, “ Vikki said, “Hunter Jase is definitely the hottest guy at school.”
I smiled. “As if.” And then with a wave of my hand I left them there in front of a shop window. “In fact, I’m going to go see Mr. hottest guy in the school right now.” I said winking.
Vikki rolled her eyes again. “Sure, whatever.” And stuck her tongue out at me.
I smiled and waved at them as I scampered away, anxious to see Seth.
It was fall, and my brown boots clip-clopped on the sidewalk as I scurried quickly to Seth’s house. The wind was blowing, tousling my auburn hair. My heart was beating fast. Because I was suddenly so excited to see Seth or because the cold was making it hard to breathe as I ran I didn’t really know.
Finally I got to Seth’s house. The lights were off, and only his car was in the driveway. I smiled. His parents must not be home. I took a few moments to brush my fingers through my hair to clean out the tangles the wind had caused, brushed off my coat, took a deep breath, and walked up to ring his doorbell.
When he finally answered the door in only a pair of jeans that appeared to have been yanked on, and a messy tangle of light brown hair on his head I couldn’t help but giggle.
“Hey you.” I said grinning as I threw myself around him. I looked up at him from his chest, “You know it’s like way past noon?” I said with a smirk. “A little bit late to be waking up.”
But as I looked at him, I could see his eyes wide in surprise. He clearly hadn’t expected to see me. I grinned again.
“Whoa… uh, hey Ashley.” He pulled away from my hug and ran a hand through his messy hair. “What are you doing?”
I grinned again. “I came by to see you. Looks like your parents aren’t home.” I said winking.
His eyes darted from side to side. Like he was nervously searching for something. “Uh, ya. They’re out of town on some business trip.”
I smiled a seductive smile, and propped myself in his doorway. “So, can I come in?”
Again, his eyes averted my gaze. Casting them all around the room. “Uh,” He said again. Sirk almost never used the word “uh”.
“My room is kind of messy.”
I stepped through his door and closer to him. “I don’t mind.” I said smiling.
He scratched the back of his head. He seemed to be getting more nervous every second.
“Ya, I know but you know, I have that uh– big History test to study for.”
I shot him a look. “Since when do you care about studying?” My flirting mood had just flown out the window. He was trying to push me away.
“Ya well,” He blew some hair out of his brown eyes, as they rolled toward the ceiling. He sighed and looked at me almost sadly. “Look, I’m sorry Ashley. I’m not pushing you away I’m just… busy right now. Do you think you could come back later?”
I couldn’t help myself as my lips formed into a pout. “Oh. Ok.” I said. Maybe a bit too glumly.
“I’m sorry.” He said. And his voice sounded so sincere. So upset that I smiled and believed him.
“It’s ok.” I said. And I walked over to kiss him one more time. “I’ll call you later?” He grinned, a grin that had always made me feel ok.
I smiled. And as I turned toward the door, I heard footsteps behind me, and I turned around to see Ms. Queen of High School, cheerleader Rebecca Smith, with her short blonde hair, make-up caked face, and way too much cleavage. But maybe that was just because she was half naked. She didn’t even see me. She just turned to Seth and smiled that fake sweet smile of hers.
“Baby, what’s taking so long?”
And then she saw me. “Ashley?”
My stomach got tight just then. Twisting and turning in knots I was much too familiar with. Knots of pain. Knots of heartbreak. I choked back a sob, and my heart as they both leaped to my throat. I turned to Sirk with tears forming in my eyes.
“Busy huh?” I whispered painfully. No matter what I refused to cry in front of Rebecca. Or Seth, for that matter.
“Ashley please I–”
“Stop.” I whispered. I was close to loosing it now. I didn’t want to be here. I didn’t want to hear whatever cr*p lie was about to come out of Seth’s mouth because I knew I would believe it. Just like I’d believed every other lie he’d ever told me. I started shaking and tried to calm myself. At least Rebecca hadn’t known we’d been going out, she was too popular to even involve herself with relationships of people below her.
I looked up at Seth, who was standing there silently although he looked like he was dying to explain. But all I’d done was give him more time to perfect his lie. “I hate you.” I whispered. Even though it was a lie, I loved him. Maybe too much. “I hope you rot in h*ll you b****rd.” I hissed. Although my anger was coated with pain. I closed the small space between us, although I was surprised my legs had managed to do that, and slapped him as hard as I could across the face. I was surprised my Jell-O arm had managed that as well.
And then I turned swiftly away, getting away from him as fast as I could. I slammed the door with as much force as I had left in my body, and took of sprinting down the sidewalk.
It was still cold out. And I usually loved it when it was cold. But now as I ran, with tears streaming down my face, as I choked back my sobs. The wind was blowing strong, bitter-harsh, gusts at me. I felt empty. I just wanted to drop right there on the cold sidewalk, curl up in the smallest ball and sob as loud as I wanted without worrying about anyone hearing me until I’d disappeared. I wanted to feel nothing.
But as I ran, and as these thoughts flew through my mind. The same words I’d always remembered from the very beginning were burned into my mind, just as they always had been.
“I love you Seth.”
“I love you too Ashley. Forever and ever, and I promise I’ll never let you down.”