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Sing Me To Sleep
There’s a point in life where all hope is gone. When dreams fade and your world falls apart. Where past scars are newly inflicted opened wounds. The point where everything that had been, will no longer be and everything that could have been, will never be. A point where there is false hope and broken hearts, with broken dreams and growing nightmares. Where love turns to tragedy and the light turns to darkness.
When fairytales no longer exist and reality diminishes the very existence of hope. Where once faithful promises are broken, when once shining eyes burn out never to glow again. The point in life where nothing will ever be the same again, but we constantly convince ourselves to try anyway. There is no once upon a time, no valiant knights or damsels in distress, or infamous villains and courageous heroes, no maidens in castles or sleeping beauties, no true love’s first kiss and no happily ever after.
The heart is a sensitive mind, it’s a beautiful instrument. It only breaks when you push it too far. It sees the world as a maze just waiting for a moment. A broken heart will eventually mend itself, but sometimes, it’s not repairable.
Breathe. Yeah, that’s it, deep breaths. Everything will go perfectly. Scarlett thought as she sat in a poorly decorated lobby with very uncomfortable antique furniture. She sat in her seat humming lightly to herself. She began to shake uncontrollably, so she took a sharp intake of air trying to focus, but that was impossible. There was no way she could do this, at least not today, of all days definitely not today. Scarlett glanced at the clock and sighed, it had only two hours since the funeral. Two excruciating hours, she couldn’t do this.
She closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall, playing over the past two days,
There he was, cold and pale with a light dusting of pink on his cheeks. He was asleep, his even breathing, solace to her paranoid thoughts. Scarlett took his hand into her own. She felt him stir and squeezed his hand lightly to aware him of her presence.
“Scarlett, my love,” He whispered with a weak smile, “I missed you.”
“I missed you too,” she kissed his cheek, “how are you feeling?”
“Tired.” He said with a humorless laugh.
“I’ll let you rest then.” Scarlett released his hand and turned to leave.
“Scarlett, wait,” he grabbed her hand again and pulled her closer to the bed, “don’t leave. I need you here, please.”
He moved over a bit, careful not to take out any of his IVs. Scarlett curled up next to him, burying her face in his shoulder. He lightly kissed her forehead and wrapped his arms around her. He sang to her as she fell asleep.
Scarlett smiled at this memory, remembering his big warm hands and his protective arms, the way they wrapped around her. It was perfect like two matching pieces of a puzzle. Then her smile quickly faded, remembering the next day,
She had woken up the next day hearing his steady, raspy breaths. Scarlett crept out of bed to get him some breakfast. She returned to his smiling face, today was the day, he could finally come home. After he had eaten a nurse came in and collected his trash and turned to her.
“I need you to pick up the papers from the front desk.” She smiled brightly and walked from the room.
“Okay, I’ll be back.” she said kissing his forehead.
She wandered to the front desk and the same nurse handed her the papers, showed her what they were and where they needed to be signed. When Scarlett arrived back to the room, it was filled with nurses and doctors,
“Get her out of here!” one had yelled.
A female doctor with bright colored scrubs escorted her from the room to the waiting room. Where she waited for hours or so it seemed. Then finally a doctor emerged from the room with a grim expression.
“No.” Scarlett whispered so quietly it was barely audible.
“I’m so sorry, but he’s gone.” The doctor said not able to meet her eyes with his own, “You can see him if you wish.”
Scarlett slowly rose from her seat and walked into his room, he was laying on the bed lifeless, pale, and cold. She sobbed as she lightly brushed his dark brown hair from his eyes. His skin was cold to the touch, and he was dead.
Scarlett felt tears start to form in her eyes, but she held them back. She needed to be strong today, for him. She closed her eye remembering his funeral earlier that day, she had cried and cried. The sound of her name snapped her out of her thoughts and there in the doorway stood a short man with thick glasses and short black hair.
“Are you Scarlett?” He asked.
She stood up and nodded.
“My name is Doctor Winston,” he smiled, “I’ll be your therapist, now come on in and have a seat.”
Scarlett entered the room sitting on a black leather chair. She watched as Dr. Winston pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose as he sat in his own chair.
“Now where would you like to begin?”
She said nothing, stubbornly watching her fingers.
“Scarlett, I was told you haven’t spoken since your incident, but please, talk to me. I can help you and make it better.” He tried.
Angry, Scarlett stood up, “YOU CAN’T JUST TALK TO ME AND PRETEND EVERYTHING’S GOING TO BE OKAY! IT’S NOT EVER GOING TO BE OKAY, DON’T YOU DARE ACT LIKE YOU KNOW ME, DON’T YOU DARE!”
Scarlett stormed from the room and ran outside, it was raining, and she didn’t mind the rain one bit because then no one could tell there were tears running down her cheeks. She ran all the way to the cemetery, and found his grave, running the tips of her fingers over his name she closed her eyes,
It was a warm summer night, the leaves rustled with every slight movement, the moon was full, and the stars all in the right place. They sat under the stars on a blanket; he held her close, leaning his forehead against hers. He tilted her head up with his hand and lightly placed his lips on hers. She gasped and ran her fingers through his long dark brown locks, as he pulled her in as close as he could.
Scarlett closed her eyes and smiled. Their first kiss. It was amazing. This wasn’t jus their first kiss, this was the moment. Not just any moment though, the special moment, he was the one. There was not one doubt in her mind, the moment his lips were upon hers, the world made sense. All the pieces to the puzzle had fit perfectly in just one small moment among millions of others.
She looked up at the sky, letting the rain pour on her face and she wailed, “Roger, I loved you. I still love you. How could you do this to me? Why?”
Her fists sprang to life, as she waved them through the air punching the ground. She wailed once more, and was silent staring at the stone as if waiting for him to pop up any second.
“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.” She whispered hugging the grave stone. She stayed there for hours, crying, her vision blurred by the mixture of the rain and her own tears.
Scarlett stood back up trying to compose herself, but tears just kept coming. She walked around trying to clear her mind of all thoughts of him, but that’s just impossible. Every waking moment of her life had been spent thinking of him. Every place she walked passed, was a memory among millions. The rain began to settle slowly until it stopped, Scarlett stopped at the park. She sat on the swing set, closing her eyes, pushing her wet brown locks from her face.
She laughed as he pushed her on the swing. When the swing came back toward him, he grabbed her by waist instantly stopping the swing in its tracks.
“Hey!” She giggled, hitting his shoulder playfully.
He smiled at her, “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She giggled as he kissed her nose.
He picked a purple lilac from the bush placing it in her hair, behind her ear.
“It’s so pretty,” she admired the lilac bush, “such a beautiful flower.”
“Only for a beautiful girl.” He kissed her forehead, snuggling her closer.
She tried to hold back the tears once more, but they broke loose, rolling down her face leaving trails. Scarlett took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. She opened her eyes to find herself face to face with the very lilac bush he had picked a flower from. She stared at the bush for hours waiting for him to show up any minute. Just waiting for him to put a flower in her hair, to hold her close. She was waiting to feel his hands on her back, pushing up higher on the swing.
This was the moment she realized she’d never see anything the same ever again. Everything would trace back to Roger, everything in her life would lead back to his memory. She closed her eyes once more; she could feel him all around her, his smell permanently filling her nostrils. He was her life. He is her life.
Scarlett would give the world to see him one last time, to be able to hear him laugh, to see him smile. Roger just couldn’t be gone forever. Forever is far too long. Suddenly, she felt a pair of hands on her back, she shrieked opening her eyes. She turned around, no one was there.
“Darling, don’t be afraid,” a voice whispered, “just close your eyes.”
That voice, it was all too familiar to Scarlett. She closed her eyes as the hands put her high on the swing. She felt his arms wrap around her waist and hot breath on her neck. She opened her eyes and gasped. He was staring at her; she drowned in his silvery pools. His dark brown hair still long and shaggy, just reaching the tops of his eyes. She reached out and touched his face, letting her hand fall to rest on his chest.
“Roger…” she began.
“Shh…” He interrupted, placing a finger on her lips.
She wasn’t sure what was happening, but she prayed to God it was real. A tear rolled down her face, Roger wiped it away with his thumb and looked at her questioningly.
She got off the swing turning to him, “Roger you… you… died and now… you’re here. You’re… you’re… standing right in front of me.”
He cupped her face and kissed her for all she was worth. He slid his arms down to snake them around her waist. He pulled her in, squishing her against his chest. He squeezed her tighter. Roger needed her; he wasn’t going to let her go, ever. Scarlett’s wrapped her arms around his neck pulling him closer to her as well. They pulled apart gasping for air. Roger sang to her quietly.
Scarlett’s mother stood in the front of a church, “We found her at the park, holding a lilac exactly three days after Roger died. She left a note in her room,” her voice cracked as she began to cry, “she wrote: He sang me to sleep.” She took a deep breath, “Roger sang to her every night before he died. She loved him so much and he loved her so much. He died of cancer, refusing treatment, which just broke her heart.” She paused, taking a deep breath, “Scarlett, baby, I love you so much. I hope Roger sings to you every night up there.”
Somewhere, a butterfly breaks free from a cocoon. Somewhere, the pedals of the flower fall to the ground, one by one. Somewhere, a little girl cries. Somewhere, someone was falling in love.