I knew he wouldn’t say it back. Those three words that tasted like vinegar in his mouth, the three words he’d be lying if he said out loud. I lay in my bed staring at the ceiling hoping he’d text me back. I knew he wouldn't though. He never did. I couldn’t stop thinking about every memory we had, trying to savor what was left of the relationship. When he said those three words back then, did he mean them? Or was he trying to figure out if he did. The tears stung my eyes, and left a salty taste in my mouth as I lay in my bed silently. If you love someone you just know. You will never doubt true love, but how do you get over true love? I said what I needed to say, and I couldn’t change his mind. Does this mean I’m not good enough? Or maybe I’m too boring. A year and 7 months I was living under the illusion he felt the same way. What I thought was the first year and 7 months were the beginning chapter to our forever. It was the beginning chapter, but the end too. I can’t bear to imagine him with someone else. Holding her like he held me, telling her all his secrets, the way he did with me. I truly believed he loved me. Loved me like I still love him. He made me feel complete, and left me feeling empty. Now i’m stuck in our past, while he’s busy moving on without me. Funny how love works sometimes. He may have broken my heart, but I will always have hope he will change his mind tomorrow. Although I shouldn’t, I know for a fact i’d run into those arms again if I had the chance. What I wouldn’t do to spend one more night under the stars with him, naming a reason I loved him for each diamond in the sky.
September 26, 2011