I followed you with my eyes closed; I should have opened them to see that you were leading me on to nothing. I am constantly thinking about your engaging lips, poisoning kisses; they make me fall in love repeatedly. I think about you a little too much, I see you with her; I can feel the blistering tears filling up in my eyes because I love you… I just wish you knew. I remember you being a little person in my life, and now you are the only one I think of. Please, do not leave me out here all alone I am still right here, where did you go? I look beside me to find you not there, I am calling you but it is as if I am on mute. All I hear is the glass shattering on the floor, our violent words and vulgar threats. The anger mounting and there is shouting, screaming, yelling, smacking and punching… It is brainless how the fights are what keep me pleased. Your heart is loudly beating fast in my ear. I smack you once, you smack me twice, back and forward this goes on. This does not end, we are out of breathe and full of frustration; it does not kill us or makes us stronger. The tears dry and the blood drips. We are fighting an eternal battle. What are we fighting for? You feed me lies, you shelter me hate. I suppressed the memories and corroded faith. We both crippled love, and destroyed peace. I am standing on the outside looking into the clutter we left. I stand in front of the door and stare at the "Welcome" sign. Everything comes back; our warm morning, laughing sounds and hushed nights. I never knew that looking back to the laughs would make me cry…?
October 3, 2011